


Partners in Crime

by crazyjane, kongbeanie (crazyjane)



Series: Partners in Crime [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Fanfiction, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, for vixxbitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2019-09-05 04:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 29,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/crazyjane, https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/kongbeanie
Summary: Hongbin has a secret hobby - writing fanfiction about his fellow VIXX members. Hyuk can't wait to help him inflict mayhem with it.Nothing but crack. Well, maybe a little plot. And a bit of angst. Who knows, I just write this stuff.Now with added Easter eggs!!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vixxbitch (expoduck)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/expoduck/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Call me, beep me, if ya wanna reach me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11834376) by [Trxshking](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trxshking/pseuds/Trxshking). 



> Pure crack, inspired by a meme that implied Hongbin writes fanfiction about the other members of VIXX.
> 
> Usernames do not exist - at least, I hope they don't, because dear god, no one needs the kind of stuff Hongbin writes.
> 
> That being said, tie-in fics are happening. Some links will work. Some may work in the future. Some (for the sake of sanity) will _never_ be written.
> 
> Somehow, I managed to get both my usual username (crazyjane) and the pseudonym I created for this story and its tie-ins (Kongbeanie) credited as co-authors. They're actually both me (good grief, I sound like a split personality or something). 
> 
> For my co-written work with the inestimable vixxbitch, look under 'crazyjane'.

_Hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

Hyulk> hey bean

Hyulk> beeaaan

Hyulk> beeeeaaaan

Kongbeanie> What?  
Kongbeanie> It’s 3am  
Kongbeanie> This better be good

Hyulk> guess what i found

Kongbeanie> What?

Hyulk> guess

Kongbeanie> WHAT?

Hyulk> you’ll never guess

Kongbeanie> Logging off now

Hyulk> nonono wait it’s this fan story i found  
Hyulk> www.bandfics.com/kensbabybyeolbit/works/whisper-to-me  
Hyulk> LR porn  
Hyulk> like seriously detailed  
Hyulk> and kinky  
Hyulk> taek is gonna DIE

Kongbeanie> That was the plan

Hyulk> shik too  
Hyulk> wait  
Hyulk> WHAT

Kongbeanie> What?

Hyulk> …  
Hyulk> you DIDN’T

Kongbeanie> *grin*

Hyulk> YOU wrote this?

Kongbeanie> I can neither confirm nor deny

Hyulk> wow  
Hyulk> you have a filthy mind

Kongbeanie> Hey you went looking … what’s that say about YOU  
Kongbeanie> Swearing you to secrecy now  
Kongbeanie> Or I delete all your Naruto porn

Hyulk> HA it’s password locked

Kongbeanie> Sure about that?  
Kongbeanie> Anyway don’t tell them 

Hyulk> no way this is too much fun  
Hyulk> gonna link shik though

Kongbeanie> Go ahead  
Kongbeanie> Tell me how he reacts

*****

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_Hyulk is online_

Hyulk> TOO FUNNY

Kongbeanie> What did you do now

Hyulk> check this

[](https://ibb.co/f1cS4yn)

[](https://ibb.co/NSGkLKs)

Kongbeanie> That was evil  
Kongbeanie> I approve

Hyulk> partners in crime

Kongbeanie> Is that what we are now?

Hyulk> i was looking through the rest of your stuff  
Hyulk> your mind is a sewer  
Hyulk> more perverted than shik

Kongbeanie> Not likely … he’s the gold standard

Hyulk> true

Kongbeanie> Can’t wait til eomma finds some  
Kongbeanie> Especially the one about him and Jae 

Hyulk> he never looks at this stuff tho

Kongbeanie> You know what you have to do


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> N-Mi> What’s so important that you couldn’t wait to talk to me face to face?
> 
> Hyulk> um  
> Hyulk> don’t shoot the messenger  
> Hyulk> just thought you should see this

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_Hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> SPILL

Hyulk> keep your panties on

Kongbeanie> You’ve had a WEEK, what happened with Hakyeon??

Hyulk> i do have a life you know

Kongbeanie> That’s funny tell another one

Hyulk> oops i just deleted the screenshot

Kongbeanie> Don’t be like that  
Kongbeanie> You know I live vicariously through you

Hyulk> well

Kongbeanie> I’ll link you to some really filthy One Piece smut I found

Hyulk> totally best friends

[](https://ibb.co/TKqX4rt)

[](https://ibb.co/T4dN7R7)

Kongbeanie> _evil laugh_

Hyulk> you know what’s funny?  
Hyulk> that was the night hakyeon spent all evening NOT LOOKING at jae

Kongbeanie> I just hope they get a room because I don’t want to hear it.

Hyulk> _retch_

Kongbeanie> Come on you read this stuff

Hyulk> hey  
Hyulk> reality =/= porn

Kongbeanie> Sure about that?

Hyulk> scrubbing out my brain now


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyulk> so why’d you start doing this stuff
> 
> Kongbeanie> Couldn’t sleep one night in Jakarta, went poking around the web  
> Kongbeanie> I thought it would be funny to see if I could get away with it
> 
> Hyulk> i’d say that worked  
> Hyulk> given your followers
> 
> Kongbeanie> And then it just got addictive
> 
> Hyulk> admit it you liked the idea of us finding it and freaking out
> 
> Kongbeanie> Maybe a little

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_Hyulk is online_

Hyulk> i’ve been thinking

Kongbeanie> Careful

Kongbeanie> Don’t hurt yourself

Hyulk> funny i almost laughed

Kongbeanie> So what’s up?  
Kongbeanie> You’re cutting into my valuable writing time here

Hyulk> ooh tell

Kongbeanie> Secret project  
Kongbeanie> So …

Hyulk> so why’d you start doing this stuff

Kongbeanie> Couldn’t sleep one night when we were in Kuala Lumpur, went poking around the web  
Kongbeanie> You think MY stuff is twisted  
Kongbeanie> I’m practically vanilla compared to some

Hyulk> not sure i should ask

Kongbeanie> Check your inbox … sent you a bunch of links

Hyulk> brb  
Hyulk> WOW

Kongbeanie> Told you 

Hyulk> not sure what’s more disturbing  
Hyulk> the ones where we’re serial killers or that weird werewolf sex shit

Kongbeanie> Eomma’s butt gets a lot of love too

Hyulk> can you NOT put it like that  
Hyulk> so do you … looks like half of them think you’re some kind of sex god

Kongbeanie> What can I say

Hyulk> _eyeroll_ … and the rest think you’re a psycho  
Hyulk> they got that right at least

Kongbeanie> ANYWAY  
Kongbeanie> I thought it would be funny to see if I could get away with it

Hyulk> i’d say that worked  
Hyulk> given your followers

Kongbeanie> And then it just got addictive

Hyulk> admit it you liked the idea of us finding it and freaking out

Kongbeanie> Maybe a little

Hyulk> wait  
Hyulk> you haven’t written about ME have you???

Kongbeanie> …

Hyulk> BEAN I WILL MURDER YOU

Kongbeanie> Relax … I haven’t

Hyulk> oh thank god

Kongbeanie> I have some standards

Hyulk> HEY

Kongbeanie> Of course if you really want me to …

Hyulk> Bye

*****

_Hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

Hyulk> so

Kongbeanie> So?

Hyulk> you ever take requests?  
Hyulk> asking for a friend

Kongbeanie> Right  
Kongbeanie> A friend  
Kongbeanie> Would his name start with S by any chance?

Hyulk> you know what never mind

Kongbeanie> Oh come on  
Kongbeanie> I’m just winding you up  
Kongbeanie> You’re my partner in crime

Hyulk> speaking of which  
Hyulk> this one’s you too isn’t it  
Hyulk> www.bandfics.com/neo_is_love

Kongbeanie> What gave it away?

Hyulk> CONFIRMED

Kongbeanie> Dammit

Hyulk> i’m shocked bean  
Hyulk> shocked

Kongbeanie> What did I do now?

Hyulk> hakyeon and taek romance? really?

Kongbeanie> Hey the fans demand it

Hyulk> i nearly died from cute overload  
Hyulk> and that’s saying something since i have to put up with jae 

Kongbeanie> You still read it

Hyulk> i read them all

Kongbeanie> Softie

Hyulk> i was looking for the filth

Kongbeanie> Nope not with that pair  
Kongbeanie> It’s all hearteyes and flowers and snuggles

Hyulk> excuse me while i vomit

Kongbeanie> Don’t lie, you love it

Hyulk> ignoring that  
Hyulk> gotta admit tho some of it’s pretty convincing

Kongbeanie> Thank you

Hyulk> not a compliment you weirdo  
Hyulk> caught myself giving hakyeon the side-eye yesterday when he was gushing over taek at that interview  
Hyulk> this is all your fault

Kongbeanie> My work here is done


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyulk> you’ve warped my brain with all this stuff
> 
> Kongbeanie> That may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_Hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> You never asked about that request

Hyulk> …

Kongbeanie> Help a partner out, I’m blocked on my secret project  
Kongbeanie> Could use the distraction

Hyulk> when are you gonna tell me about that anyway

Kongbeanie> Not yet  
Kongbeanie> So … what did you have in mind?

Hyulk> a challenge  
Hyulk> you should write you and shik

Kongbeanie> Ah no, not happening

Hyulk> the fans demand it

Kongbeanie> Nope

Hyulk> oh what’s this i see

Hyulk> getting all shy?

Kongbeanie> I’m not going to write myself into anything

Hyulk> cmon  
Hyulk> think of shik’s reaction

Kongbeanie> NO  
Kongbeanie> Author inserts never work

Hyulk> sure that’s a good excuse

Kongbeanie> Shut up before I accidentally copy your porn folder onto Taekwoon’s phone

Hyulk> go ahead i’ll tell eomma about your hobby

Kongbeanie> I am never playing Overwatch with you again

Hyulk> ouch my kryptonite  
Hyulk> okay okay forget i asked 

Kongbeanie> Already forgotten

*****

_Hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

Hyulk> wow you are ALL KINDS of fucked up

Kongbeanie> You say the nicest things

Hyulk> no really  
Hyulk> what the hell is this  
Hyulk> [www.bandfics.com/taekmetaekmenow/works/depend-on-me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17460458)

Kongbeanie> I have no idea

Hyulk> you’re not fooling me bean  
Hyulk> i know your style by now

Kongbeanie> Call it a present  
Kongbeanie> Since I didn’t meet your request

Hyulk> what are you a cat bringing me a dead mouse?  
Hyulk> that’s totally sick  
Hyulk> i’m never gonna be able to watch our mv again

Kongbeanie> Have you READ the lyrics of the song?  
Kongbeanie> Anyway blame Taekwoon

Hyulk> how is it his fault?

_Kongbeanie has sent leostare.jpg_

[](https://ibb.co/4SWgkrN)

Kongbeanie> Exhibit A, Depend on Me mv  
Kongbeanie> Pure inspiration

Hyulk> so he stares at a camera and you write him up as a freak who kidnaps and tortures us all??  
Hyulk> your mind is a dark place

Kongbeanie> YOU’RE WELCOME

Hyulk: you need help

Kongbeanie> Has he seen it yet?

Hyulk> taek? HELL no

Kongbeanie> You know you want to

Hyulk> he’ll kill me  
Hyulk> literally  
Hyulk> kill me

Kongbeanie> You beat him up all the time

Hyulk> yeah but now i’m gonna be looking over my shoulder wondering if he’s sneaking up on me to kidnap me  
Hyulk> you’ve warped my brain with all this stuff

Kongbeanie> That may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me  
Kongbeanie> Now go forth my minion and deliver the good news


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW
> 
> Kongbeanie> What did I do?
> 
> hyulk> i am in agony  
> hyulk> AGONY

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW

Kongbeanie> What did I do?

hyulk> i am in agony  
hyulk> AGONY

Kongbeanie> I thought I heard screaming before

hyulk> thanks for coming to my rescue  
hyulk> PARTNER

Kongbeanie> Didn’t want to blow my cover

hyulk> you are so making this up to me

  
  
[](https://ibb.co/SJzTqJ4)

hyulk> 2 minutes later he was in my room hitting me

Kongbeanie> That’s … tragic

hyulk> stop laughing i have BRUISES

Kongbeanie> He was really that upset?

hyulk> he BIT me

Kongbeanie> he bites everybody

hyulk> i have teethmarks in my shoulder bean

Kongbeanie> There there, I’ll buy you something nice to make up for it  
Kongbeanie> I appreciate your suffering for my art  
Kongbeanie> Bit insulted though

hyulk> why???

Kongbeanie> Taekwoon thought YOU wrote it  
Kongbeanie> Clearly my work is slipping

hyulk> maybe if you spent less time on your quote secret project unquote it would help  
hyulk> how’s it going anyway

Kongbeanie> Nice try

hyulk> cmon just a little hint

Kongbeanie> Go away and let me write

hyulk> FINE i’ll just be over here nursing my wounds  
hyulk> and complaining  
hyulk> loudly

Kongbeanie> Oh look, headphones


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> This is a bit different  
> Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/wonshiktorulethemall/works/ill-met-by-starlight
> 
> hyulk> this is a freaking EPIC  
> hyulk> is this your secret project of secretness?
> 
> Kongbeanie> Nope, just been writing it on and off for a while now
> 
> hyulk> wait  
> hyulk> you turned us into ELVES???

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> Is this your doing?

hyulk> not guilty  
hyulk> wait what did i do

Kongbeanie> My subscriptions just jumped on a few of my accounts

hyulk> i may have mentioned to a few people i’d found something

Kongbeanie> Hyukkie

hyulk> don’t worry your secret identity is safe

Kongbeanie> It BETTER be

hyulk> hey i’m not stupid  
hyulk> besides I have a vested interest in you

Kongbeanie> I’m not sure I like the sound of this

hyulk> you’re my supplier, man  
hyulk> you hook me up with the best stuff  
hyulk> gotta protect the source

Kongbeanie> Oh my god, I’ve created a monster

hyulk> you should thank me

Kongbeanie> Really

hyulk> i’m spreading the word  
hyulk> preaching the gospel of bean

Kongbeanie> I regret literally everything in my life right now

hyulk> so what’s the latest?  
hyulk> more porn?  
hyulk> or - wait - you wrote hakyeon and taek getting married finally?

Kongbeanie> Ha, no, I’m not giving the shippers what they want that easily  
Kongbeanie> There’ll be buckets of angst before they get to the altar

hyulk> yessss give me angst

Kongbeanie> This is a bit different  
Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/wonshiktorulethemall/works/ill-met-by-starlight

hyulk> this is a freaking EPIC  
hyulk> is this your secret project of secretness?

Kongbeanie> Nope, just been writing it on and off for a while now

hyulk> wait  
hyulk> you turned us into ELVES???

Kongbeanie> Enjoy

*****

 _Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

hyulk> well that’s 2 hours of my life i’ll never get back

Kongbeanie> If you’re just going to be rude about it …

hyulk> seriously  
hyulk> elves

Kongbeanie> Did you even read it to the end?

hyulk> 2  
hyulk> freaking  
hyulk> HOURS

Kongbeanie> So what’s your problem?

hyulk> i can’t believe you made shik an angsty fairy prince

_Kongbeanie has sent fairyprince.jpg_

[](https://ibb.co/dLtLsw8)

Kongbeanie> Exhibit A, Hades concept photo  
Kongbeanie> Oozes angst

hyulk> fair  
hyulk> just thought you would have used taek for that role  
hyulk> but you made him the kinky villain  
hyulk> again

_Kongbeanie has sent darkelfking.jpg_

[](https://ibb.co/qdC1ZhJ)

Kongbeanie> Exhibit B, Hades concept photo  
Kongbeanie> They’re doing it, I just write what they tell me

hyulk> sure  
hyulk> taek told you he was gonna kidnap shik and turn him into a love slave  
hyulk> should have been the other way round

Kongbeanie> Nope, subvert expectations  
Kongbeanie> Come on, you had to like Jae

hyulk> the annoying pixie who got enslaved by the giant?  
hyulk> XD

Kongbeanie> I thought you’d be into that idea

hyulk> wait

Kongbeanie> Yes?

hyulk> OH YOU DID NOT

Kongbeanie> I don’t know what you’re talking about

hyulk> i’m the giant aren’t i

Kongbeanie> I’m not saying anything  
Kongbeanie> But if you recognise something …

hyulk> YOU ARE DEAD TO ME

Kongbeanie> Come on, it’s not like I named you  
Kongbeanie> I protected you

hyulk> you had me beat the shit out of jae every morning  
hyulk> i mean ... the giant

Kongbeanie> Art imitates life  
Kongbeanie> Anyway it could be worse

hyulk> i doubt it

Kongbeanie> I could have made the giant have sex with the pixie

hyulk> CAN YOU NOT

Kongbeanie> Really graphic sex

hyulk> STOP NOW

Kongbeanie> Pages and pages of details

hyulk> you are the sickest man in existence

Kongbeanie> Hey I didn’t actually DO that

hyulk> clearly you thought about it  
hyulk> i’m NOT showing this one to taek

Kongbeanie> I’m disappointed in you  
Kongbeanie> What kind of a partner in crime are you anyway

hyulk> my life’s worth too much to me

Kongbeanie> Show Wonshik then … he’ll make sure Taekwoon sees it  
Kongbeanie> And you can revel in the screams from a safe distance

hyulk> tempting  
hyulk> keep talking

Kongbeanie> Are you actually trying to get me to bribe you?

hyulk> i think you owe me for writing me in

Kongbeanie> Some people would be flattered by that  
Kongbeanie> All right, what do you want?

hyulk> i want that story with you and shik

Kongbeanie> How many times do I have to say it  
Kongbeanie> That’s not happening EVER

hyulk> oh well  
hyulk> guess taek will never know

Kongbeanie> What is your obsession with that idea anyway?

hyulk> the fact that you don’t want to write it  
hyulk> makes me super curious

Kongbeanie> Get used to disappointment then

hyulk> no shik and bean story, no screaming taek

Kongbeanie> This is war

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pseud Hongbin uses for this latest offering was suggested by vixxbitch. And I quote:
> 
> 'This may be my greatest achievement. Please be sure to mention it when you speak at my funeral. ;)'


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> WHAT DID YOU DO
> 
> ...
> 
> hyulk> we’re just playthings to you aren’t we

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

hyulk> WHAT DID YOU DO

Kongbeanie> What’s up?

hyulk> jae just tried to beat me up

Kongbeanie> Damn, sorry I missed it  
Kongbeanie> Trying to flail at your giant head with his little arms

hyulk> actually  
hyulk> it was pretty funny  
hyulk> ANYWAY  
hyulk> he was screaming about something on his amino channel

Kongbeanie> Oh please tell me the Starlights were talking about my stuff

hyulk> they were practically having a flame war  
hyulk> my fans and his over his pixie getting abused

Kongbeanie> Those Starlights, they’re pretty quick on the uptake really

hyulk> don’t talk like this wasn’t your idea

Kongbeanie> Honestly I don’t know anything about this

hyulk> sure i believe you

Kongbeanie> I’m hurt that you don’t trust me, partner

hyulk> ha i KNOW you  
hyulk> anyway jae came in and picked a fight with me about it

Kongbeanie> My life is now complete

hyulk> we’re just playthings to you aren’t we

Kongbeanie> You’re my very favourite toys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter, because I'm procrastinating on finishing off _My Stolen Heart_ and felt like being silly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> Does the word fiction mean anything to you?  
> Kongbeanie> They’re stories
> 
> hyulk> I KNOW BUT 
> 
> Kongbeanie> Clearly you need a reality check  
> Kongbeanie> Here  
> Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/hyuked-on-vixx/works/you_can_call_me_monster
> 
> hyulk> I’m afraid to look
> 
> Kongbeanie> No angst, I promise
> 
> hyulk> i’m going to regret this aren’t i

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> Hyukkie  
Kongbeanie> Are you still sulking about the giant?  
Kongbeanie> I made you a present

hyulk> is it you and shik?

Kongbeanie> No

hyulk> then i don’t care

Kongbeanie> Don’t be like that  
Kongbeanie> I promise you’ll like it  
Kongbeanie> I’ll just leave it here  
Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/neo_is_love/works/lie_lie_lie

hyulk> the ANGST  
hyulk> just rip out my heart and dance on the pieces why don’t you

Kongbeanie> I knew you’d like it

hyulk> i can’t believe taek cheated on hakyeon  
hyulk> with SHIK

Kongbeanie> It was always going to be Wonshik  
Kongbeanie> All those long nights on tour together  
Kongbeanie> Taekwoon missing Hakyeon  
Kongbeanie> Wonshik pining in his room  
Kongbeanie> After-concert party and you know what Taekwoon’s like when he’s drunk  
Kongbeanie> It was inevitable really

hyulk> they took SELFIES  
Hyuk> and shik put them on insta to make hakyeon jealous  
hyulk> made me want to go hug hakyeon

Kongbeanie> That’s perfectly understandable

hyulk> and then i was oh wait this isn’t real

Kongbeanie> Sure about that?

hyulk> you’re killing me here bean  
hyulk> i was on insta and thought shik had deleted the pics

Kongbeanie> Does the word fiction mean anything to you?  
Kongbeanie> They’re stories

hyulk> I KNOW BUT 

Kongbeanie> Clearly you need a reality check  
Kongbeanie> Here  
Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/hyuked-on-vixx/works/you_can_call_me_monster

hyulk> I’m afraid to look

Kongbeanie> No angst, I promise

hyulk> i’m going to regret this aren’t i

*****

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> You’re being suspiciously quiet  
Kongbeanie> What’s going on?

hyulk> i’m processing

Kongbeanie> That sounds … dire  
Kongbeanie> Oh  
Kongbeanie> Is this about the story?  
Kongbeanie> You didn’t like it?

hyulk> i’m not sure  
hyulk> i mean it was a good story  
hyulk> just weird reading about myself

Kongbeanie> I made you a nice guy

hyulk> you made me into a freaking monster

Kongbeanie> But a nice monster  
Kongbeanie> Who just wants to be loved  
Kongbeanie> And hey, you got the girl in the end

hyulk> yeah about that

Kongbeanie> What, you didn’t like her? I’m disappointed  
Kongbeanie> I worked hard on making her just right for you

hyulk> not the weirdest thing you’ve said to me but it’s up there

Kongbeanie> What was wrong? She was cute … long red hair, legs up to here  
Kongbeanie> You are so hard to please

hyulk> she was cute okay?  
hyulk> just … why a girl  
hyulk> all your other stories are … you know, gay

Kongbeanie> I was experimenting  
Kongbeanie> Branching out as a writer

hyulk> so you experimented on me  
hyulk> wait

Kongbeanie> REALLY

hyulk> omg SHUT UP

Kongbeanie> Look if you’re that weirded out I wrote an alternative version

hyulk> why would you do that

Kongbeanie> Settle down  
Kongbeanie> I did it in case I couldn’t get the version with the girl to work

hyulk> i’m gonna hate myself for asking  
hyulk> what happens in this one

Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/hyuked-on-vixx/works/alt_you_can_call_me_monster

hyulk> okay

Kongbeanie> That’s it?

hyulk> you turned the girl into a guy

Kongbeanie> And?

hyulk> and what?

Kongbeanie> HYUKKIE

hyulk> otherwise it was the same

Kongbeanie> That was the point  
Kongbeanie> Oh why do I even bother

hyulk> you are too easy sometimes bean

Kongbeanie> ...

hyulk> oh all right … i liked that one better  
hyulk> felt more natural  
hyulk> and i can’t believe i just said that  
hyulk> would have been better if the guy had red hair too

Kongbeanie> Excuse me for not catering to your fetishes

hyulk> when you’re writing me in you should take my feelings into account

Kongbeanie> I think NOT

hyulk> since you won’t write me that bean and shik story

Kongbeanie> God will you just let that go

hyulk> never

Kongbeanie> I hate you so much right now


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> you know what you need to write now?
> 
> Kongbeanie> DO NOT START WITH ME
> 
> hyulk> nonono  
> hyulk> i’ve given up on you and shik
> 
> Kongbeanie> I’m going to regret asking this  
> Kongbeanie> What’s your idea?
> 
> hyulk> go dark again
> 
> Kongbeanie> I’m listening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays, faithful readers! Hope Santa brings you all your favourite pairings to read when you're recovering from eating way too much and dealing with the inevitable family dramas.

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

hyulk> i hate you

Kongbeanie> NOW what did I do?

hyulk> you’re toying with my emotions

Kongbeanie> Okay what did you just read?

hyulk> they got back together!  
hyulk> after everything taek did how could hakyeon forgive him like that?

Kongbeanie> Oh … you’re welcome

hyulk> no seriously it’s just wrong

Kongbeanie> It’s called love

hyulk> it’s a bad idea  
hyulk> taek will cheat again  
hyulk> i’m just saying

Kongbeanie> Uh, reality’s over here, Hyukkie

hyulk> i can’t believe i’m still reading this story  
hyulk> even their make up sex was disgusting and soppy

Kongbeanie> There really isn’t a romantic bone in your body is there

hyulk> it’s your fault

Kongbeanie> Oh I can’t wait to hear this

hyulk> all that filth  
hyulk> i’m addicted

Kongbeanie> Hey I’ve SEEN your porn collection  
Kongbeanie> You can’t just blame me

hyulk> naruto is a bit different to US bean

Kongbeanie> Maybe I should just cut you off then  
Kongbeanie> For your own peace of mind

hyulk> you WOULDN’T

Kongbeanie> I’m only thinking of your welfare

hyulk> lies  
hyulk> if that was true you’d write me that story

Kongbeanie> WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH THIS

hyulk> i can’t help it  
hyulk> it keeps me up at night  
hyulk> there’s only one cure  
hyulk> bean?

*****

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> HERE  
Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/stark_ravi_mad/works/a_place_to_call_home

hyulk> what is it  
hyulk> did you finally write you and shik for me?

Kongbeanie> NO dammit

hyulk> then why do i care

Kongbeanie> Can you just look  
Kongbeanie> Please

hyulk> feeling needy today are we

Kongbeanie> Forget it

hyulk> wow drama queen … okay okay i’ll look

hyulk> dogs  
hyulk> you turned us into DOGS

Kongbeanie> Well puppies to be exact  
Kongbeanie> And not actual puppies  
Kongbeanie> Puppy hybrids

hyulk> NOT the point  
hyulk> anyway what the hell is with this hybrid idea anyway

Kongbeanie> Some new thing  
Kongbeanie> All the cool kids are doing it so I thought I’d give it a try

Hyuk> Looks like an excuse to mash us up with anime catboys

Kongbeanie> Dogboys … except for Taekwoon of course  
Kongbeanie> He's always a cat

hyulk> whatever  
hyulk> you turned the dorm into an animal shelter with hakyeon in charge  
hyulk> why would you even think about that

Kongbeanie> I was bored and my partner wasn’t talking to me

hyulk> not working on your super secret project of doom?

Kongbeanie> Blocked again, dammit

hyulk> i could help

Kongbeanie> Nice try but no

hyulk> you’re gonna tell me sooner or later  
hyulk> and i’ll see it when it’s finished

Kongbeanie> Anyway

Kongbeanie> It was a bit of fun

hyulk> it was WEIRD  
hyulk> all those tails  
hyulk> turning jae into a pomeranian was pretty funny tho

Kongbeanie> I’d ask you to show it to him but he’d probably think it was cute  
Kongbeanie> Which is no fun at all

hyulk> this is what you get for disappointing your readers  
hyulk> you know what you need to write now?

Kongbeanie> DO NOT START WITH ME

hyulk> nonono  
hyulk> i’ve given up on you and shik

Kongbeanie> Why don’t I believe you?

hyulk> it’s true … i can’t live my life pining for it anymore  
hyulk> i have to let go of my dream  
hyulk> even though my poor heart is breaking

Kongbeanie> Is this supposed to make me feel sorry for you?  
Kongbeanie> Because I’m really not

hyulk> i’m hurt  
hyulk> i’m just thinking of your reputation

Kongbeanie> I’m going to regret asking this  
Kongbeanie> What’s your idea?

hyulk> go dark again

Kongbeanie> I’m listening

hyulk> something freaky like vampires

Kongbeanie> It’s been done

hyulk> SPACE vampires  
hyulk> or we get trapped in a video game  
hyulk> or dragged into another world

Kongbeanie> Okay you’re just going through our videos now aren’t you

hyulk> curse dolls!

Kongbeanie> you need to read more widely  
Kongbeanie> EVERYONE writes that

hyulk> not like you would

Kongbeanie> Well that’s flattering

hyulk> because you’re really twisted  
hyulk> your mind is just wrong

Kongbeanie> Remind me again why I keep you around

hyulk> i’m just trying to help  
hyulk> think how many starlights you can break

Kongbeanie> Yes because I live for destroying our fans

hyulk> you can’t fool me mister flame war  
hyulk> you loved that

Kongbeanie> I told you I didn’t start it

hyulk> and i believe you  
hyulk> really  
hyulk> cmon just consider it


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> i may have nightmares
> 
> Kongbeanie> You say the nicest things to me
> 
> hyulk> i mean i know i said go dark but  
> hyulk> i’m never gonna be able to look at you the same way again
> 
> Kongbeanie> You asked for it

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

hyulk> so did you do it?  
hyulk> it’s been ages since i’ve seen anything new  
hyulk> i’m dying here

Kongbeanie> There’s lots out there to read besides me

hyulk> it’s not the same

Kongbeanie> Why? Because you know who’s writing it?

hyulk> well that helps  
hyulk> but seriously it’s because it’s really good  
hyulk> even the puppies

Kongbeanie> Okay what do you want?  
Kongbeanie> You’re never this nice

hyulk> wow okay  
hyulk> try to give a guy a compliment

Kongbeanie> I’m just naturally suspicious

hyulk> this is not news  
hyulk> so did you?

Kongbeanie> Did I write a curse doll story?  
Kongbeanie> Sadly … yes

hyulk> you are forever my favourite person  
hyulk> even if you did shatter my one cherished dream

Kongbeanie> I swear to god …  
Kongbeanie> If you keep this up I WILL write it  
Kongbeanie> But you won’t like it

hyulk> i’m sure i’ll love it

Kongbeanie> Not after I write a version of myself that goes Hannibal Lecter on Wonsik

hyulk> you wouldn’t

Kongbeanie> You’re right, I wouldn’t  
Kongbeanie> I’d do worse

hyulk> now i really can’t wait to read it

Kongbeanie> I thought you lived for the porn

hyulk> i’m diversifying

Kongbeanie> Well diversify your way over to this then and let me get on with it  
Kongbeanie> [www.bandfics.com/taekmetaekmenow/works/song_of_the_curse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547377)

hyulk> daaaaaaamn  
hyulk> that is FUCKED UP

Kongbeanie> Thank you

hyulk> completely

Kongbeanie> So you liked it then

hyulk> not sure that’s the word for it  
hyulk> i may have nightmares

Kongbeanie> You say the nicest things to me

hyulk> i mean i know i said go dark but  
hyulk> i’m never gonna be able to look at you the same way again

Kongbeanie> You asked for it

hyulk> didn’t know you were gonna write yourself in as a psycho  
hyulk> like  
hyulk> ‘He remembers how he trembled the first time the witch put the long pins into his hand. How his own distorted face, reflected in the pearl heads, stared back at him. How his friends called out for his help as he raised the doll. How they screamed when he made his first, tentative jab at the doll’s stomach. He cried, then. He doesn’t cry anymore, and his hands no longer shake.’

Kongbeanie> I guess it’s pretty screwed up, yeah

hyulk> you GUESS???  
hyulk> it’s like i don’t know you at all

Kongbeanie> I’m actually pleased with how it turned out  
Kongbeanie> So thank you for suggesting it

hyulk> not sure i want to claim any credit for this

Kongbeanie> Come on you’re my partner  
Kongbeanie> My inspiration  
Kongbeanie> Be proud of it

hyulk> well  
hyulk> you are getting a lot of attention for this one

Kongbeanie> See? Couldn’t have done it without you

hyulk> omg  
hyulk> check your messages  
hyulk> hakyeon’s called an online meeting to talk about this

Kongbeanie> Oh this is a dream come true  
Kongbeanie> Game face on, partner


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> N-Mi> Management is concerned.
> 
> sh1kkie> because of a stupid story?
> 
> N-Mi> They’re viewing this as a possible threat aimed at our safety.
> 
> hyulk> WHAT
> 
> Kongbeanie> ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

[](https://ibb.co/DVw3xqD)

[](https://ibb.co/Y2H64Kx)

[](https://ibb.co/gvXk7Jk)

[](https://ibb.co/4WfYz1S)

[](https://ibb.co/9vVFRyr)

[](https://ibb.co/3NWsZJB)

[](https://ibb.co/pPBWDx2)

[](https://ibb.co/p2t9Hcv)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> you okay?
> 
> Kongbeanie> NO  
> Kongbeanie> I’m freaking the fuck out what do you think
> 
> *****

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

_hyulk has invited you to [prisoners-in-crime]_

hyulk> you okay?

Kongbeanie> NO  
Kongbeanie> I’m freaking the fuck out what do you think

hyulk> no one knows it’s you

Kongbeanie> Not really the point  
Kongbeanie> We’re on lockdown  
Kongbeanie> We’ve got extra security  
Kongbeanie> IT WAS A FUCKING STORY

hyulk> wow settle down

Kongbeanie> I don’t know whether to laugh or scream about this

hyulk> come on they overreacted  
hyulk> and you know that story was really in-your-face  
hyulk> they’ll get over it

Kongbeanie> I am so fucked  
Kongbeanie> I’m deleting everything

hyulk> NO YOU’RE NOT  
hyulk> that stuff is too good

Kongbeanie> It was a mistake to do this

hyulk> calm down or i’m coming to smack you until you do  
hyulk> even if you did delete your accounts you know it would still be out there  
hyulk> and how would it look if it suddenly disappeared anyway  
hyulk> right after this meeting

Kongbeanie> Do you actually think you’re helping here?

hyulk> do you think they’ve got a point about this

Kongbeanie> Of course I don’t

hyulk> then why are you freaking out so much?  
hyulk> they won’t find out it’s you  
hyulk> you’re not that sloppy

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> I’m not writing anything else

hyulk> don’t say that  
hyulk> what will your readers say if your lovebirds never get married

Kongbeanie> At this point I’m not sure I care much  
Kongbeanie> I wasn’t doing it for them 

hyulk> i don’t want you to stop writing  
hyulk> not just because i want to read it  
hyulk> although i really really do  
hyulk> but you love doing it  
hyulk> so you should keep doing it

Kongbeanie> Hyukkie

hyulk> so snap out of it okay partner?

Kongbeanie> I’m going to regret this

hyulk> attaboy

*****

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> hey

Kongbeanie> What

hyulk> you okay?  
hyulk> haven’t seen anything new for a while

Kongbeanie> I’m not a machine you know

hyulk> just checking  
hyulk> you’ve been really quiet  
hyulk> hey are you working on your super-duper ultra-secret project or something?

Kongbeanie> Maybe

hyulk> is it ever going to be finished?

Kongbeanie> I don’t know yet  
Kongbeanie> The characters haven’t told me

hyulk> oh now i really want to know  
hyulk> cmon just a teaser  
hyulk> a treat for your partner

Kongbeanie> What makes you think you’ll ever see it anyway?

hyulk> you WOULDN’T

Kongbeanie> Wouldn’t I?  
Kongbeanie> You said it yourself, I’m twisted

hyulk> but it’s ME

Kongbeanie> And?

hyulk> you’re so cruel to me  
hyulk> i support you through your time of crisis  
hyulk> i’m your faithful companion  
hyulk> your champion  
hyulk> and this is how you repay me

Kongbeanie> Emotional blackmail, I’m impressed

hyulk> is it working?

Kongbeanie> Not even slightly

hyulk> you’ll show me in the end

Kongbeanie> You think so

hyulk> you won’t be able to resist  
hyulk> i will wear you down

Kongbeanie> You’ll just have to wait and see won’t you?

hyulk> you are writing something though?  
hyulk> anything really would be good

Kongbeanie> I might be working on a story  
Kongbeanie> *grin*

hyulk> oh no what are you planning?

Kongbeanie> Let’s just say revenge will be sweet


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> God what is your fixation with my love life?
> 
> hyulk> your LACK of love life you mean  
> hyulk> can’t blame a partner for being concerned
> 
> Kongbeanie> Go away now and let me write

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> got a question

Kongbeanie> At 2.30 am you have a question that can’t wait?  
Kongbeanie> This better be good

hyulk> like you were asleep anyway  
hyulk> i can hear you bashing that keyboard  
hyulk> these walls are thin

Kongbeanie> You’re just lucky, you don’t share a wall with Hakyeon  
Kongbeanie> The things I hear

hyulk> feel free never to tell me about that  
hyulk> btw did you realise you laugh like a serial killer when you write  
hyulk> it’s really creepy

Kongbeanie> How do you know I’m writing when I do that?  
Kongbeanie> I could be plotting world domination

hyulk> i pretty much assume you do that anyway  
hyulk> no it’s different when you’re writing  
hyulk> it’s quieter  
hyulk> i can tell

Kongbeanie> How very stalker-ish of you

hyulk> number one fan, remember?

Kongbeanie> ANYWAY  
Kongbeanie> What’s so important you have to interrupt me?

hyulk> why don’t you ever write one of those coffee shop things

Kongbeanie> Because they’re boring

hyulk> or one where we’re all at university  
hyulk> or someone runs a flower shop

Kongbeanie> Flower shop  
Kongbeanie> Think about who you’re talking to here

hyulk> excuse ME mister jaded cynical flower boy  
hyulk> but why not one of those  
hyulk> everyone else does

Kongbeanie> That’s exactly why  
Kongbeanie> EVERYONE does those

hyulk> you said everyone does curse dolls too  
hyulk> and yet you wrote one

Kongbeanie> AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT ME

hyulk> eyeroll  
hyulk> so dramatic  
hyulk> it was one week of being inconvenienced

Kongbeanie> It was ridiculous  
Kongbeanie> I got escorted by security to the set every day

hyulk> bet that went down well with the rest of the cast

Kongbeanie> God you have no idea  
Kongbeanie> Sohee didn’t shut up about it all week

hyulk> Oooh, ‘Sohee’, is it?  
hyulk> we’re on first name terms with our noona now, are we??  
hyulk> how very cosy of you

Kongbeanie> For fuck’s sake  
Kongbeanie> We worked together that’s all  
Kongbeanie> Stop trying to make something out of it

hyulk> i’m just saying

Kongbeanie> I told you there’s nothing  
Kongbeanie> We just hung out  
Kongbeanie> She’s not even my type

hyulk> could have fooled me  
hyulk> the way you were talking about her

Kongbeanie> She’s a good actress!  
Kongbeanie> God what is your fixation with my love life?

hyulk> your LACK of love life you mean  
hyulk> can’t blame a partner for being concerned

Kongbeanie> Go away now and let me write


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> you toy with my heart, bean  
> hyulk> i don’t know why we stay together
> 
> Kongbeanie> For fuck's sake

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> bored  
hyulk> boooooored

Kongbeanie> Go away and watch One Piece or something

hyulk> seen it all

Kongbeanie> That’s never stopped you before  
Kongbeanie> You watch that stuff so often you can quote every word  
Kongbeanie> In Japanese  
Kongbeanie> You already destroyed a bunch of DVDs back when we were trainees

hyulk> that’s my point  
hyulk> i’m over it

Kongbeanie> Who are you and what have you done with my maknae

hyulk> excuse me, YOUR maknae?  
hyulk> possessive much?

Kongbeanie> It’s a figure of speech

hyulk> uh-huh  
hyulk> i’m sure

Kongbeanie> ...

hyulk> don’t get me wrong, i’m touched  
hyulk> i didn’t know you cared

Kongbeanie> Don’t flatter yourself  
Kongbeanie> Because I really don’t

hyulk> is that any way to talk to your partner?  
hyulk> and after everything i’ve done for you

Kongbeanie> Don’t start this again

hyulk> i’ve been faithful and everything  
hyulk> even though you treat me bad

Kongbeanie> What the fuck

hyulk> i could have asked someone else to write you and shik for me  
hyulk> but i was loyal  
hyulk> i didn’t stray

Kongbeanie> What are we, MARRIED

hyulk> ooh is that a proposal?

Kongbeanie> NO

hyulk> you toy with my heart, bean  
hyulk> i don’t know why we stay together

Kongbeanie> For fuck's sake

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> so are you just avoiding me or what  
hyulk> you don’t answer your texts  
hyulk> you haven’t published anything new for ages

hyulk> bean?  
hyulk> it was a JOKE

hyulk> talk to me


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sh1kkie> hey binnie, wanna help me kill hyuk?
> 
> Kongbeanie> Don’t fucking tempt me

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_sh1kkie is online_

sh1kkie> hey binnie, wanna help me kill hyuk?

Kongbeanie> Don’t fucking tempt me  
Kongbeanie> What’s he done to you?

sh1kkie> he linked me to this stupid story about me and leo.  
sh1kkie> just porn, really.

Kongbeanie> He did?  
Kongbeanie> Don’t tell me you got embarrassed  
Kongbeanie> You

sh1kkie> well 

Kongbeanie> Thought not

Sh1kkie> all right, no, but it was a bit weird at first.  
sh1kkie> leo just about DIED when he found out.

Kongbeanie> So that’s what that was about in our quote emergency unquote meeting

sh1kkie> I thought hyukkie told him already and put my foot in it.

Kongbeanie> Surprised you’re still alive

sh1kkie> I run fast.  
sh1kkie> anyway.  
sh1kkie> once I read that one …

Kongbeanie> Let me guess, you went looking for more?

sh1kkie> this is why I want to kill him.  
sh1kkie> it’s kinda addictive, surprisingly.

Kongbeanie> So I’ve heard  
Kongbeanie> So what did you find?

sh1kkie> a bunch of different things, pretty funny really.  
sh1kkie> mostly about me and leo, but they write about us too

Kongbeanie> God, I can’t imagine

sh1kkie> want me to link you?

Kongbeanie> Thanks I’ll pass

sh1kkie> guess what else I found

Kongbeanie> I don’t know, maybe Taekwoon and Jaehwan?

sh1kkie> only found a couple of those and couldn’t bring myself to read them.

Kongbeanie> Liar

sh1kkie> would you believe I didn’t finish them?

Kongbeanie> Try again

sh1kkie> but that’s not the best thing I found.  
sh1kkie> check it.  
sh1kkie> www.bandfics.com/inner-sakura/works/you_dont_see_me

Kongbeanie> I’d really rather not  
Kongbeanie> There are better ways to abuse my eyes

sh1kkie> no really, you should look at this, it’s hilarious.

Kongbeanie> Can’t you just summarise?

sh1kkie> it won’t be the same.  
sh1kkie> oh all right, how about a teaser then?  
sh1kkie> it’s all about you and our resident monster.

Kongbeanie> What??

sh1kkie> you and Hyukkie

Kongbeanie> Definitely not looking now

sh1kkie> he pines for you in this story, Binnie.  
sh1kkie> piiiiiines.  
sh1kkie> even writes poetry.

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> Excuse me, I have to throw up now  
Kongbeanie> Fucking Starlights and their fan crushes, I don’t know

sh1kkie> seriously, you should read it.  
sh1kkie> and now i’m gonna go link hyukkie 

Kongbeanie> Don’t

sh1kkie> it’s the perfect revenge though.  
sh1kkie> later.

_sh1kkie is offline_

Kongbeanie> Fuck.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> Since when do you care about plot when it comes to porn?
> 
> hyulk> i never USED to  
> hyulk> it’s your fault
> 
> Kongbeanie> Really
> 
> hyulk> you put too much plot in your porn  
> hyulk> i’m ruined for anything else now
> 
> Kongbeanie> Then why did you subscribe to the weekly updates for this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, yes, so [Song of the Curse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547377) is a real thing now. Dammit. You can also find the link in the chapter where it's first mentioned. 
> 
> Updates every week, or sooner, if things goes really well. Or badly. Depending on how dark it gets.
> 
> Special thanks to vixxbitch (again) for the latest username.

_hyulk is online  
Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> WHAT

Kongbeanie> Oh god you looked didn’t you?  
Kongbeanie> I told Wonshik not to link you

hyulk> no idea what you’re talking about  
hyulk> what’s shik done now

Kongbeanie> Never mind  
Kongbeanie> What’s got you all worked up?

hyulk> i can’t believe you did this

Kongbeanie> Ah  
Kongbeanie> You found it, then

hyulk> if by it you mean  
hyulk> www.bandfics.com/hongbincaughtstealing/works/the_n_diaries  
hyulk> then yeah i found it

Kongbeanie> Surprise

hyulk> why didn’t you just link me direct?

Kongbeanie> Sometimes it’s fun to see how long it’ll take you

hyulk> wasn’t hard really  
hyulk> your username puns are showing

Kongbeanie> So

hyulk> so  
hyulk> you dedicated it to ‘your number one fan’  
hyulk> does that mean we’re talking again?

Kongbeanie> We’re talking now

hyulk> you know what i fucking mean  
hyulk> oh forget it

Kongbeanie> Wait  
Kongbeanie> YES we’re talking

hyulk> apology accepted

Kongbeanie> How was that an apology?

hyulk> it’s okay you don’t have to spell it out

Kongbeanie> Clearly this was a mistake  
Kongbeanie> Logging off now

hyulk> you don’t want to hear my reaction to your story?

Kongbeanie> ...

hyulk> cmon

Kongbeanie> Why do I know this is a bad idea?  
Kongbeanie> All right then  
Kongbeanie> What did you think

hyulk> it’s okay

Kongbeanie> OKAY  
Kongbeanie> ARE YOU KIDDING

hyulk> too easy  
hyulk> you’re so needy sometimes

Kongbeanie> Goddammit

hyulk> i have to know  
hyulk> why make hakyeon into the high class call girl  
hyulk> and not taek or shik

Kongbeanie> Call it revenge

hyulk> for what, the freak-out over your curse doll story?

Kongbeanie> No  
Kongbeanie> Well maybe a bit  
Kongbeanie> Mostly revenge on the readers who want more romance

hyulk> ha i knew you couldn’t keep that up  
hyulk> you hate romance

Kongbeanie> Hey a writer suffers for his art  
Kongbeanie> They’ll get their wedding in the end  
Kongbeanie> But I need to take a break from the cuteness occasionally

hyulk> and you do that by writing shameless porn with no plot at all

Kongbeanie> Since when do you care about plot when it comes to porn?

hyulk> i never USED to  
hyulk> it’s your fault

Kongbeanie> Really

hyulk> you put too much plot in your porn  
hyulk> i’m ruined for anything else now

Kongbeanie> Then why did you subscribe to the weekly updates for this?

hyulk> …  
hyulk> i’m hoping a plot will suddenly appear

Kongbeanie> Wait until you get to Day 17

hyulk> ooh what happens then?

Kongbeanie> That’s all I’m saying

hyulk> but with weekly updates that’ll be FOREVER

Kongbeanie> Good things come to those who wait


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> Hyuukie  
> Kongbeanie> Hyukkiee  
> Kongbeanie> hyukkieeeeeeeee
> 
> hyulk> what the fuck, bean  
> hyulk> it’s the middle of the night
> 
> Kongbeanie> Annoying isn’t it

_sh1kkie is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

sh1kkie> that was completely worth it.

Kongbeanie> What did you do?

sh1kkie> got my revenge.

Kongbeanie> You linked Hyuk to that story?  
Kongbeanie> I told you not to do that

sh1kkie> you’re too soft on him.  
sh1kkie> he deserves to be embarrassed once in a while.

Kongbeanie> No argument there  
Kongbeanie> I just don’t think it was a good idea

sh1kkie> oh come on, you read it.  
sh1kkie> you know it’s just a bit of fun.

Kongbeanie> Actually I haven’t

sh1kkie> you’re kidding me.  
sh1kkie> it’s hilarious  
sh1kkie> just your sort of thing.

Kongbeanie> You said there was bad poetry involved  
Kongbeanie> Rather not be sick to my stomach

sh1kkie> well you’re in a mood.

Kongbeanie> It’s just not my thing

sh1kkie> bet you’ll love it.  
sh1kkie> it’s FUNNY.  
sh1kkie> look, if you don’t like it we’ll go out drinking and i’ll pay for everything

Kongbeanie> That’s tempting  
Kongbeanie> Emptying your wallet, that is

sh1kkie> only if you REALLY don’t like it.  
sh1kkie> you have to give it a fair reading.

Kongbeanie> Okay okay  
Kongbeanie> I’ll read it

sh1kkie> www.bandfics.com/inner-sakura/works/you_dont_see_me  
sh1kkie> you won’t regret it, I promise.

Kongbeanie> I regret it already.

*****

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> Hyuukie  
Kongbeanie> Hyukkiee  
Kongbeanie> hyukkieeeeeeeee

hyulk> what the fuck, bean  
hyulk> it’s the middle of the night

Kongbeanie> Annoying isn’t it

hyulk> i’m SLEEPING here

Kongbeanie> No you’re not youre takling to me  
Kongbeanie> XD

hyulk> only until i can log out

Kongbeanie> don’t be like that  
Kongbeanie> You’re here now let’s talk

hyulk> all right fine  
hyulk> since i’m AWAKE anyway  
hyulk> what do you want to talk about?

Kongbeanie> Guess what  
Kongbeanie> go onyou’ll never

hyulk> wow i wonder  
hyulk> you’re drunk

Kongbeanie> NOPE

hyulk> you’re completely hammered

Kongbeanie> how’d you know????

hyulk> your typing goes to shit when you’re drunk  
hyulk> if you still had autocorrect enabled it would be hilarious  
hyulk> this way it’s just annoying

Kongbeanie> MEAN

hyulk> also i overheard shik boasting to jae  
hyulk> he said he was planning to drink you under the table tonight  
hyulk> looks like he succeeded

Kongbeanie> HA no I had to drag him hoem  
Kongbeanie> home

hyulk> where is he now?

Kongbeanie> Dont know don’t care  
Kongbeanie> Rather tlak to you anyway

hyulk> that’s sweet but  
hyulk> SLEEPING

Kongbeanie> Touhgt you’d want to talk toyour paternr  
Kongbeanie> patrner  
Kongbeanie> partner  
Kongbeanie> dammit

hyulk> maybe when i’m awake and you’re sober  
hyulk> and making sense  
hyulk> right now you’re just being annoying

Kongbeanie: Youre right  
Kongbeanie> this was a bad idea  
Kongbeanie> I’ll goaway then

hyulk> ...

Kongbeanie> sorry

hyulk> goddammit  
hyulk> what do you want??

Kongbeanie> it’s ok go back sleep

hyulk> come on bean, if you woke me up you must want something

Kongbeanie> night Hyukkie

hyulk> seriously

Kongbeanie> You’re a good partner  
Kongbeanie> thebest

_Kongbeanie is offline_

hyulk> what the fuck just happened


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> i’m on day 6  
> hyulk> are you just going through a kink alphabet or something
> 
> Kongbeanie> More like kink bingo  
> hyulk> okay but  
> hyulk> BALLOONS  
> hyulk> really?

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

hyulk> so have you remembered yet?

Kongbeanie> Remembered what?

hyulk> what you woke me up in the middle of the night for

Kongbeanie> Oh that

hyulk> yes that  
hyulk> i figure 3 days is enough to get over even that hangover  
hyulk> so what was it?

Kongbeanie> The hangover wasn’t that bad

hyulk> you yelled at taek for breathing too loudly outside your room  
hyulk> TAEK

Kongbeanie> That was just a joke

hyulk> i call bullshit  
hyulk> you threatened to take embarrassing photos and show starlight if he didn’t

Kongbeanie> I might have overreacted a bit  
Kongbeanie> Worked though

hyulk> so have you?

Kongbeanie> Remembered anything?  
Kongbeanie> Nope not a thing

hyulk> right  
hyulk> i believe you

Kongbeanie> Is that it or did you have something interesting you wanted to talk about?

hyulk> excuse ME

Kongbeanie> Sorry

hyulk> bad writing day?

Kongbeanie> Something like that

hyulk> can i help?

Kongbeanie> I’ll work it out  
Kongbeanie> You can distract me though  
Kongbeanie> I promise not to be a shit

hyulk> well … okay  
hyulk> i’m on day 6  
hyulk> are you just going through a kink alphabet or something

Kongbeanie> More like kink bingo  
Kongbeanie> It’s something a bunch of writers are doing on one of the groups

hyulk> okay but  
hyulk> BALLOONS  
hyulk> really?

Kongbeanie> Don’t tell me I shocked you

hyulk> i didn’t even know that was a thing

Kongbeanie> So sheltered

hyulk> it’s not a thing  
hyulk> is it?

Kongbeanie> The world is a strange and wonderful place

hyulk> but how do you  
hyulk> no  
hyulk> i don’t wanna know

Kongbeanie> It’s called research

hyulk> you know hakyeon hates balloons popping near him

Kongbeanie> That’s what made it so much fun to write  
Kongbeanie> Those are the breaks when you’re a call girl

hyulk> about that  
hyulk> did you really turn him into a girl?  
hyulk> it’s just that so far we haven’t seen anything to confirm it

Kongbeanie> Would you have a problem if I did?

hyulk> oh what’s this  
hyulk> suddenly taking my wishes into account  
hyulk> how sweet

Kongbeanie> That’s not what I meant

hyulk> no i appreciate it  
hyulk> really

Kongbeanie> Why do you do this to me?

hyulk> you know why  
hyulk> plus you promised to be nice

Kongbeanie> Yeah that’s never happening again

hyulk> just think of me as a one man reader poll  
hyulk> i speak for all fans

Kongbeanie> You know what forget I asked


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> bean why  
> hyulk> whyyyyyyy
> 
> Kongbeanie> What’s your problem?
> 
> hyulk> pokemon  
> hyulk> you turned us into pokemon

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> bean why  
hyulk> www.bandfics.com/stark_ravi_mad/works/idolmon_showdown  
hyulk> whyyyyyyy

Kongbeanie> What’s your problem?

hyulk> pokemon  
hyulk> you turned us into pokemon

Kongbeanie> Pokemon pop idols to be exact  
Kongbeanie> Even had a number one album  
Kongbeanie> I thought you’d like that  
Kongbeanie> Being an anime nerd and all

hyulk> please i only like quality anime

Kongbeanie> So judgmental

hyulk> you know nothing about pokemon  
hyulk> why would you do this

Kongbeanie> Why not?

hyulk> how’d you decide which pokemon to turn us into?

Kongbeanie> I outsourced it  
Kongbeanie> Asked another writer whose sister is a pokemon fan  
Kongbeanie> Gave him a bunch of one-line character descriptions and he got her to match everyone up

hyulk> okay some of them i can see  
hyulk> scraggy’s a good fit for shik  
hyulk> and jae IS jigglypuff 

Kongbeanie> You mean Scravi and Jyanipuff?  
Kongbeanie> ㅋㅋㅋ

hyulk> but … frogadier?  
hyulk> REALLY??

Kongbeanie> Hyukadier

hyulk> _eyeroll_  
hyulk> whatever  
hyulk> how the hell did you describe me?

Kongbeanie> As I recall it was something like  
Kongbeanie> Lots of energy, long legs, throws people around

hyulk> that’s … actually fair  
hyulk> but why is taek the trainer and not hakyeon?

Kongbeanie> Funny story that  
Kongbeanie> She said she couldn’t match him up properly to a pokemon 

hyulk> are you kidding, i thought that would be easy  
hyulk> what did you say about him?

Kongbeanie> Shy but deadly, likes to bite, has a voice weapon  
Kongbeanie> Stumped her, so I made Taekwoon the trainer instead

hyulk> huh  
hyulk> look this is going to sound weird but i have to ask

Kongbeanie> Pretty sure I know where this is going

hyulk> was there something going on between taek and me?  
hyulk> i mean frogadier

Kongbeanie> Hyukadier

hyulk> focus dammit  
hyulk> was there?

Kongbeanie> What is it with you?  
Kongbeanie> You see smut everywhere

hyulk> okay okay so i’m paranoid

Kongbeanie> Actually  
Kongbeanie> I might have IMPLIED something

hyulk> i knew it  
hyulk> you know how fucked up that is right?

Kongbeanie> It was only implied  
Kongbeanie> I’m not responsible for where your filthy mind goes

hyulk> don’t play innocent with me bean  
hyulk> you knew exactly what you were doing

Kongbeanie> It could have been worse

hyulk> i really don’t want to know how

Kongbeanie> Hey I spared you the details

hyulk> oh you did that for me?  
hyulk> i’m touched

Kongbeanie> That’s not what I meant and you know it

hyulk> makes me feel all warm and special

Kongbeanie> Don’t make me turn you into a bunny hybrid and make you Jae’s pet

hyulk> you wouldn’t

Kongbeanie> Got to go, inspiration suddenly strikes

hyulk> BEAN NO  
hyulk> DON’T YOU DARE

_Kongbeanie is offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably apologise for this, but ... nah.
> 
> For the record? These are the Pokemon that were assigned to each band member, and the names given to them in Hongbin's story. Huge thanks to Crimson and her other half for their fandom expertise.
> 
> Hakyeon - Mienshao (Nshao)  
> Jaehwan - Jigglypuff (Jyanipuff)  
> Wonshik - Scraggy (Scravi)  
> Hongbin - Mawile (Mawilbean)  
> Hyuk - Frogadier (Hyukadier)
> 
> And Taekwoon, of course was the trainer.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> what’s with this fixation with taek??
> 
> hyulk> it’s like you’re obsessed with him  
> hyulk> wait  
> hyulk> are you??
> 
> hyulk> you never write about ME like that

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> okay i have to know  
hyulk> although i may hate myself for asking

Kongbeanie> What’s up?

hyulk> what’s with this fixation with taek??

Kongbeanie> What the hell  
Kongbeanie> Where did that come from?  
Kongbeanie> I don’t have a fixation with him

hyulk> well clearly something’s going on

Kongbeanie> Clearly you’ve lost your grip on reality

hyulk> i have EVIDENCE

Kongbeanie> Now I’m going to hate myself for asking  
Kongbeanie> What ‘evidence’ can you possibly have for this idea

hyulk> let’s see  
hyulk> psycho kidnapper torturer taek  
hyulk> evil fairy prince who keeps sex slaves taek

Kongbeanie> ONE sex slave

hyulk> don’t change the subject

Kongbeanie> Just being accurate

hyulk> cheats-on-the-love-of-his-life taek

Kongbeanie> HEY they got back together

hyulk> and now these  
hyulk> www.bandfics.com/yourlioneyes/works/the_perfect_drug  
hyulk> www.bandfics.com/kenyounot/works/art_and_soul

Kongbeanie> I wondered if you’d find those

hyulk> you should know by know i find everything you write

Kongbeanie> Not everything

hyulk> are you talking about your top secret if-i-tell-you-i’ll-have-to-kill-you project?  
hyulk> because i’ll read that too eventually

Kongbeanie> Keep telling yourself that

hyulk> ANYWAY  
hyulk> those last two stories prove my point  
hyulk> you have this weird thing with taek  
hyulk> first you make him into some kind of demon that gets addicted to the way you smell  
hyulk> which by the way is creepy as fuck

Kongbeanie> You never read the book our last album was based on did you?

hyulk> i read the summary  
hyulk> the book was too long

Kongbeanie> Kids today  
Kongbeanie> No patience

hyulk> THEN you turn him into a crazy artist who makes deals with the devil  
hyulk> taek can’t even draw!

Kongbeanie> Well yes  
Kongbeanie> Otherwise why would he sell his soul?

hyulk> really not the point

Kongbeanie> So what is your point?

hyulk> it’s a pattern  
hyulk> it’s always taek  
hyulk> he’s always really wrong

Kongbeanie> Not always  
Kongbeanie> He’s perfectly normal sometimes

hyulk> your little spanking scene?  
hyulk> that’s the exception  
hyulk> so what is it?

Kongbeanie> There’s really nothing sinister going on  
Kongbeanie> Look I turned Hakyeon into a sex worker and you were okay with that

hyulk> that’s NORMAL compared with what you’ve done to taek  
hyulk> it’s like you’re obsessed with him  
hyulk> wait  
hyulk> are you??

Kongbeanie> You are way off base

hyulk> omg you ARE  
hyulk> it all makes sense now  
hyulk> that’s why you’re so mean to him  
hyulk> because you’re obsessed

Kongbeanie> For fuck’s sake  
Kongbeanie> I am NOT obsessed with taek  
Kongbeanie> Where do you get these ideas anyway?

hyulk> hey you write it, i just read it  
hyulk> and you wrote so much of it  
hyulk> you never write about ME like that

Kongbeanie> You didn’t even want me to write about you in the first place!

hyulk> yes but now i feel all neglected

Kongbeanie> I just can’t win with you

hyulk> well you know how to make it up to me

Kongbeanie> You said you’d let that go

hyulk> nonono not you and shik  
hyulk> that dream is long buried  
hyulk> _sob_

Kongbeanie> And yet you never stop reminding me  
Kongbeanie> Somehow I’m not convinced

hyulk> i can’t help if if my heart is scarred  
hyulk> i do try to hide my pain you know

Kongbeanie> If you think this will make me pity you ...

hyulk> worth a try  
hyulk> no if you want to make me feel better it’s simple  
hyulk> give me the taek treatment

Kongbeanie> What

hyulk> you know  
hyulk> turn me into a demon or something

Kongbeanie> You’re already Satan, how much worse can I make you??

hyulk> you say the nicest things  
hyulk> i have faith in you  
hyulk> you’re so twisted i’m sure you can come up with something

Kongbeanie> You really don’t want me to do this

hyulk> i really really do

Kongbeanie> You won’t like it

hyulk> oh please  
hyulk> you know i’ll love it

Kongbeanie> You know you’ve actually finally gone insane, right?  
Kongbeanie> Totally lost touch with reality

hyulk> so that’s a yes then  
hyulk> AWESOME

Kongbeanie> Why do I do this to myself  
Kongbeanie> DON’T ANSWER THAT

*****

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> You asked for it  
Kongbeanie> I warned you  
Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/hyuked-on-vixx/works/a_different_me

hyulk> for me??  
hyulk> _hearteyes_  
hyulk> best partner EVER

Kongbeanie> Don’t thank me yet

hyulk> go away now i’m reading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _The Perfect Drug_ is, of course, based on the _Eau de VIXX_ concept album - which is, in turn, based on the extremely disturbing novel, [Perfume](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/343.Perfume).
> 
> Thanks to The_Man_With_The_Tattered_Smile for the username 'yourlioneyes'.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> I really don’t know what the fuck to do with you
> 
> hyulk> use that writer’s imagination of yours
> 
> Kongbeanie> I DID
> 
> hyulk> REALLY
> 
> Kongbeanie> Oh my god this conversation is over

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

Kongbeanie> Well?  
Kongbeanie> Don’t keep me in suspense dammit

hyulk> i … don’t know what to say

Kongbeanie> Oh fuck  
Kongbeanie> I TOLD you  
Kongbeanie> Look I’m sorry  
Kongbeanie> I’ll make it up to you  
Kongbeanie> I’ll take it down if you want me to  
Kongbeanie> Hyukkie?  
Kongbeanie> Partner?

hyulk> you are SO EASY  
hyulk> ㅋㅋㅋ

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> Goddammit  
Kongbeanie> I’m going to kill you  
Kongbeanie> Say your goodbyes

hyulk> ah you won’t murder me

Kongbeanie> Oh trust me, I wil

hyulk> you’d pine away and die without me

Kongbeanie> I really really won’t

hyulk> broken heart, BOOM  
hyulk> thousands of weeping starlights  
hyulk> and eomma sobbing into his handkerchief

Kongbeanie> Nope I’ll find a way to go on without you  
Kongbeanie> By remembering how good it felt to kill you

hyulk> it’s touching you think that  
hyulk> when you know i can beat you up without breaking a sweat

Kongbeanie> I’ll take my chances

hyulk> well before you TRY to kill me  
hyulk> don’t you want to know what i thought of the story?

Kongbeanie> No

hyulk> wow even in text you’re a bad liar  
hyulk> well brace yourself

Kongbeanie> You hated it

hyulk> well now that you mention it

Kongbeanie> I knew it

hyulk> IT WAS AWESOME

Kongbeanie> What?

hyulk> it was so fucked up, i loved it  
hyulk> in fact it’s my new favourite thing

Kongbeanie> Are you sure you actually read the right story?  
Kongbeanie> I turned you into a total psycho serial killer  
Kongbeanie> Crazy fingerpainting with body fluids and talking to your reflection and everything

hyulk> but i was a really cool psycho who got away with it  
hyulk> best of all i got to kill taek  
hyulk> your obsession  
hyulk> i feel privileged

Kongbeanie> HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU  
Kongbeanie> If there’s any obsessing going on around here it isn’t from me

hyulk> denial is unhealthy you know  
hyulk> you should just admit it and come to terms with it

Kongbeanie> Ignoring that

hyulk> so that split personality  
hyulk> you got that from hyde didn’t you?

Kongbeanie> The title wasn’t a dead giveaway?

hyulk> well yeah  
hyulk> pity evil me didn’t have wings though  
hyulk> that was the best look

Kongbeanie> I was going for realism

hyulk> HA think about what you just said

Kongbeanie> You know what I mean  
Kongbeanie> Anyway  
Kongbeanie> You really did like it?  
Kongbeanie> You’re not just screwing with me again are you?

hyulk> i really did  
hyulk> seriously it’s great 

Kongbeanie> But you like the smut  
Kongbeanie> And the angst

hyulk> so?

Kongbeanie> You even like the romance  
Kongbeanie> Don’t pretend you don’t

hyulk> …  
hyulk> maybe a bit

Kongbeanie> And you were weirded out by what I did to Taekwoon  
Kongbeanie> Yet you like it when I do the same thing to you??  
Kongbeanie> I don’t get it

hyulk> don’t you?  
hyulk> and here i thought you were smart  
hyulk> guess not

Kongbeanie> What the hell is that supposed to mean?

hyulk> i’m sure you can work it out  
hyulk> maybe if you weren’t so distracted

Kongbeanie> The only thing distracting me around here is YOU

hyulk> so i’m just a distraction to you?  
hyulk> so cruel to me  
hyulk> i knew you were just using me but i told myself you’d change  
hyulk> but no  
hyulk> you only care about your totally utterly uber secret project  
hyulk> _sob_

Kongbeanie> ...  
Kongbeanie> I really don’t know what the fuck to do with you

hyulk> use that writer’s imagination of yours

Kongbeanie> I DID

hyulk> REALLY

Kongbeanie> Oh my god this conversation is over

_Kongbeanie is offline_

hyulk> it’s just getting started


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> where the hell did THIS idea come from
> 
> Kongbeanie> Same place all the rest come from of course  
> Kongbeanie> The dark corners of my mind
> 
> hyulk> the dark corners of your mind are even scarier than i thought then

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> it’s finally happened  
hyulk> you’ve gone completely crazy

Kongbeanie> That happened a long time ago  
Kongbeanie> What gave it away?

hyulk> no i don’t just mean twisted  
hyulk> you’ve always been that

Kongbeanie> Then what?

hyulk> [www.bandfics.com/stark_ravi_mad/works/deliciously_doomed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18754819)

Kongbeanie> Oh  
Kongbeanie> ㅋㅋㅋ

hyulk> where the hell did this idea come from

Kongbeanie> Same place all the rest come from of course  
Kongbeanie> The dark corners of my mind

hyulk> the dark corners of your mind are even scarier than i thought then

Kongbeanie> It was one of those weird writer games things  
Kongbeanie> Someone set up a random number generator and you use it twice  
Kongbeanie> That gives you two kinds of story and you have to make them into one

hyulk> and you just happened to get what, sentient pastries???  
hyulk> i call bullshit

Kongbeanie> I got ‘werewolf’ and ‘objects that talk’  
Kongbeanie> The rest was all me

hyulk> so you made taek into a were-hamster  
hyulk> and shik into a talking cinnamon roll  
hyulk> and it was a love story??  
hyulk> like  
hyulk> 'You're ... you're just so beautiful,' whispered Leo, eyes shining. 'The way your icing glistens in the moonlight ...'  
hyulk> who DOES that

Kongbeanie> It was a tragic romance

hyulk> it was definitely tragic  
hyulk> i mean what kind of life could they even have together  
hyulk> taek kept wanting to eat shik!

Kongbeanie> Only when he’s human  
Kongbeanie> When he’s a hamster they can snuggle

hyulk> and get hamster fur all over shik’s icing  
hyulk> although the way shik tried to be a badass cinnamon roll was pretty funny

Kongbeanie> I knew you’d like it

hyulk> had a question though about one of the tags  
hyulk> what’s vore??

Kongbeanie> It’s when someone wants to eat someone else  
Kongbeanie> It’s a fetish thing

hyulk> …  
hyulk> you made that up  
hyulk> it’s not a thing

Kongbeanie> It really is a thing

hyulk> so when you wrote taek wanted to eat shik  
hyulk> it was a metaphor?  
hyulk> please tell me it was a metaphor

Kongbeanie> No he really did want to eat Wonshik  
Kongbeanie> Just not because he was hungry  
Kongbeanie> Well not that way anyway

hyulk> …  
hyulk> I can’t

Kongbeanie> You really are sheltered aren’t you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Should 'Hongbin' write this story??


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> so  
> hyulk> tell me about your first
> 
> Kongbeanie> EXCUSE you?
> 
> hyulk> you know
> 
> Kongbeanie> Since when did we have that kind of relationship

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> so ...

Kongbeanie> So?

hyulk> i’ve been wondering something

Kongbeanie> Why am I suddenly worried?  
Kongbeanie> Oh wait, I know  
Kongbeanie> Experience

hyulk> you have no faith in me  
hyulk> is that any way to treat your partner?

Kongbeanie> Like I said  
Kongbeanie> Experience

hyulk> …  
hyulk> after all i’ve done for you  
hyulk> cmon you know you can’t deny me

Kongbeanie> All right, what is it?

hyulk> you’re so soft

Kongbeanie> I already regret asking

hyulk> so  
hyulk> tell me about your first

Kongbeanie> EXCUSE you?

hyulk> you know

Kongbeanie> Since when did we have that kind of relationship

hyulk> ㅋㅋㅋ  
hyulk> not what i was asking but iiiiinnnteresting your mind went there

Kongbeanie> That’s it I’m logging off

hyulk> i meant your first story  
hyulk> i know it wasn’t that one with LR and taek getting spanked

Kongbeanie> How do you figure that?

hyulk> that one was too good

Kongbeanie> You’re really not doing yourself any favours here

hyulk> wow try to give a guy a compliment 

Kongbeanie> I’m suspicious of compliments from you  
Kongbeanie> I wonder why  
Kongbeanie> But as it happens you’re right, that wasn’t my first

hyulk> i knew it  
hyulk> so what was it and why can’t i find it?

Kongbeanie> It was awful  
Kongbeanie> And I took it down within minutes of posting it  
Kongbeanie> And yes I know it’s probably still out there somewhere  
Kongbeanie> Hopefully disappeared down a deep dark internet hole

hyulk> it can’t have been that bad  
hyulk> i’ve seen some crap first stories out there and i’m sure yours was better

Kongbeanie> No it was really really terrible  
Kongbeanie> I cringe just thinking about it

hyulk> you still have a copy don’t you

Kongbeanie> What makes you think that?

hyulk> you DO  
hyulk> i want to read it

Kongbeanie> Not a chance  
Kongbeanie> You have enough ammunition already

hyulk> beeeaaannn  
hyulk> pretty please  
hyulk> promise not to laugh

Kongbeanie> Not happening

hyulk> don’t you trust me

Kongbeanie> Seriously, do you want an answer to that?

hyulk> at least tell me the plot  
hyulk> assuming there was one  
hyulk> or was it just porn?

Kongbeanie> I didn’t just jump into this whole writing thing with smut

hyulk> you surprise me

Kongbeanie> I’m not Wonshik 

hyulk> oddly enough i’d noticed 

Kongbeanie> What’s that supposed to mean?

hyulk> what do you think it means?

Kongbeanie> Never mind

hyulk> so tell me what your first story was about then  
hyulk> you know you really want to  
hyulk> or else you would have deleted it

Kongbeanie> Actually I kept it to teach myself a lesson  
Kongbeanie> Stops me getting too cocky about what I write

hyulk> TELL ME

Kongbeanie> Why do I indulge you?

hyulk> cos i’m your number one fan  
hyulk> and you luuuurve me

Kongbeanie> …

hyulk> because you like torturing yourself?

Kongbeanie> That sounds more like it  
Kongbeanie> Oh god all right

_Kongbeanie has shared bewitched_dragon.docx_

hyulk> wow  
hyulk> i can tell just from the title it’s going to be special

Kongbeanie> FUCK  
Kongbeanie> I don’t suppose there’s any point asking you to ignore that

hyulk> no point at all  
hyulk> it’s mine now  
hyulk> and i’m gonna read every last word

Kongbeanie> Please tell me there’s soju in the dorm

hyulk> why?

Kongbeanie> So I can drink myself unconscious and forget I let you talk me into this

hyulk> drama queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... any guesses as to what the first fic 'Hongbin' ever wrote might be?
> 
> Best guess gets a gifted ficlet from kongbeanie. :D


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> Why did I let you talk me into this  
> Kongbeanie> No one should see that story
> 
> hyulk> there there  
> hyulk> it’s not as bad as all that
> 
> Kongbeanie> Really?
> 
> hyulk> well ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BONUS CHAPTER, because I love you all so much and you leave such wonderful comments!
> 
> Winner of the 'What Was Hongbin's First' challenge is PercyintheTARDIS, who will receive a gifted ficlet tie-in to this story.

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> Come on  
Kongbeanie> Just put me out of my misery

hyulk> are you drunk?

Kongbeanie> Sadly no  
Kongbeanie> Not for lack of trying  
Kongbeanie> Just not enough alcohol around here

hyulk> shame you’re not a lightweight like taek

Kongbeanie> Right now I’d gladly swap metabolisms  
Kongbeanie> I don’t know what I was thinking  
Kongbeanie> I hate myself

hyulk> drunk enough to wallow in self-pity i see

Kongbeanie> Shut up  
Kongbeanie> Why did I let you talk me into this  
Kongbeanie> No one should see that story

hyulk> there there  
hyulk> it’s not as bad as all that

Kongbeanie> Really?

hyulk> well ...  
hyulk> i’ll just say this  
hyulk> yer a wizard, hongbin  
hyulk> _**ㅋㅋㅋ**_

Kongbeanie> Oh god I want to die

hyulk> seriously bean  
hyulk> harry potter??  
hyulk> whyyyy

Kongbeanie> Remember that stupid photoshoot we did?  
Kongbeanie> Everyone was dressed up like Harry Potter characters

hyulk> i remember  
hyulk> they made you wear the glasses  
hyulk> and the noonas were all dying from cute

hyulk> exhibit A 

_hyulk has shared HPbean.jpg_

[](https://ibb.co/c8wTVZM)

Kongbeanie> Please, that still makes me cringe  
Kongbeanie> Why do you even have that pic anyway?

hyulk> for blackmail of course  


hyulk> so that was your inspiration?

Kongbeanie> Partly  
Kongbeanie> Also everyone was doing it at the time  
Kongbeanie> I figured it couldn’t be that hard

hyulk> and yet

Kongbeanie> Shut up

hyulk> i have to ask  
hyulk> why did you make jae a slytherin  
hyulk> and not a hufflepuff  
hyulk> i mean the others were obvious

Kongbeanie> Even me?

hyulk> especially you  
hyulk> you’re the slytherin poster child

Kongbeanie> Thanks  
Kongbeanie> I think

hyulk> so why jae??  
hyulk> he’s too fluffy to be evil

Kongbeanie> You’d be surprised  
Kongbeanie> He’s got a devious mind

hyulk> hm not convinced

Kongbeanie> That’s fine, you have your opinion  
Kongbeanie> Just don’t come crying to me when you get caught up in his evil plots

hyulk> sure whatever  
hyulk> tell me something  
hyulk> did you make our CEO into the evil headmaster?  


Kongbeanie> Would I do something like that?

hyulk> CONFIRMED  
hyulk> gotta say, bean, serious risk right there  
hyulk> what if someone from management had seen it

Kongbeanie> Part of the fun  
Kongbeanie> Anyway the name’s completely different  
Kongbeanie> No one would recognise him

hyulk> i did

Kongbeanie> Yes but you were looking for that sort of thing  
Kongbeanie> And you’re way more perceptive than the average reader

hyulk> gosh there you go flattering me again

Kongbeanie> I take it back

hyulk> also you called the stupidest dragon kookie?  
hyulk> that was supposed to be jungkook wasn’t it

Kongbeanie> Possibly

hyulk> i knew it  
hyulk> what have you got against him anyway?

Kongbeanie> I might have been a bit annoyed that day

hyulk> wait  
hyulk> ohhhh that explains it

Kongbeanie> What does?

hyulk> i checked the date at the end of the story  
hyulk> that was when he was beating the pants off you at overwatch

Kongbeanie> Hey I’d only just started playing  
Kongbeanie> He had way more hours than me

hyulk> don’t get your topknot in a twist hanzo  
hyulk> it’s okay i understand  
hyulk> you were a baby  
hyulk> still funny though

Kongbeanie> Are you finished laughing at me yet?  


hyulk> i haven’t even STARTED with this story

Kongbeanie> I’m leaving the country

hyulk> you know i can still get to you  
hyulk> no matter where you go  
hyulk> welcome to the internet, partner

Kongbeanie> I should have taken Wonshik up on his offer

hyulk> what offer?

Kongbeanie> Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, the members were Sorted into:
> 
> Hakyeon - Hufflepuff  
> Taekwoon - Ravenclaw  
> Jaehwan - Slytherin  
> Wonshik - Hufflepuff  
> Hongbin - Slytherin  
> Hyuk - Gryffindor
> 
> Jungkook is, of course, the maknae from BTS, who Hongbin once described as being a really good Overwatch player.
> 
> Hanzo is the character Hongbin plays most often in Overwatch (he's rated number 7 in the world with it).


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> guess what iiiii found
> 
> Kongbeanie> I have no idea  
> hyulk> www.bandfics.com/slythervixx/works/the_bewitched_dragon  
> hyulk> surprise

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> how’s the super-ultra-top-secret classified project coming?  
hyulk> or are you still too busy writing call girl porn?

Kongbeanie> So little faith in me  
Kongbeanie> I’m insulted

hyulk> so you are too busy

Kongbeanie> HEY  
Kongbeanie> I’m working on it, okay?

hyulk> well i don’t know, bean  
hyulk> i’ve only got your word for that  
hyulk> i mean where’s the proof

Kongbeanie> Hey I am knee deep in this really difficult  
Kongbeanie> Wait  
Kongbeanie> Oh that was SNEAKY

hyulk> nearly worked too  
hyulk> i’m wearing you down  
hyulk> i’ll find out sooner or later so you might as well tell me

Kongbeanie> Not a chance  
Kongbeanie> I’m wise to your methods now

hyulk> you think?  
hyulk> i have way more tricks than that up my sleeve

Kongbeanie> And they’ll all fail

hyulk> oh really  
hyulk> challenge DEFINITELY accepted  
hyulk> you have no idea what you’ve unleashed

Kongbeanie> Keep telling yourself that

hyulk> you’ll never see me coming

*****

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> guess what iiiii found

Kongbeanie> Oh no, that's how this whole mess started

hyulk> go on  
hyulk> you know you want to

Kongbeanie> I have no idea  
Kongbeanie> A new treasure trove of Naruto porn?

hyulk> try again

Kongbeanie> An off switch for Jae?

hyulk> even better

Kongbeanie> NOTHING would be better than that  
Kongbeanie> Unless you found some way of making us invisible so we can sneak past eomma and get out of ‘family time’

hyulk> no but funny you should mention invisibility

Kongbeanie> I give up  
Kongbeanie> Wait  
Kongbeanie> Oh no  
Kongbeanie> You didn't

hyulk> www.bandfics.com/slythervixx/works/the_bewitched_dragon  
hyulk> surprise

Kongbeanie> HOW???

hyulk> once on the net, always on the net

Kongbeanie> But I took it down  
Kongbeanie> I deactivated the account

hyulk> guess someone decided to reactivate it

Kongbeanie> I WILL MURDER YOU

hyulk> hey it wasn't me

Kongbeanie> IN YOUR SLEEP

hyulk> i didn't do it!!

Kongbeanie> Then how did you find it?

hyulk> with my amazing detective abilities of course  
hyulk> plus there aren’t too many crossovers of harry potter with us  
hyulk> once i found those it was just a matter of spotting the title  
hyulk> they didn’t even bother changing it  


hyulk> easy really

Kongbeanie> I can’t believe someone would just poach my account  
Kongbeanie> Especially for crap like this

hyulk> actually

Kongbeanie> So you did do it after all

hyulk> NO I DIDN’T  
hyulk> i wouldn’t do something like that to you

Kongbeanie> Hmm

hyulk> oh okay then  
hyulk> FINE don’t believe me  
hyulk> just go read the comments you might be surprised

Kongbeanie> Wait

_hyulk is offline_

Kongbeanie> Dammit


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> I want revenge  
> Kongbeanie> Whoever they are, they shouldn’t get compliments for MY stuff

_Kongbeanie is online_

Kongbeanie> Come on  
Kongbeanie> I’m sorry okay?  
Kongbeanie> I freaked out

_hyulk is online_

hyulk> you always think the worst of me  
hyulk> it gets tiring

Kongbeanie> I said I was sorry

hyulk> well

Kongbeanie> Want to help me plot some revenge?

hyulk> well

Kongbeanie> You’re good at this sort of stuff

hyulk> since you ask so nicely  
hyulk> what did you have in mind?

Kongbeanie> I’ve been reading the comments on that old story that got poached  
Kongbeanie> People actually LIKED it

hyulk> yeah must be a harry potter thing  
hyulk> no accounting for taste

Kongbeanie> HEY

hyulk> you hated that story  
hyulk> don’t tell me your head’s been turned by a few nice comments

Kongbeanie> Yeah, but …  
Kongbeanie> ANYWAY  
Kongbeanie> I want revenge  
Kongbeanie> Whoever they are, they shouldn’t get compliments for MY stuff

hyulk> so touchy  
hyulk> it’s cute really

Kongbeanie> Are you going to help or not?

hyulk> you haven’t said what you want to do  
hyulk> i need to see if it’s worth my time

Kongbeanie> Wow  
Kongbeanie> Pardon me, your highness

hyulk> now you’re getting it

Kongbeanie> Okay forget I asked

hyulk> i’m just messing with you  
hyulk> of course i’ll help  
hyulk> what’s your evil plan?

Kongbeanie> Well, I can’t just try to claim the account back  
Kongbeanie> It’s not like I can prove it’s mine unless I out myself

hyulk> REALLY

Kongbeanie> You know what I mean!

hyulk> _**ㅋㅋㅋ**_

Kongbeanie> So I want to start a campaign  
Kongbeanie> Get a bunch of comments from different fake users going on the story  
Kongbeanie> Talk about how that person stole it

hyulk> could work  
hyuk> we should hit the forums too, get some threads going  
hyulk> but they’ll get suspicious if a whole lot of new accounts turn up

Kongbeanie> Way ahead of you there  
Kongbeanie> We can use some of the accounts I have for reading and commenting

_Kongbeanie has shared mischief_managed.docx_

hyulk> wow  
hyulk> so many

hyulk> these aren’t ones you write under?

Kongbeanie> Nope, those passwords stay with me  
Kongbeanie> I’m trusting you here  
Kongbeanie> Don’t make me regret it

hyulk> don’t worry i have my own accounts as well

Kongbeanie> you have more than one?

hyulk> sure  
hyulk> way more than just the couple i subscribe to your stuff with

Kongbeanie> Now I’m worried

hyulk> why? 

Kongbeanie> You could be anyone

hyulk> you are so paranoid  
hyulk> i only use most of those for commenting on other people’s work  
hyulk> i’ve told you the ones i use on yours

Kongbeanie> hmm  
Kongbeanie> okay

hyulk> you’re never gonna trust me again are you?

Kongbeanie> No really it’s okay  
Kongbeanie> I just get twitchy  
Kongbeanie> I shared my passwords with you didn’t I?

hyulk> true  
hyulk> okay so what’s the plan?

Kongbeanie> We say things about seeing it elsewhere  
Kongbeanie> Or knowing the author personally  
Kongbeanie> Stuff like that

hyulk> personally, huh?  
hyulk> this gives me evil ideas

Kongbeanie> What are you going to do?

hyulk> better if you don’t know  
hyulk> then you don’t have to pretend to be surprised

Kongbeanie> Wait I’ve changed my mind

hyulk> bye now

Kongbeanie> Crap


	27. Omake: all about The Bewitched Dragon and THOSE comments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a silly little omake all about the first fic Hongbin ever wrote ... because my readers asked me so nicely. And repeatedly. :D
> 
> Love you all ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all awful, awful people, and I love you (I'm looking at _you_ , **selvadja** and **litloks**. So here it is ... a summary of the plot of Hongbin's first ever fic, _The Bewitched Dragon_ ... and a sample of the many, many comments.
> 
> Oceans of love to vixxbitch, my very own partner in crime (and real-life inspiration for hyulk) - many of these comments are hers. Also the usernames griffyndork, umactually, mypatronusisasloth, pawnfiend420, and superwholocklover. In fact, this whole chapter is her fault, because she hounded me until I gave in. See what I mean? My very own hyulk.
> 
> Special thanks to the following for some very bad usernames:
> 
> GabrielsShadow for VoldemortismyPatronus and TheHippestofGriffs
> 
> Bramblethorn for wibblywobblywand and TheChosenOneIsPikachu
> 
> Halloranelder for AcciomyPants and HarryismyDoctor
> 
> and TheManWithTheTatteredSmile for middnytejezzabelle
> 
> And _no_ , vixxbitch ... I will not be writing this story. EVER.

[](https://ibb.co/nzFgNQ9)

Plot: At first there’s a lot of rivalry between the fifth-year members on exchange from Maboebsa College, because they’re in different Houses. Hakeyon and Wonshik hang out together in Hufflepuff, bonding over a mutual love of good food. Jaehwan and Hongbin are cautious allies in Slytherin and look down their noses at the others (even though Hongbin teases Jaehwan about the size of his nose all the time and constantly offers to magically ‘fix’ it - which Jae refuses because Hongbin is _terrible_ at Transfiguration). 

The competition for the House Cup is close - only 20 points separate the Houses, and there’s less than two weeks before the school year ends. Currently Hufflepuff leads, though no one can figure out how that could possibly happen, because they’re _terrible_ at Quidditch this year and there was that time when one of their third years accidentally blew up the Potions classroom by adding Essence of Murtlap rather than Tincture of Wrackspurt to their cauldron. Ravenclaw even demanded a recount, because they were sure someone had accidentally carried a ‘1’ somewhere. However it happened, none of the other three Houses are willing to stand for this, so they’re all determined to do everything possible to snatch the Cup from the hands of Hufflepuff.

And then … _gasp_ … the House Cup disappears! One morning when everyone comes down for breakfast, it’s gone! No one knows how, but everyone has a theory as to who might have done it. Hufflepuff blames everyone else, Gryffindor blames Slytherin, Ravenclaw blames Gryffindor for playing a prank, and Slytherin blames _Hufflepuff_ (which is a little hard to understand until Jaehwan patiently explains that obviously Hufflepuff did it deliberately because they knew they were going to lose). The accusations fly and there’s more than one ‘accidental’ injury in duelling class.

Finally Taekwoon determines that there’s a real mystery here, and realises that it’s going to take the combined efforts of all four Houses to find the Cup. With the help of Philomela Frobisher, a fellow Ravenclaw, he recruits the members and forms a team of investigators. Annoyingly, Constance Atkins (referred to as ‘that Mudblood’ whenever Jaehwan and Hongbin are talking about her) insists on tagging along with her ‘darling Hyukkie-wookie’.

Wacky hijinks ensue as the intrepid investigators discover that the Cup was actually carried off by a dragon! A _very small_ dragon, of course - it had to be, to fit inside the castle … but was it acting alone, or … could it be … on someone’s orders?? Hakyeon remembers that in Care of Magical Creatures class this year, they learned that someone had modified full-size dragons to produce tiny offspring that could be kept as house pets. Wonshik reminds him that the dragon breeding farm went out of business after people who bought dragons complained that they kept setting fire to their drapes … but it’s their best lead, and so they decide to pursue it.

Hyuk leads the expedition to sneak into the disused dragon farm where they discover that in fact it’s under a strong illusion and is still in business - run by none other than the Hogwarts Headmaster, Xanthous Tridapper, and he’s training the dragons to become thieves! As the investigators listen in they realise that the Headmaster is scolding one of the dragons, who he calls ‘Kookie’, for being stupid and stealing the House Cup - which is sitting on the shelf just over there! ‘But it was _so shiny_ ,’ wails the little dragon.

The Headmaster tells the dragon he will be allowed to live, because he is enjoying the chaos and it will fit in with his master plan to bring down Hogwarts, where he was bullied terribly as a young student and failed his OWLs as a result.

The investigators rush in and confront him! A magical battle ensues! Hyuk makes a brave showing but then the Headmaster hurls an Unforgivable Curse at him - and Constance throws herself in the path of the spell and sacrifices herself for her beloved! As Hyuk cradles the dying Constance in his arms, Jaehwan and Hongbin manage to disarm and bind the Headmaster, and Taekwoon sternly tells him, ‘You will go to Azkaban for this un-Wizardly act!’

The dragons are all miserable in their captivity, but they cheer when the Headmaster is defeated. Wonshik is horrified by their pitiful state and begs the investigators to help him rescue them and set them free. The dragons, however, are so grateful they decide to stay with the investigators. They introduce themselves and each one becomes a special companion. Joonie, the biggest, chooses Hyuk, because he is fierce even though he’s so short. Minnie, who is pretty and graceful, bonds with Philomela, and Ginnie, who wears special glasses to help her read human newspapers, goes with Taekwoon. Gongie, the cutest, adopts Hongbin, and Kibbie, who is shifty-eyed, stays with Jaehwan. Jackson, after sizing up all the investigators, informs Hakyeon he will be taking care of him. Finally, Wonshik decides that Kookie had better stay with him, and hopefully learn not to take shiny things that don’t belong to him.

The investigators take the Headmaster, the House Cup, and the dragons back to Hogwarts and everyone celebrates! The rest of the teachers are so grateful that they don’t punish the investigators for being out of bounds without permission, and even let them keep the dragons (as long as they clean up after them, of course)! Everyone is thrilled and a party is organised - but then the Acting Headmistress, Charms Professor Evangeline Brimlow, announces that to acknowledge the outstanding inter-House cooperation of the investigators, the Cup will be awarded to … _all the Houses_!

Instantly, arguments and fights break out as everyone claims the cup for their own House. The investigators stand aghast, futilely trying to calm things down until (of all people) Jaehwan tells them he has a secret stash of Butterbeer in the Room of Requirement. With the aid of a hasty Invisibility spell, they sneak away with their dragons to toast their success and have a drink in memory of the valiant Constance.

‘I hope we can all be friends next year,’ says Hakyeon wistfully. Hongbin and Jaehwan just look at each other, and laugh. 

‘Don’t drink from the same bottle I gave them,’ mutters Jaehwan to Hongbin. ‘It’s laced with Giggle Water.’ The two of them laugh evilly and pour their own drinks as the rest start to giggle uncontrollably.

‘You know what?’ says Hongbin. ‘I don’t really think your nose is awful.’ They laugh and clink their cups together and settle back to watch the fun.

*****

Comment from **gryffindork** : I love this!! But I feel so sorry for poor Kookie, how dare the Headmaster be so mean to him?!

Comment from **NearlyBrainlessNick** : XD XD XD this is so cracked

Comment from **Pandora_Hearteyes** : I read this in one sitting, I just want to say how good it was! I wanted to leave a comment on every chapter but I couldn’t stop reading. Kudos to you, writer!

Comment from **byeolbitbby** : you are SO WRONG ABOUT MY BABY KEN … he’s a Hufflepuff

Reply to **byeolbitbby** from **TheChosenOneIsPikachu** : No way he’s totally a Gryffindor

Reply to **TheChosenOneisPikachu** from **Slytherininthesheets** : You’re both wrong, the writer got it right. Ken is definitely the most evil, no one acts that cute unless they’re plotting something.

Comment from **pinkeu_pinkeu_Leo** : This is so good, when are you going to write more? Please write more!

Reply to **pinkeu_pinkeu_Leo** from **PinkBeanie** : i second that! 

Reply to **pinkeu_pinkeu_Leo** from **wibblywobblywand** : I third it!

Comment from **LusciousLucius** : Wow, where do I start? This is the _worst_ HP crossover I’ve ever read. And your take on the members is way way _way_ off. Totally unbelievable.

Reply to **LusciousLucius** from **StarryStarryStarlight** : are you joking?!?! She wrote them perfectly. Especially Kongnim, <3 <3 <3\. Obv you know nothing about VIXX.

Reply to **StarryStarryStarlight** from **LusciousLucius** : ‘Obv’ you are a sad fangirl who is too dumb to know bad writing when she sees it.

Reply to **LusciousLucius** from **PinkBeanie** : stop being a rude troll and go away, this fic is awesome and I’m totally going to rec it to all my friends

Comment from **lovelylunmione** : OMG CONSTANCE NOOOOO! i normally hate OCs but i <3 her!

Reply to **lovelylunmione** from **umactually** : *rolling eyes* She was the most blatant Mary Sue I’ve ever _seen_.

Reply to **umactually** from **lovelylunmione** : mary sue?? why don’t you just say ‘i don’t think women can be capable and interesting in fic?’ misogynist!

Reply to **lovelylunmione** from **TheHippestofGriffs** : Hate to say it but she really was a Mary Sue. Come on she even had special powers (™) that no one else had. 

Reply to **TheHippestofGriffs** from **lovelylunmione** : you mean like HARRY POTTER DID? lollll

Comment from **VoldemortismyPatronus** : Don’t fight, kids ...

Comment from **mypatronusisasloth** : Jung Taekwoon - future auror? BUDDY COP SEQUEL PLS where Daeguni is an auror and his partner is a DRAGON

Reply to **mypatronusisasloth** from **angstangstbaby** : i ship it. XD

Comment from **ssslytherin** : bean and ken are my new slytherin otp :o

Comment from **HuffPuffLover** : Can’t believe it was the Headmaster! I was so sure it would be the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher because it always is! Such a clever twist.

Comment from **Taekmyheart** : Taekwoon can imprison me in Azkaban annnny tiiiime he liiiiikes. :heart_eyes:

Comment from **AccioMyPants** : PLEASE WRITE MORE PLEASE WRITE MORE PLEASE WRITE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE 

Comment from **kenyonce406** : I loved this. The only thing I’d change is the bit about Jaehwan’s nose. He has a lovely nose! So mean. :-| Can you edit it to take that bit out? It ruins an otherwise great story.

Comment from **kenyonce406** : And he’s so not a slytherin! He’s sweet and kind and totally a hufflepuff! I get why you made him a slytherin but I don’t think it’s right.

Comment from **pawnfiend420** : grate story but wheres the fucking

Reply to **pawnfiend420** from **TheBiggestWand** : Agreed! I thought Jaehwan and Hongbin were gonna hook up right at the end there, disappointed!

Reply to **TheBiggestWand** from **AccioMyPants** : SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL

Comment from **superwholocklover** : Ummm… How are they all in fifth year? Not very realistic.

Reply to **superwholocklover** from **unicorninacan** : OMG what a nitpick, it’s called poetic license

Reply to **unicorninacan** from **MyHeroDobby** : Love your username!

Comment from **middnytejezzabelle** : cool story but ur names kinda suck … like prety boring, wizards have rly long names … have u read ‘my imortal’, thats got the BEST names???!!!! -- Indigo Midnyte Jezzabelle Draca Purdy

Reply to **middnytejezzabelle** from **piningforthefnords** : _Please_ tell me you’re joking. 

Reply to **piningforthefnords** from **middnytejezzabelle** : no rly u shld read it lemme link u

\-- Idnigo Middnyte Jezzabell Draca Purdy

Reply to **middnytejezzabelle** from **piningforthefnords** : Dear god, how stupid _are_ you JIZZABALL? Do you not realise a put-down when you read one?

Reply to **piningforthefnords** from **middnytejezzabelle** : y u so rude 2 me?!?!!!! just tyring 2 help, u shld apol -- Indigo Middnytte Jezabelle Darca Purdy

Reply to **middnytejezzabelle** from **piningforthefnords** : Oh, Indigo fuck yourself.

Comment from **HarryismyDoctor** : I wish Constance hadn’t died. You should definitely write an AU where she marries Hyuk, like the epilogue in the Deathly Hallows.

Reply to **HarryismyDoctor** from **AccioMyPants** : YES WRITE THIS PLEASE

Reply to **HarryismyDoctor** from **vixxbitch** : FUCK THE PIECE OF SHIT EPILOGUE FROM DEATHLY HALLOWS

Reply to **vixxbitch** from **NobodyButUsChickens** : Epilogue What Epilogue looolllll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Headmaster's name, Xanthous Tridapper, is a bastardised quasi-translation of the CEO's name run through Google Translate and thesaurus.com. (Actually, I quite like the name, it's suitably Potter-ish.)
> 
> And the dragons?
> 
> Joonie - Kim Namjoon (Rap Monster), BTS  
> Minnie - Lee Taemin, SHINee  
> Ginnie - Kim Jongin (Kai), EXO  
> Gongie - Gong Chansik, Gongchan, B1A4  
> Kibbie - Kim Kibum, Super Junior  
> Jackson - Jackson Wang, GOT7  
> Kookie - Jeon Jungkook, BTS


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????
> 
> hyulk> oh stop shouting  
>  hyulk> it was a good strategy
> 
> Kongbeanie> But 
> 
> hyulk> it worked didn’t it?
> 
> Kongbeanie> That’s one way of putting it

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> BOYFRIEND?  
Kongbeanie> YOU SAID YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND?

hyulk> hiiiiiii  
hyulk> _**ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ**_

Kongbeanie> WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????

hyulk> oh stop shouting  
hyulk> it was a good strategy

Kongbeanie> But 

hyulk> it worked didn’t it?

Kongbeanie> That’s one way of putting it

hyulk> look at how many other users jumped on it 

hyulk> you have loyal fans  
hyulk> you know a whole bunch of them started hassling the moderators right?  
hyulk> trying to get the person who stole your account kicked

Kongbeanie> After you told them I was devastated and depressed about it  
Kongbeanie> Seriously, you told them I cried??

hyulk> why not  
hyulk> from the looks of it half of them think you’re a teenaged girl  
hyulk> nobody likes someone who makes a girl cry

Kongbeanie> That was so embarrassing to read

hyulk> oh you loved it  
hyulk> all those people sending hugs and pats and shit to you

Kongbeanie> Excuse me, NOT Jae

hyulk> anyway  
hyulk> you have to admit it’s working  
hyulk> the thing’s got momentum now

Kongbeanie> Yeah  
Kongbeanie> You’re surprisingly good at this  


hyulk> satan, remember?

Kongbeanie> Not causing trouble  
Kongbeanie> Pretending to be different people  
Kongbeanie> You even write differently

hyulk> i didn’t want to half-ass it  
hyulk> even if you hate the story it’s still yours

Kongbeanie> Thanks  
Kongbeanie> I really appreciate the help

hyulk> you know what you need to do now

Kongbeanie> Oh god  
Kongbeanie> What?

hyulk> create a new account and identify yourself as slythervixx  
hyulk> the REAL slythervixx  
hyulk> relaunch your career

Kongbeanie> I don’t know about that

hyulk> cmon you already have a fanbase

Kongbeanie> But then I’d have to write something new

hyulk> oh that’s easy  
hyulk> write the sequel

Kongbeanie> Sequel

hyulk> yeah bewitched dragon 2  
hyulk> or whatever  
hyulk> the story you were ‘working on’ when your account was stolen  
hyulk> your readers will eat that shit UP  
hyulk> look at the comments on the story  
hyulk> they were begging for it

Kongbeanie> That … could actually work

hyulk> or maybe that thing one of those commenters suggested  
hyulk> about taek becoming an auror with the dude from exo as a sidekick

Kongbeanie> I knew you’d figure out who all the dragons were  
Kongbeanie> You’re quick on the uptake

hyulk> see you do love me

Kongbeanie> FFS

hyulk> and so you should  
hyulk> after i strapped on my armour and defended my girlfriend’s honour

Kongbeanie> WILL you stop that??

hyulk> poor damsel in distress  
hyulk> don’t worry i’ll always save you

Kongbeanie> Can you just NOT  
Kongbeanie> You really think I should go for it?  
Kongbeanie> Show up with a new story?

hyulk> you’re not really asking that are you  
hyulk> just DO IT, i guarantee you won’t regret it

Kongbeanie> Somehow that doesn’t reassure me  
Kongbeanie> I regret most things you talk me into

hyulk> ah you don’t mean that

Kongbeanie> I really really do

hyulk> of course you’d have to do the harry potter thing again  
hyulk> but you’ve done worse

Kongbeanie> Excuse you?

hyulk> _eyeroll_  
hyulk> you know what i mean

Kongbeanie> I am constantly astounded at the depths of your devious mind

hyulk> don’t worry i’m using my powers for good this time

Kongbeanie> Then I guess it’s okay

hyulk> of course i am going to want something in return

Kongbeanie> Oh I fucking knew it  
Kongbeanie> All right, what do you want this time?

hyulk> actually

Kongbeanie> NOT MY SECRET PROJECT

hyulk> damn  
hyulk> not even a little peek?

Kongbeanie> NO

hyulk> hm  
hyulk> in the case i’ll let you know

Kongbeanie> You’re going to hold this over me forever aren’t you?

hyulk> would i do that?

Kongbeanie> Not even going to dignify that with an answer

hyulk> you just did


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> Not stuck for words, are you?
> 
> hyulk> …
> 
> Kongbeanie> Brb, making a note of the date to immortalise this moment
> 
> hyulk> i really don’t know what to say
> 
> Kongbeanie> Music to my ears  
> 

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

hyulk> nope  
hyulk> i can’t  
hyulk> i just  
hyulk> FUCK

Kongbeanie> Happy Day 17

hyulk> bean how could you?!

Kongbeanie> You wanted plot in your smut

hyulk> I DIDN'T WANT THIS!!

Kongbeanie> Remind me again when I said I was going to cater to your every whim  
Kongbeanie> Oh wait that's right  
Kongbeanie> Never

hyulk> the fans are gonna kill you  
hyulk> seriously  
hyulk> you are dicing with death here  
hyulk> what POSSESSED you??

Kongbeanie> I warned you there would be buckets of angst  
Kongbeanie> Just didn’t tell you it would be this kind

hyulk> this is not angst  
hyulk> this is … i don't know what this is

Kongbeanie> Not stuck for words, are you?

hyulk> …

Kongbeanie> Brb, making a note of the date to immortalise this moment

hyulk> i really don’t know what to say

Kongbeanie> Music to my ears  
Kongbeanie> Best trick I've pulled on the readers yet  
Kongbeanie> Switching up usernames on that story

hyulk> i don't believe it

Kongbeanie> No that's exactly what I did  
Kongbeanie> Fooled the readers into thinking it was a completely different story  
Kongbeanie> Then SURPRISE, it was the lovebirds all along

hyulk> yeah i got that, you made everyone think it was a different hakyeon  
hyulk> when it was the same one from your epic romance  
hyulk> i mean i don't believe hakyeon would do that  
hyulk> no matter how heartbroken he was

Kongbeanie> You said it yourself  
Kongbeanie> Taekwoon was always going to cheat again  
Kongbeanie> And you were right  
Kongbeanie> All those protests and promises but there he was on tour again with Wonshik

hyulk> and hakyeon never suspected  
hyulk> until shik TOLD him

Kongbeanie> Sadly yes  
Kongbeanie> I almost felt sorry for Hakyeon, writing that bit

hyulk> YOU LIE

Kongbeanie> I said, almost

hyulk> so this is revenge?  
hyulk> hakyeon went out and became a call girl just to make taek feel bad?

Kongbeanie> Now you’re just being insulting  
Kongbeanie> It's way more angsty than that  
Kongbeanie> But you'll have to wait until Day 21 to find out

hyulk> not sure i want to keep reading now

Kongbeanie> Don't say that

hyulk> i'm serious  
hyulk> this is the worst thing you've ever done

Kongbeanie> WHAT

hyulk> i don't mean the writing  
hyulk> that's really good like always  
hyulk> it's the idea  
hyulk> it's horrible

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> Please keep reading  
Kongbeanie> I promise it'll be worth it

hyulk> i don't know

Kongbeanie> Please?  
Kongbeanie> Trust me?

hyulk> well

Kongbeanie> Hyukkie please

hyulk> okay  
hyulk> you get ONE CHANCE

Kongbeanie> You won't be disappointed  
Kongbeanie> I promise

hyulk> i better not be

Kongbeanie> When have I ever lied to you?

hyulk> well  
hyulk> you still won’t tell me the truth about the mega-classified extra-secret-sauce project

Kongbeanie> That’s not lying  
Kongbeanie> That’s just torture

hyulk> so you admit you’re torturing me

Kongbeanie> Of course I am  
Kongbeanie> And I’m enjoying every minute of your suffering

hyulk> are you ever going to tell me?

Kongbeanie> We’ll see

hyulk> oh COME ON


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> you’re so cruel
> 
> Kongbeanie> Oh don’t pretend that’s a surprise  
> Kongbeanie> You knew that when you signed on for this
> 
> hyulk> i’m supposed to be the exception!
> 
> Kongbeanie> Nope don’t remember getting that memo

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> uh … what’s this you sent me?  
hyulk> www.bandfics.com/collaborations/HydeNShik-/beautiful-killer  
hyulk> ‘coming soon’??

Kongbeanie> Something new  
Kongbeanie> Trying out working with a co-writer

hyulk> CO-WRITER?  
hyulk> you’ve thrown me over for someone else??  
hyulk> my poor abused heart  


Kongbeanie> Don’t be ridiculous

hyulk> you’re so cruel

Kongbeanie> Oh don’t pretend that’s a surprise  
Kongbeanie> You knew that when you signed on for this

hyulk> i’m supposed to be the exception!

Kongbeanie> Nope don’t remember getting that memo

hyulk> _sob_

Kongbeanie> Stop that  
Kongbeanie> You know I’m not really doing this to be cruel to you

hyulk> you DO care  
hyulk> i knew it

Kongbeanie> …

hyulk> so who is this person anyway?  
hyulk> your new partner in crime?

Kongbeanie> Really?? COME ON  
Kongbeanie> I have no idea who they are  
Kongbeanie> It’s another challenge thing  
Kongbeanie> Everyone picks new pseudonyms and pairs up  
Kongbeanie> And we see what happens

hyulk> how many did you put in?  
hyulk> because it would be hilarious if you ended up paired with yourself

Kongbeanie> Just the one  
Kongbeanie> And there aren’t that many people who nominated to pair with me anyway

hyulk> from the title you’re going dark again so it’s probably your choice of subject matter

Kongbeanie> It was worth a shot

hyulk> guess you got lucky then  
hyulk> because let’s face it no one is as fucked up as you are

Kongbeanie> I’ll take that as a compliment  
Kongbeanie> Anyway you’ve seen some of the weird shit they write about us

hyulk> i’ve seen the weird shit YOU write about us

Kongbeanie> I have an unfair advantage  
Kongbeanie> The benefit of direct experience of you  
Kongbeanie> But this co-writer is really good  
Kongbeanie> Slightly weird style of writing but really gets the characters

hyulk> careful you’ll make me jealous again  
hyulk> i see how it is  
hyulk> you’ll start spending all your time with them  
hyulk> no time for poor faithful hyukkie

Kongbeanie> FFS  
Kongbeanie> You have nothing to worry about

hyulk> i’ll just pine away and die here at my keyboard  
hyulk> and then you’ll be sorry

Kongbeanie> Now you’re just being ridiculous

hyulk> i’m sorry i can’t hear you  
hyulk> i’m dying of heartbreak here

Kongbeanie> STOP THAT

hyulk> tell jae he can have my naruto porn collection when i go  
hyulk> and tell taek i changed his passwords again to HAMSTERLUVSSHIKKIE  
hyulk> wear something nice for my funeral

Kongbeanie> Fine I’ll just leave you to die in peace then  
Kongbeanie> But seriously you have nothing to worry about  
Kongbeanie> It’s just one project

hyulk> promise?

Kongbeanie> YOU’RE my partner in crime  
Kongbeanie> How many times do I have to tell you?

hyulk> well that’s all right then  
hyulk> i feel better already

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> I walked right into that didn’t I?

hyulk> _blows_kiss_


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> yes yes we all know you have a heart of stone  
> hyulk> you’re not fooling me  
> hyulk> you couldn’t write this stuff if you weren’t a secret romantic
> 
> Kongbeanie> Take that back

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> omg

Kongbeanie> Hmm?

hyulk> OMG

Kongbeanie> What?

hyulk> HOLY CRAP

Kongbeanie> WHAT, dammit

hyulk> I can’t believe what just happened

Kongbeanie> Have you been watching the news again?  


Kongbeanie> I told you not to do that

hyulk> that’s not what i’m talking about

Kongbeanie> Then what?  
Kongbeanie> It must be drastic for you to get so worked up  
Kongbeanie> Don’t tell me … Wonshik has decided to become a monk and shaved his head

hyulk> don’t be ridiculous  
hyulk> it’s MUCH WORSE than that

Kongbeanie> You have to room with Jae again?

hyulk> NO  
hyulk> although that would be awful

Kongbeanie> If you’re not going to tell me I’m logging off

hyulk> you’ve forgotten what day it is

Kongbeanie> Thursday?

hyulk> DAY 21

Kongbeanie> Oh  
Kongbeanie> You’re welcome

hyulk> i suppose it was inevitable really  
hyulk> after that horrible reveal  
hyulk> but  
hyulk> BUT

Kongbeanie> You sound all worked up

hyulk> of course i am!  
hyulk> i was not prepared  
hyulk> not for TAEK

Kongbeanie> Told you it was true love

hyulk> when hakyeon turned up ready for his client and it was TAEK  
hyulk> who tracked him down using a private detective  
hyulk> wait was that detective …

Kongbeanie> Jae? Certainly was  
Kongbeanie> Trenchcoat and hat and all

hyulk> for a minute i thought it was me  
hyulk> but he was way too short

Kongbeanie> Can’t use you for everything

hyulk> so you admit you’re just using me

Kongbeanie> FFS

hyulk> i thought hakyeon was gonna die  
hyulk> i thought I was gonna die

Kongbeanie> Should I call an ambulance?

hyulk> that was one of the most awkward arguments ever  
hyulk> poor hakyeon  
hyulk> poor taek  
hyulk> i hate you

Kongbeanie> Told you there was more to Hakyeon’s decision to do sex work

hyulk> he thought he wasn’t good enough for taek  
hyulk> TAEK  
hyulk> who cheated on him  
hyulk> TWICE

Kongbeanie> Sad isn’t it  
Kongbeanie> He thought it was because he was boring  
Kongbeanie> Because he didn’t satisfy Taekwoon

hyulk> yeah but he goes into sex work???  
hyulk> to what, get experience?  
hyulk> not the greatest idea in the world

Kongbeanie> I never said it was a good idea

hyulk> and then taek got all judgmental  
hyulk> i wanted to smack him

Kongbeanie> If you’re going to do that get Wonshik to take pics

hyulk> so is this it?  
hyulk> is this the end?

Kongbeanie> Not even close

hyulk> but after what taek said …

Kongbeanie> Have faith my child  
Kongbeanie> It’s not gonna be easy  
Kongbeanie> Taekwoon has to get over himself  
Kongbeanie> Maybe then Hakyeon will forgive him

hyulk> i wouldn’t if i was hakyeon

Kongbeanie> But we do stupid things for love  
Kongbeanie> At least they do

hyulk> yes yes we all know you have a heart of stone  
hyulk> you’re not fooling me  
hyulk> you couldn’t write this stuff if you weren’t a secret romantic

Kongbeanie> Take that back

hyulk> you love it

Kongbeanie> Please if I saw that really happening I’d throw water on them  
Kongbeanie> I’m just being a good author

hyulk> nope don’t believe you  
hyulk> all those hearts and flowers and soulful gazes  
hyulk> your secret is out  
hyulk> you’re totally soft

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> Hearts and flowers you say?  
Kongbeanie> Hmm

hyulk> what?

Kongbeanie> THANK YOU

hyulk> you admit it???

hyulk> wait while i alert the media

Kongbeanie> Not that  
Kongbeanie> You just gave me an idea  
Kongbeanie> A really really evil idea  
Kongbeanie> So thank you

hyulk> wait what did i do??

Kongbeanie> You’ll find out  
Kongbeanie> I’ll even dedicate it to you  
Kongbeanie> Credit you for the inspiration

hyulk> suddenly i’m scared

Kongbeanie> Best partner ever

hyulk> ohshit


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> i said oh sure he’ll come back to me  
> hyulk> things will be like they were  
> hyulk> _sob_  
>  hyulk> i was so wrong
> 
> Kongbeanie> Have you been watching soap operas again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of love all you wonderful readers are showing this silly thing is amazing. I'm so grateful to all of you.
> 
> Speaking of silly, the third spin-off story from this one, [Deliciously Doomed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18754819), has manifested itself in my strange little brain. If anything, it is even more ridiculous than its parent, so I hope you like it!

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> i knew it

Kongbeanie> What?

hyulk> i tried to tell myself i was wrong  
hyulk> that it was just a fling

Kongbeanie> What the hell?

hyulk> i said oh sure he’ll come back to me  
hyulk> things will be like they were

Kongbeanie> Have you been watching soap operas again?

hyulk> _sob_  
hyulk> i was so wrong

Kongbeanie> Seriously, what the fuck are you going on about now?

hyulk> i suppose i can understand it  
hyulk> the lure of something new  
hyulk> the thrill of the forbidden  
hyulk> it’s just  
hyulk> the SILENCE  
hyulk> … no i can’t go on  


Kongbeanie> You have FIVE seconds to tell me what’s up or I’m out of here

hyulk> you don’t know?

Kongbeanie> 5 … 4 … 3

hyulk> you’ve deserted me!

Kongbeanie> Don’t be ridiculous  
Kongbeanie> Of course I haven’t

hyulk> you have  
hyulk> it’s been weeks

Kongbeanie> I’ve just been busy

hyulk> oh i know  
hyulk> you spend all your time with your new friend now  
hyulk> that co-writer

Kongbeanie> You mean jekyll???  
Kongbeanie> You’re way off base

hyulk> come on i hear you typing away all the time  
hyulk> but there’s nothing new online  
hyulk> so unless you’re doing another weirdass epic  
hyulk> you’re with THEM

Kongbeanie> Like I said I’ve been busy  
Kongbeanie> wait  
Kongbeanie> Are you actually jealous??

hyulk> of course not

Kongbeanie> You ARE  
Kongbeanie> You’re jealous

hyuylk> ...  
hyulk> i’m only thinking of your reputation  
hyulk> fans are fickle you know  
hyulk> you stop posting stories and they’ll forget all about you

Kongbeanie> Sure, that’s it  
Kongbeanie> Not that you feel threatened or anything

hyulk> i told you this would happen  
hyulk> you only have time for this now  
hyulk> no thought for poor me

Kongbeanie> You know this needy thing of yours is not cute  
Kongbeanie> Besides, how many times do I have to tell you  
Kongbeanie> You have nothing to worry about

hyulk> you’re really enjoying this aren’t you  
hyulk> the writing  
hyulk> not just torturing me  
hyulk> i expect that from you by now

Kongbeanie> Well yes  


Kongbeanie> It’s fun  
Kongbeanie> I told you, they’re a good writer

hyulk> okay

Kongbeanie> What?

hyulk> nothing

Kongbeanie> WHAT?

hyulk> nothing  
hyulk> let’s talk about something else

Kongbeanie> Look just trust me okay?  
Kongbeanie> You’re really going to appreciate it when it’s finished

hyulk> am i

Kongbeanie> What do I have to do to convince you?

hyulk> tell me about the secret project

Kongbeanie> Oh I KNEW it  
Kongbeanie> This was all a ruse to get me to crack

hyulk> i don’t know what you mean

Kongbeanie> Not a bad attempt  
Kongbeanie> Got to give you points for consistency

hyulk> really?

Kongbeanie> Yeah but it still didn’t work

hyulk> told you i wouldn’t give up  
hyulk> how about a hint about the co-writing thing then  
hyulk> come on just a little spoiler

Kongbeanie> Afraid not  
Kongbeanie> Can’t reveal anything or jekyll will kill me

hyulk> but it’s ME

Kongbeanie> Dammit  
Kongbeanie> Look, keep it quiet all right?  
Kongbeanie> Let’s just say it’s going to be the last thing you expect

hyulk> call that a spoiler?

Kongbeanie> It’s the best I can do

hyulk> nothing you do could surprise me anymore  
hyulk> i’ve seen it all

Kongbeanie> You think so?  
Kongbeanie> That sounds like a challenge to me

hyulk> yeah yeah bring it on  
hyulk> i won’t hold my breath  
hyulk> but i’ll try not to be disappointed

Kongbeanie> Oh it’s ON


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hulk> i don’t even care what you’re working on
> 
> Kongbeanie> You say that now
> 
> hyulk> i really don’t

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> So  
Kongbeanie> How are you feeling?

hyulk> …  
hyulk> why do you ask

Kongbeanie> I’m just concerned

hyulk> who are you and what have you done with bean??

Kongbeanie> No really  
Kongbeanie> I know you had your regular check-up today  
Kongbeanie> Is everything okay?

hyulk> i’m fine  
hyulk> probably healthier than you  
hyulk> since i actually see sunlight now and then

Kongbeanie> There’s no need to be rude

hyulk> just telling it like it is

Kongbeanie> Anyway  
Kongbeanie> Glad to hear you have a clean bill of health  
Kongbeanie> Got to go

hyulk> wait  
hyulk> that’s it?

Kongbeanie is offline

hyulk> what

*****

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> what the hell was that about

Kongbeanie> Hmm?

hyulk> asking me if i feel ok

Kongbeanie> I can’t just check in on my partner?

hyulk> so you were just being thoughtful?  
hyulk> i don’t believe it

Kongbeanie> I don’t have to stay here and be insulted

hyulk> come on we’ve been getting check-ups for years  
hyulk> suddenly you care that i’m not dying?  
hyulk> you’re up to something

Kongbeanie> And here I am trying to be nice  
Kongbeanie> You wound me

hyulk> I KNOW YOU  
hyulk> so drop the act  
hyulk> what’s going on

Kongbeanie> I just want to make sure you’re ready

hyulk> ready for what??

Kongbeanie> I don’t want you to stress about it

hyulk> stress about WHAT??

Kongbeanie> It’s okay  
Kongbeanie> You’ve put my mind at rest  
Kongbeanie> Let’s talk about something else

hyulk> BEAN

Kongbeanie> What?

hyulk> stop it with the mind games

Kongbeanie> I don’t know what you mean  
Kongbeanie> I need to get back to work now

hyulk> DON’T YOU DARE  
hyulk> you can’t just pull that and waltz back to your mistress

Kongbeanie> Mistress?

hyulk> or master  
hyulk> whatever  
hyulk> i make no judgments about that kind of thing

Kongbeanie> What the hell are you talking about?

hyulk> jekyll

Kongbeanie> Not this again

hyulk> well that’s what you’re going to do isn’t it?  
hyulk> i know what’s going on

Kongbeanie> Not that it matters  
Kongbeanie> Because there’s NOTHING GOING ON  
Kongbeanie> But I’m working on something else as well

hyulk> ooh  
hyulk> more hakyeon and taek?

Kongbeanie> That’s still happening  
Kongbeanie> But I’ve got something new as well

hyulk> so that means you have  
hyulk> hakyeon and taek  
hyulk> mega-classified epic secret project  
hyulk> that thing you’re doing with that person

Kongbeanie> FFS

hyulk> and now something else as well?  
hyulk> how do you keep everything straight in your head

Kongbeanie> I’m an evil genius  
Kongbeanie> You said so yourself

hyulk> and i suppose you’re not going to tell me anything about this new one either

Kongbeanie> Actually I’m feeling generous  
Kongbeanie> Ask me three questions  
Kongbeanie> I’ll answer honestly

hyulk> REALLY

Kongbeanie> Only about this story!

hyulk> damn  
hyulk> hmm  
hyulk> ok  
hyulk> is it about us as a band or us in another world?

Kongbeanie> It’s not an alternate universe this time  
Kongbeanie> Well not technically

hyulk> what’s that supposed to mean?

Kongbeanie> I guess it depends on whether you think the events could ever actually happen

hyulk> like taek cheating on hakyeon with shik?

Kongbeanie> no, just the universe  
Kongbeanie> It’s not like the lovebirds story

hyulk> okay so what’s the major plot?

Kongbeanie> That’s four questions, I said I’d only answer three

hyulk> OH COME ON  
hyulk> those weren’t questions

Kongbeanie> And yet I see question marks  
Kongbeanie> So sorry

hyulk> but you told me nothing!

Kongbeanie> Shouldn’t have wasted your questions then

hyulk> don’t make me beat it out of you

Kongbeanie> Now now  
Kongbeanie> Watch that stress level  
Kongbeanie> You need to keep an eye on your health

hyulk> i’ll keep an eye on YOUR health if you keep this up

Kongbeanie> That doesn’t even make sense  
Kongbeanie> I think you should lie down  
Kongbeanie> Maybe meditate or something  
Kongbeanie> Can’t be too careful

hyulk> oh i CANNOT with you today  
hyulk> you know what  
hyulk> FINE  
hulk> i don’t even care what you’re working on

Kongbeanie> You say that now

hyulk> i really don’t

Kongbeanie> That’s a shame  
Kongbeanie> Considering at least two of them are your fault

hyulk> how???

Kongbeanie> You gave me the ideas

hyulk> i did?  
hyulk> tell me more

Kongbeanie> bye now  
Kongbeanie> have a good rest

hyulk> GODDAMMIT


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> i cried, bean  
> hyulk> CRIED  
> hyulk> actual tears
> 
> \---
> 
> Kongbeanie> I thought you lived for the angst  
> Kongbeanie> Doesn’t get more angsty than this

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> I’ve thought it over and I’ve decided you’re right

hyulk> of course i am  
hyulk> wait  
hyulk> right about what?

Kongbeanie> Too many projects on the go at once  
Kongbeanie> It’s hard to do regular updates on all of them  
Kongbeanie> Especially now that work’s ramping up again

hyulk> work getting in the way of you indulging your evilness?  
hyulk> how rude

Kongbeanie> I knew you’d understand

hyulk> so what are you going to do?  
hyulk> you’re going to stop doing that thing with THAT person

Kongbeanie> You know, this is getting old

hyulk> touchy aren’t we  
hyulk> and you say it means nothing to you

Kongbeanie> I didn’t say that  
Kongbeanie> I just said it wasn’t going to  
Kongbeanie> Oh never mind

hyulk> i’m just saying  
hyulk> it was the last thing you started  
hyulk> logically it should be the first to get sacrificed

Kongbeanie> Right  
Kongbeanie> And it’s nothing to do with you being jealous

hyulk> i’m not jealous

Kongbeanie> Oh please

hyulk> i’m nursing my wounded heart

Kongbeanie> I’m not giving that one up

hyulk> what then?

Kongbeanie> I’m going to tie up some loose ends

hyulk> …  
hyulk> why does that sound ominous?

Kongbeanie> I don’t know what you mean

*****

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF TYING UP LOOSE ENDS???  
hyulk> i hate you

Kongbeanie> Again??

hyulk> no this time i REALLY hate you

Kongbeanie> I must be doing something right then  
Kongbeanie> Tell me what I did so I can do it again

hyulk> you’re heartless  
hyulk> how could you do that to taek  
hyulk> it’s so cruel

Kongbeanie> First you tell me I’m obsessed  
Kongbeanie> Now you’re upset on his behalf?

hyulk> this is not the same as turning him into a freak  
hyulk> that was fun  
hyulk> this is … just not

Kongbeanie> And you say I’m twisted  
Kongbeanie> All right what is it  
Kongbeanie> What did I do that’s got you so upset this time?

hyulk> YOU KILLED HIM  
hyulk> www.bandfics.com/neo-is-love/works/of-hearts-and-flowers

Kongbeanie> Oh that

hyulk> is that all you can say??!

Kongbeanie> What do you want me to say?

hyulk> aren’t you the least bit sorry?

Kongbeanie> Let me think about that  
Kongbeanie> No

hyulk> i cried, bean  
hyulk> CRIED  
hyulk> actual tears

Kongbeanie> I didn’t know you were so attached to Taekwoon

hyulk> not for him  
hyulk> for poor hakyeon left at the altar  
hyulk> now they can never get married

Kongbeanie> I thought you lived for the angst  
Kongbeanie> Doesn’t get more angsty than this

hyulk> but on the night before the wedding?!?!  
hyulk> that’s just cruel

Kongbeanie> What can I say?  
Kongbeanie> It’s probably better in the long run anyway  
Kongbeanie> You said it yourself, Taekwoon cheated on Hakyeon once already

hyulk> i can’t believe you  
hyulk> all this time i was hating shik because i thought he was just trying to break them up  
hyulk> and SHIK’S the one who dies of that unrequited love thing with the flowers  
hyulk> he really loved taek after all  
hyulk> and now taek is so guilty he’s run away!!

Kongbeanie> That’ll teach you not to jump to conclusions  
Kongbeanie> I’m quite pleased with how that one turned out actually

hyulk> you’re pleased  
hyulk> you broke up the most devoted couple EVER  
hyulk> YOU KILLED SHIK  
hyulk> and you’re pleased  
hyulk> have you even read the comments from the fans??  
hyulk> they’re going crazy with it

Kongbeanie> Music to my ears

hyulk> you have no soul

Kongbeanie> You’re right  
Kongbeanie> I had it surgically removed years ago


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> Dammit Hyukkie, talk to me  
> Kongbeanie> I’m just going to spam you until you do

_Kongbeanie is online_

Kongbeanie> So …  
Kongbeanie> Have you forgiven me yet?  
Kongbeanie> I’m writing a special epilogue  
Kongbeanie> Just for you  
Kongbeanie> I think you’ll like it

Kongbeanie> Hyukkie?

*****

_sh1kkie is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

sh1kkie> hey Bean.  
sh1kkie> can we talk?

Kongbeanie> What’s up?

sh1kkie> it’s about the monster.

Kongbeanie> Again?  
Kongbeanie> Don’t tell me you found another one of those stories.  
Kongbeanie> I still haven’t recovered from the last one.

sh1kkie> no, haven’t been looking really.

Kongbeanie> Liar

sh1kkie> maybe a bit.  
sh1kkie> there is some weird shit out there.  


sh1kkie> after all that stupid drama with that curse doll thing i thought i’d check.  
sh1kkie> that’s not even the worst.  
sh1kkie> i found one where Hakyeon was some kind of sex worker.  
sh1kkie> and there was this one with Leo who was like some fucked-up serial killer.  
sh1kkie> and he had this thing with you that was really twisted.

Kongbeanie> Okay you can stop right there  
Kongbeanie> I do NOT need to know  
Kongbeanie> Anyway, what did you want to say about Hyukkie?

sh1kkie> not sure but there’s something on his mind.  
sh1kkie> he’s not acting normal.

Kongbeanie> Think about what you just said there

sh1kkie> i mean he’s not acting normal for HIM.  
sh1kkie> half the time he’s biting my head off over nothing  
sh1kkie> the rest he’s just moping

Kongbeanie> So what makes you think I know what’s going on?  
Kongbeanie> Not his keeper

sh1kkie> no but you two are close.  
sh1kkie> i thought he might have said something.  
sh1kkie> like i didn’t think he was seeing anyone but he’s acting like he’s had a break-up.

Kongbeanie> Believe me, if Hyukkie was dating I’d be the last to know  
Kongbeanie> We don’t talk about stuff like that

sh1kkie> no way, he’d definitely tell you.  
sh1kkie> pretty sure he tells you everything.

Kongbeanie> You know, that’s a terrifying idea

sh1kkie> so he hasn’t said anything to you?

Kongbeanie> Now I’m thinking about it, we haven’t talked outside of work in a while  
Kongbeanie> Huh

sh1kkie> maybe you should talk to him.  
sh1kkie> see if he’s okay.

Kongbeanie> Why do I have to be the one?  
Kongbeanie> You do it

sh1kkie> he won’t tell me anything, even if he’s drunk.  
sh1kkie> unlike YOU.

Kongbeanie> What?

sh1kkie> gtg

Kongbeanie> WHAT?!

_sh1kkie is offline_

*****

_Kongbeanie is online_

Kongbeanie> Dammit Hyukkie, talk to me  
Kongbeanie> I’m just going to spam you until you do

_hyulk is online_

hyulk> what do you want

Kongbeanie> What’s going on?  
Kongbeanie> Are you still mad with me?

hyulk> not everything is about you, bean

Kongbeanie> Wow  
Kongbeanie> Okay  
Kongbeanie> So what’s up?

hyulk> nothing’s up

Kongbeanie> Come on, even I know there’s something wrong  
Kongbeanie> And I’m clueless

hyulk> true

Kongbeanie> So what is it?  
Kongbeanie> You know you can talk to me, right?

hyulk> it’s fine  
hyulk> i’m working things out

Kongbeanie> SERIOUSLY

_hyulk is offline_

Kongbeanie> Hyukkie, what the FUCK is going on??


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> Remember when I tried to drunk chat you?
> 
> hyulk> how could i forget
> 
> ...
> 
> Kongbeanie> Did Wonshik ever say anything to you about it?

_*****_

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> Hey  
Kongbeanie> Feel like talking?

hyulk> sure, what’s up

Kongbeanie> Really?

hyulk> yeah i’m not busy  
hyulk> so what is it?

Kongbeanie> Are you okay?  
Kongbeanie> It’s just that last time you seemed pretty mad

hyulk> i’m fine  
hyulk> you worry too much  
hyulk> keep it up and i’ll start calling YOU eomma

Kongbeanie> Not if you want to live, you won’t  
Kongbeanie> So things are good?

hyulk> if this is going to turn into another interrogation about my health

Kongbeanie> No no  
Kongbeanie> Okay, you’re fine  
Kongbeanie> I’m glad

hyulk> so what is it?

Kongbeanie> Remember when I tried to drunk chat you?

hyulk> how could i forget  
hyulk> i was having a really good dream and you woke me up  
hyulk> i mean a REALLY good dream  
hyulk> there was this redhead and a whole lot of balloons

Kongbeanie> STOP  
Kongbeanie> I don’t need the details

hyulk> sure?

Kongbeanie> anyway

hyulk> i don’t mind telling you  
hyulk> might give you some inspiration

Kongbeanie> Yeah let me think about it  
Kongbeanie> NO

hyulk> your loss  
hyulk> it was a really really good dream  
hyulk> no?  
hyulk> so apart from confirming you made a total idiot of yourself what do you want to know?

Kongbeanie> Did Wonshik ever say anything to you about it?

hyulk> about you drunk chatting me?

Kongbeanie> No, before that  
Kongbeanie> About when we were getting drunk together

hyulk> what makes you think he’d tell me?

Kongbeanie> Just something he said

hyulk> oh what’s this  
hyulk> not worried are you?

Kongbeanie> I’m just trying to figure out if he’s trolling me

hyulk> well it’s shik  
hyulk> he probably is

Kongbeanie> But did he say anything?

hyulk> hm  
hyulk> my memory’s pretty hazy

Kongbeanie> Think dammit

hyulk> having a lot of trouble recalling anything  
hyulk> perhaps i need an incentive

Kongbeanie> WHAT

hyulk> with the right motivation who knows  
hyulk> it might all become clear to me

Kongbeanie> You want me to bribe you

hyulk> bribe is such an ugly word  
hyulk> but okay if you’re not that worried about it

Kongbeanie> What do you want?  


Kongbeanie> And before you ask I'm not going to stop writing with jekyll  
Kongbeanie> And I’m not going to let you see the secret project

hyulk> wow you must really not want to know then

Kongbeanie> Come on be reasonable  
Kongbeanie> There must be something

hyulk> hm  
hyulk> hmm  
hyulk> hmmmmm

Kongbeanie> Don’t tell me you’re out of ideas

hyulk> all right … you have to write me a rom-com

Kongbeanie> OH COME ON

hyulk> that’s what i want, take it or leave it  
hyulk> it’s totally up to you  
hyulk> depends on how much you want this information

Kongbeanie> Why do I indulge you?  
Kongbeanie> Yeah I know, don’t say it …  
Kongbeanie> _sigh_  
Kongbeanie> All right  


hyulk> really???  
hyulk> didn’t think that was going to work

Kongbeanie> So what pairing do you want?

hyulk> hmm … i want LR  
hyulk> think of it as making it up to me for killing shik like that

Kongbeanie> Easy  
Kongbeanie> It’ll practically write itself

hyulk> not so fast  
hyulk> there are a few conditions

Kongbeanie> Oh I knew it  
Kongbeanie> What else do you want?

hyulk> well it’s a rom-com  
hyulk> so there has to be a love triangle  
hyulk> sooooo

Kongbeanie> Oh no

hyulk> YOU have to be in it too

Kongbeanie> No way  
Kongbeanie> I told you I wasn’t going to write me and Wonshik

hyulk> how do you know i was going to suggest that?  
hyulk> i could be talking about taek

Kongbeanie> But you’re not, are you?

hyulk> well as it happens …

Kongbeanie> I knew it  
Kongbeanie> NO

hyulk> you really don’t want to know what shik said to me do you

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> FUCK

hyulk> attaboy

Kongbeanie> I hate you

*****

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> FINE  
Kongbeanie> Here it is  
Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/kensbabybyeolbit/works/just-a-feeling

hyulk> you actually wrote it?  
hyulk> a romantic comedy?  
hyulk> for me?

Kongbeanie> Much as I hate to admit it

hyulk> you’re the best  
hyulk> now i’ll have something to read on the way home

Kongbeanie> I feel dirty now  
Kongbeanie> I’m going to have to write something REALLY dark to make up for it

hyulk> oh like you wouldn’t do that anyway  
hyulk> you’re only happy when you’re freaking out your readers

Kongbeanie> Harsh

hyulk> am i wrong?

Kongbeanie> Well

hyulk> exactly  
hyulk> you can’t fool me  
hyulk> now go away and let me read  
hyulk> this is gonna be so much fun

Kongbeanie> I wouldn’t have high expectations  
Kongbeanie> It’s not really very good

hyulk> i’ll be the judge of that

Kongbeanie> Just don’t say I didn’t warn you  
Kongbeanie> Now SPILL  
Kongbeanie> What did Wonshik tell you?

hyulk> gotta go  
hyulk> my ride’s here

Kongbeanie> Don’t you dare

_hyulk is offline_

Kongbeanie> Get back here!  
Kongbeanie> Goddammit


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> WHAT DID WONSHIK SAY TO YOU??  
> Kongbeanie> You have five seconds to tell me before I hunt you down and murder you
> 
> hyulk> but then you’ll never know
> 
> Kongbeanie> OMG JUST TELL ME

_Kongbeanie is online  
hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> Have you read it yet?

hyulk> hmm?

Kongbeanie> The story

hyulk> which story?

Kongbeanie> You know exactly which story  


Kongbeanie> That fucking rom-com

hyulk> oh that one

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> HAVE  
Kongbeanie> YOU  
Kongbeanie> READ  
Kongbeanie> IT??!

hyulk> yeah i read it

Kongbeanie> AND??

hyulk> what can i say  
hyulk> you were right  
hyulk> you write terrible rom-coms

Kongbeanie> I told you

hyulk> yeah but i thought i’d give it a chance anyway  
hyulk> my mistake

Kongbeanie> Anyway

hyulk> i mean i could see how you got the characters  
hyulk> shy nerdy taek who hides away at lunchtime to play piano  
hyulk> shik the jock who’s going out with the most popular guy in school  
hyulk> you channelling your inner brat chaebol’s son  
hyulk> those worked

Kongbeanie> Anyway

hyulk> and taek having hakyeon as the straight best friend who gives good dating advice?  
hyulk> actually a cool twist

Kongbeanie> ANYWAY

hyulk> gotta admit you hit all the cliches  
hyulk> like shik falling in love when he heard taek playing  
hyulk> and then being a jerk and not admitting it because he wanted to be popular  
hyulk> and you were the best mean girl ever when you were picking on taek  
hyulk> and shik not sticking up for taek

Kongbeanie> COME ON

hyulk> but the ending was really weak  
hyulk> like REALLY weak

Kongbeanie> It wasn’t that bad

hyulk> you just had shik suddenly realise he really wants to be with taek  
hyulk> i mean where was his motivation

Kongbeanie> Hey  
Kongbeanie> It wasn’t just one thing  
Kongbeanie> It was a whole lot of things  
Kongbeanie> Mean boyfriend, true love, shik deciding he wants to be a better person

hyulk> i’m not convinced  
hyulk> it just didn’t ring true

Kongbeanie> People don’t just suddenly change overnight  
Kongbeanie> It takes time to put things together and realise what they want  
Kongbeanie> Especially when it’s right under their noses

hyulk> look at you mister romance expert  
hyulk> how would you know anyway

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> Why am I even discussing this with you?

hyulk> i thought you wanted my opinion of the story

Kongbeanie> You know what I want

hyulk> i did like the kiss at the end though  
hyulk> in the cafeteria in front of everyone  
hyulk> there wasn’t even any tongue  
hyulk> very rom-com

Kongbeanie> HYUKKIE GODDAMMIT

hyulk> hm?

Kongbeanie> WHAT DID WONSHIK SAY TO YOU??

hyulk> oh that

Kongbeanie> YES  
Kongbeanie> THAT

hyulk> okay okay keep your panties on  
hyulk> hmm  
hyulk> hmmm

Kongbeanie> You have five seconds before I hunt you down and murder you

hyulk> but then you’ll never know

Kongbeanie> OMG JUST TELL ME

hyulk> well now you mention it  
hyulk> he didn’t say anything  
hyulk> **ㅋㅋㅋ**

Kongbeanie> What

hyulk> i mean apart from saying he outdrank you  
hyulk> not a thing

Kongbeanie> WHAT

hyulk> sorry  
hyulk> what were you expecting??

Kongbeanie> I don’t believe you  
Kongbeanie> He must have said something

hyulk> afraid not

Kongbeanie> You mean I went through all that for nothing?!?!

hyulk> i wouldn’t say that  
hyulk> you branched out and wrote a rom-com  
hyulk> which you would never have done otherwise  
hyulk> you’re welcome by the way

Kongbeanie> I only did that to get you to tell me!

hyulk> and i would tell you if there was something  
hyulk> i keep my bargains  
hyulk> it’s just that there wasn’t anything

Kongbeanie> You knew that all along didn’t you?

hyulk> bean you hurt my feelings  
hyulk> would i toy with you like that?

Kongbeanie> Honestly, do you expect an answer?  
Kongbeanie> FINE then  
Kongbeanie> There was nothing  
Kongbeanie> Good  
Kongbeanie> Going now  


hyulk> although …

Kongbeanie> Oh so know you’re saying there was something?  
Kongbeanie> Why should I believe you now?

hyulk> it wasn’t something he SAID  
hyulk> it was the way he acted for the next couple of days

Kongbeanie> Oh god what?

hyulk> don’t know if i should tell you  
hyulk> you won’t believe me anyway

Kongbeanie> Come on

hyulk> it wasn’t even about you  
hyulk> he just kept looking over at me and smirking a lot  
hyulk> like he knew something i didn’t

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> I’m going to kill him

hyulk> he was probably just trying to screw with my head

Kongbeanie is offline

hyulk> bean  
hyulk> hellooooooo  
hyulk> huh


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> you can’t do this to me
> 
> Kongbeanie> This is what you get for calling me a romantic
> 
> hyulk> this is your revenge?
> 
> Kongbeanie> Oh no, that’s still coming  
> Kongbeanie> This is just punishment

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> you’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel now

Kongbeanie> Hardly  
Kongbeanie> I take it that means you’ve seen my latest though

hyulk> www.bandfics.com/hongbincaughtstealing/works/serving_fish  
hyulk> drag queens  
hyulk> you crossed us over with a drag queen competition?

Kongbeanie> Technically it’s a fusion

hyulk> not the point  
hyulk> where did you even get the idea?

Kongbeanie> It’s a real show  
Kongbeanie> World-famous  
Kongbeanie> RuPaul’s Drag Race  
Kongbeanie> Don’t tell me you’ve never seen it

hyulk> i’ve heard of it …  
hyulk> it’s not really my thing

Kongbeanie> Such a sheltered little snowflake you are

hyulk> just because i didn’t know about some of your more twisted fetish ideas

Kongbeanie> It’s all right I won’t tell anyone how innocent you really are  
Kongbeanie> Probably

hyulk> ignoring that  
hyulk> so i see you’re over your ‘author inserts never work’ phase

Kongbeanie> It’s your fault

hyulk> really???  
hyulk> how are you blaming me for this?  
hyulk> you bitch every time you have to play a girl in one of our stunts  
hyulk> and yet you write yourself as entering the competition

Kongbeanie> What can I say?

hyulk> you’re even enthusiastic about it!  
hyulk> like  
hyulk> Hongbin waited until they’d talked themselves out before replying. ‘Yes, I’m serious. No, I wasn’t joking. I think I can make it - and I think I can win.’ 

Kongbeanie> Like I said, it’s all your fault  
Kongbeanie> Nag nag nag  
Kongbeanie> You wore me down

hyulk> you say such nice things to me  
hyulk> don’t get comfy though  
hyulk> my work isn’t done

Kongbeanie> ...

hyulk> there’s so much more i’m gonna get from you

Kongbeanie> You think so?  
Kongbeanie> Overconfidence will be your downfall young padawan

hyulk> did you just call me darth vader?

Kongbeanie> Not in so many words  
Kongbeanie> But if the cape fits …

hyulk> aww two compliments in one chat  
hyulk> it must be my birthday

Kongbeanie> Go away now

hyulk> wait i had a question  
hyulk> this is a series right?

Kongbeanie> Yes

hyulk> how many parts?

Kongbeanie> Why do you care?

hyulk> well if it’s only a few i know you’re not gonna win  
hyulk> and then i don’t know if that would be worth reading  
hyulk> if you’re gonna do this drag queen thing you should commit  
hyulk> really try your hardest

Kongbeanie> Fiction, remember?

hyulk> yeah but

Kongbeanie> Just for that I’m keeping you in suspense  
Kongbeanie> You won’t know the way it ends unless you keep reading

hyulk> that’s blackmail  
hyulk> you’re heartless

Kongbeanie> So cute how you think that’s going to change my mind

hyulk> you can’t do this to me

Kongbeanie> This is what you get for calling me a romantic

hyulk> this is your revenge?

Kongbeanie> Oh no, that’s still coming  
Kongbeanie> This is just punishment

hyulk> i’m relieved

Kongbeanie> relieved

hyulk> yeah because that would have been a totally lame revenge  
hyulk> for a minute i thought you were losing your touch

Kongbeanie> You know you’re only making it worse for yourself don’t you?

hyulk> bring it  
hyulk> i can take it

Kongbeanie> I was so hoping you’d say that

hyulk> wait

_Kongbeanie is offline_


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> how can you be bored if you’re quote co-writing unquote
> 
> Kongbeanie> Because I’m not  
> Kongbeanie> Called it off
> 
> hyulk> ooh what’s this, trouble in paradise?
> 
> Kongbeanie> I didn’t feel like it tonight
> 
> hyulk> you know you’re a terrible liar sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a few days late! I haven't been well lately, and I'm in the process of changing housemates, so it's been a bit difficult to get things done. But here it is, and I hope it makes up for it.
> 
> Happy birthday to our beloved eomma, Hakyeon!

_Kongbeanie is online_

Kongbeanie> Hey  
Kongbeanie> Hyukkie  
Kongbeanie> Wake up

_hyulk is online_

hyulk> i am awake

Kongbeanie> Liar

hyulk> even if i was asleep i’m not now  
hyulk> i’m talking to you

Kongbeanie> Then what’s that deafening snoring coming from your room?

hyulk> that’s shik

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> What is Wonshik doing in your room?

hyulk> sleeping  
hyulk> obviously  
hyulk> _**ㅋㅋㅋ ㅋㅋㅋ**_

Kongbeanie> Not what I meant and you know it

hyulk> so suspicious  


Kongbeanie> I was just … oh never mind

hyulk> anyway  
hyulk> i’m awake, so what’s up  
hyulk> wait  
hyulk> i thought you were supposed to be with THAT person tonight

Kongbeanie> Jekylll  
Kongbeanie> Their name is Jekyll  
Kongbeanie> Why do you keep doing that?

hyulk> you have to ask?  
hyulk> so  
hyulk> what’s up

Kongbeanie> Nothing

hyulk> you thought you’d wake me up to tell me nothing?  
hyulk> you’re lucky i wasn’t asleep  
hyulk> you’d be close to death now

Kongbeanie> I’m just bored

hyulk> how can you be bored if you’re quote co-writing unquote

Kongbeanie> Because I’m not  
Kongbeanie> Called it off

hyulk> ooh what’s this, trouble in paradise?

Kongbeanie> I didn’t feel like it tonight

hyulk> you know you’re a terrible liar sometimes  
hyulk> come on, what happened  
hyulk> tell hyukkie all about it

Kongbeanie> There’s really nothing to tell

hyulk> did you two have a fight or something  
hyulk> wait  
hyulk> i know, it’s creative differences  
hyulk> they wanted to write something you really hated  
hyulk> like you and jae

Kongbeanie> Your mind goes to some truly frightening places sometimes  
Kongbeanie> Me and Jaehwan? Not even most of the fans do that

hyulk> CONFIRMED

Kongbeanie> No it really wasn’t that  
Kongbeanie> They’re just  
Kongbeanie> You’ll laugh

hyulk> promise i won’t

Kongbeanie> They’re getting weird and possessive

hyulk> …  
hyulk> …  
hyulk> really

Kongbeanie> You’re laughing, aren’t you?

hyulk> noooo

Kongbeanie> You ARE

hyulk> maybe a little bit

Kongbeanie> I knew it  
Kongbeanie> Forget it

hyulk> all right i’m sorry  
hyulk> but you have to admit it’s pretty funny

Kongbeanie> How is it funny?!  
Kongbeanie> They get annoyed with me if I’m not always around  
Kongbeanie> Even asked me to say I was sick a couple of days ago so we could keep writing

hyulk> when we had that tv thing?

Kongbeanie> YES!  
Kongbeanie> It’s not like a rehearsal or something I could duck out of if I wanted to  
Kongbeanie> But I couldn’t exactly tell them why I needed to ‘go to work’  
Kongbeanie> And they got all pissy about it

hyulk> the perils of living a secret life i guess

Kongbeanie> Yes very helpful, thank you  
Kongbeanie> And now they want us to have even more time together  
Kongbeanie> I mean we’re at a really good point in the story  
Kongbeanie> The plot is really coming together  
Kongbeanie> So I guess I can understand it but ...

hyulk> i won’t say i told you so

Kongbeanie> And yet you just did

hyulk> look i get that you can’t just take the day off, but you have more free time  
hyulk> you could stop doing so much gaming

Kongbeanie> I already did that  
Kongbeanie> I decided I wouldn’t game so much until this was done

hyulk> then what else is there?

Kongbeanie> You’re going to laugh again

hyulk> i suppose it’s not good saying i won’t?

Kongbeanie> They’re jealous

hyulk> WOW

Kongbeanie> Of you

hyulk> … what  
hyulk> you told them about me?

Kongbeanie> Obviously they don’t know it’s YOU  
Kongbeanie> But they told me I should stop chatting to you so much  
Kongbeanie> They said you’d understand

hyulk> they don’t even know me

Kongbeanie> I KNOW  
Kongbeanie> They think you’re my flatmate friend

hyulk> not so far from the truth, really  
hyulk> but you told them we also talk online

Kongbeanie> Yeah

hyulk> And they want you to stop

Kongbeanie> Yeah

hyulk> huh  
hyulk> so what did you say

Kongbeanie> Nothing yet  
Kongbeanie> I cancelled our writing session tonight to think about it

hyulk> ...  
hyulk> are you considering doing what they ask

Kongbeanie> Of course not!  
Kongbeanie> I’ve given up enough time to this  
Kongbeanie> I just need to think about how to explain to them I won’t do it

hyulk> so let me get this straight  
hyulk> you write for hours with this person  
hyulk> you give up movie nights and gaming

Kongbeanie> Giving up movie night was not a hardship  
Kongbeanie> One more of eomma’s weepy romances and I was going to murder someone

hyulk> but you draw the line at giving up me

Kongbeanie> That’s … not quite how I’d put it

hyulk> i’m touched  
hyulk> really all gooey inside

Kongbeanie> ...

hyulk> here was i thinking that you didn’t care  
hyulk> that i’d been thrown on the scrap heap 

Kongbeanie> STOP THAT

hyulk> but you’re actually giving up jekyll time to be with me  
hyulk> i may swoon  
hyulk> i need to go and write in my diary and draw lots of little hearts

Kongbeanie> I’m starting to regret the decision already

hyulk> seriously though  
hyulk> you’re going to tell them you won’t stop talking to me?

Kongbeanie> Of course I won’t stop talking to you  
Kongbeanie> You’re my partner in crime  
Kongbeanie> I keep telling you this  
Kongbeanie> No one’s getting between us

hyulk> REALLY

Kongbeanie> oh for god’s sake

_Kongbeanie is offline_

hyulk> come back  
hyulk> don’t be an idiot  
hyulk> beeeeaannnnn  


hyulk> i was messing with you  
hyulk> come baaaaaaaack  
hyulk> i’m going to keep pinging you bean  
hyulk> i’m wide awake and have nothing better to do  
hyulk> you’ll see  
hyulk> this will go on and on 

_Kongbeanie is online_

Kongbeanie> oh my god WHAT??

hyulk> there you are  
hyulk> hiiiii

Kongbeanie> WHAT  
Kongbeanie> DO  
Kongbeanie> YOU  
Kongbeanie> WANT  


hyulk> all joking aside

Kongbeanie> Yeah that’s likely

hyulk> i really appreciate it

Kongbeanie> …

hyulk> i know how much you’re enjoying this co-writing thing  
hyulk> so i wouldn’t blame you for wanting to do it more often  
hyulk> it means a lot that you’d still make time for me

Kongbeanie> Hyukkie ...

hyulk> that’s all

_hyulk is offline_


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An author's note on delays to new updates

Hi all,

This fic is alive and well, but there may not be updates for a few weeks. I'm in hospital, just came out of intensive care, and could be a while recovering. I will continue to work on it as much as I can, so please forgive any delays.

I hope you'll hang in there with me while I recover.

Lots of love,

your very own Kongbeanie.

PS Still to come ... the Great Collaboration, Drag Race, and the Secretest Project EVER may finally see the light of day.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> What are you now, my drag coach?
> 
> hyulk> you could do worse
> 
> Kongbeanie> I’ll keep that in mind if I ever REALLY do drag
> 
> hyulk> really??
> 
> Kongbeanie> NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaack! Hope it wasn't too long to wait. Out of hospital now, although it was pretty hairy for a while there (let me just say I have a _lot_ of material now to use in _Song of the Curse_ ).
> 
> I'm aiming to get back on a weekly posting schedule, but if it's a couple of extra days, please don't panic - there is so much more to Bean and Hyukkie's ongoing story ...

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> i’m disappointed in you

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> NOW what have I done?

hyulk> you totally screwed that challenge  
hyulk> i mean, that outfit  
hyulk> ugh  
hyulk> and after you spent so much time learning how to sew from the noonas

Kongbeanie> What are we talking about here?

hyulk> don’t pretend you don’t know

Kongbeanie> Honestly I’m baffled

hyulk> all i can say is it’s lucky you can lipsync

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> Is this about the drag queen story?

hyulk> of course  
hyulk> what else?  
hyulk> i was this close to rage quitting

Kongbeanie> HEY I turned that lipsync OUT

hyulk> like i said, lucky  
hyulk> you’ll have to work really hard to survive this competition

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> I’m going to hate myself for asking  
Kongbeanie> But you do remember this is fiction, don’t you?

hyulk> you have to lift your game  
hyulk> i’ve been researching and you’re not great in some of the challenge areas

Kongbeanie> What are you now, my drag coach?

hyulk> you could do worse  
hyulk> clearly you need help from SOMEONE

Kongbeanie> I’ll keep that in mind if I ever REALLY do drag

hyulk> really??

Kongbeanie> NO

hyulk> damn  
hyulk> i mean you’re pretty convincing when you want to be

Kongbeanie> OMG shut up

hyulk> i saw that one of the challenges means you have to put someone else in drag  
hyulk> like maybe someone you know  
hyulk> so who do you have in mind?

Kongbeanie> You don’t even know if the story will get that far yet

hyulk> it’s hakyeon, isn’t it?

Kongbeanie> Would I be that obvious?

hyulk> well he actually LIKES dressing up like a girl

Kongbeanie> That would be too easy

hyulk> so who is it? jae?

Kongbeanie> Not telling

hyulk> omg it’s TAEK isn’t it  
hyulk> you’ll put TAEK in drag  
hyulk> _**ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ**_  
hyulk> can’t wait until i show him that  
hyulk> he’ll DIE

Kongbeanie> Maybe I plan to put YOU in drag

hyulk> what

Kongbeanie> It makes sense

hyulk> you wouldn’t

Kongbeanie> Yeah that might actually work  
Kongbeanie> Especially since you’re not a shrimp anymore

hyulk> i’d look terrible!

Kongbeanie> Of course I’d probably lose the challenge  
Kongbeanie> But it’d be worth it for the laughs

hyulk> HEY  
hyulk> cmon bean

Kongbeanie> Why are you worried?  
Kongbeanie> It’s just fiction

hyulk> yeah but

Kongbeanie> I can already see how the scene of teaching you to walk in high heels will go

hyulk> just stop

Kongbeanie> All the other drag queens pointing and laughing  
Kongbeanie> You getting all frustrated

hyulk> bean i’m begging you  
hyulk> don't do it

Kongbeanie> I don’t understand this hesitation  
Kongbeanie> You liked it when I turned you into a serial killer

hyulk> that’s DIFFERENT

Kongbeanie> Is it?  
Kongbeanie> How?

hyulk> IT JUST IS

Kongbeanie> There you go again assuming I only write what you want

hyulk> how can i make you change your mind?  
hyulk> seriously  
hyulk> tell me

Kongbeanie> Hm  
Kongbeanie> Hmm

hyulk> BEAN

Kongbeanie> All right 

hyulk> thank you

Kongbeanie> I’ll consider it

hyulk> WHAT?!

Kongbeanie> Whoops look at the time  
Kongbeanie> Go to go, writing appointment

hyulk> COME ON

Kongbeanie is offline


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> Happy birthday
> 
> hyulk> what?
> 
> Kongbeanie> Happy birthday
> 
> hyulk> what are you up to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated birthday to our beloved Hyukkie!
> 
> A special two part chapter for the occasion, and because I love you all for sticking with me.

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> Happy birthday

hyulk> what?

Kongbeanie> Happy birthday

hyulk> what are you up to?

Kongbeanie> So suspicious  
Kongbeanie> I can’t just wish my partner a happy birthday?

hyulk> not without an ulterior motive

Kongbeanie> What ulterior motive could I possibly have?

hyulk> knowing you it’s something dire

Kongbeanie> Fine  
Kongbeanie> You got me, I wasn’t just going to say that

hyulk> i KNEW it  
hyulk> you can’t fool me

Kongbeanie> I WAS going to give you a present  
Kongbeanie> But okay, if that’s how you feel

hyulk> wait  
hyulk> a birthday present?  
hyulk> for me??

Kongbeanie> Don’t sound so surprised

hyulk> come on you never give me presents

Kongbeanie> Not true

hyulk> Buying me a milkshake when you get a 2 for 1 deal doesn’t count

Kongbeanie> You didn’t complain at the time

hyulk> like i’m going to refuse free food

Kongbeanie> Well then

hyulk> still doesn’t count

Kongbeanie> You know you’re not actually supposed to criticise the gifts people give you

hyulk> all right so what’s this present?

Kongbeanie> I’m not sure I should give it to you now  
Kongbeanie> If you’re just going to be judgy about it

hyulk> i won’t judge this one

Kongbeanie> I don’t know  
Kongbeanie> My feelings are hurt now

hyulk> …  
hyulk> do you really expect me to believe that?

Kongbeanie> Why not?

hyulk> because it’s YOU

Kongbeanie> I have feelings

hyulk> yeah EVIL ones

Kongbeanie> Wow okay  
Kongbeanie> Now it comes out  
Kongbeanie> So that’s really what you think of me

hyulk> come on don’t pretend you’re offended  
hyulk> you hate mushy stuff  
hyulk> the last time jae accused you of feelings you changed his social media passwords and didn’t give them back for a week  
hyulk> he went into withdrawals

Kongbeanie> Served him right too  
Kongbeanie> But seriously  
Kongbeanie> I really do want to give you a present  
Kongbeanie> A proper one

hyulk> hang on just let me brace myself

Kongbeanie> HYUKKIE

hyulk> okay i’ll stop

Kongbeanie> Thank you

hyulk> for now

Kongbeanie> …

hyulk> so what is it?

Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/neo_is_love/works/my_circle

Kongbeanie> Happy birthday

_Kongbeanie is offline_

*****

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> i take it all back  
hyulk> all of it  
hyulk> you do have feelings  


hyulk> really soft ones

Kongbeanie> I’m not sure I should take that as a compliment

hyulk> no you definitely should  
hyulk> i love my birthday present  
hyulk> best one ever  
hyulk> even better than the naruto figurine collection shik got me that time

Kongbeanie> Better than Naruto?  
Kongbeanie> High praise indeed

hyulk> i honestly thought that series was done  
hyulk> after what happened i didn’t think they could ever get back together

Kongbeanie> I know

hyulk> they finally got MARRIED  
hyulk> and even adopted a baby and called him wonshik  
hyulk> it was AMAZING  
hyulk> completely unexpected

Kongbeanie> That’s why I wrote it

hyulk> wait are you saying you wrote that BECAUSE of me?  
hyulk> you’re not, are you?

Kongbeanie> It’s true  
Kongbeanie> You got so upset about the way it ended  
Kongbeanie> So I wrote you a better ending

hyulk> …  
hyulk> i don’t know what to say

Kongbeanie> You don’t have to say anything

hyulk> when did you have time to write it?  
hyulk> i mean it’s really detailed  
hyulk> hakyeon tracking down taek  
hyulk> taek getting over his guilt about shik  
hyulk> them falling in love again

Kongbeanie> I wanted to do a proper job of it

hyulk> and that’s before the wedding  
hyulk> which was EPIC by the way  
hyulk> so cool you had the rest of us in the wedding party  
hyulk> and singing them a special song?  
hyulk> that was the best

Kongbeanie> I found a few extra minutes here and there

hyulk> where??  
hyulk> what did you do, give up sleep?

Kongbeanie> Don’t be ridiculous

hyulk> well however you did it  
hyulk> i love it

Kongbeanie> That’s the main thing

hyulk> of course you realise you’re doomed now

Kongbeanie> …

Kongbeanie> Why?

hyulk> that was definitely the softest most romantic thing you’ve ever written  
hyulk> i got all choked up when they were doing their vows  
hyulk> your cover is blown forever

Kongbeanie> It’s just a story

hyulk> you don’t fool me bean  
hyulk> you couldn’t write that well if you didn’t understand it

Kongbeanie> Oh god I suppose you’re going to tell everyone about it now

hyulk> nope

Kongbeanie> Why don’t I believe you?

hyulk> nope i’m not sharing this story with anyone

Kongbeanie> It’s ONLINE

hyulk> you know what i mean  
hyulk> not with any of us  
hyulk> it’s mine  
hyulk> mine mine mine  
hyulk> my precious

Kongbeanie> Okay you’re starting to scare me  
Kongbeanie> But I’m glad you like it

hyulk> i really really do

Kongbeanie> Then it’s worth it

hyulk> so what are you going to write me for christmas?

Kongbeanie> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> so you should think about what story you'll do next  
> hyulk> come on you must have a few ideas rattling around in your head
> 
> Kongbeanie> There are always ideas in there  
> Kongbeanie> I lock them in a pit full of alligators and see which ones survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe we're approaching 50 chapters of this thing ... it's all your fault, you wonderful, wonderful readers. You enable me marvellously. So I'll do something special for chapter 50, not sure what yet. Suggestions are welcome.
> 
> Also, Reader participation time! See notes at the end for an informal poll, and I'd love you all to get involved. :D

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> so what’s next?

Kongbeanie> What do you mean?

hyulk> the next big thing  
hyulk> you must be thinking about it  
hyulk> now that the lovebirds are married

Kongbeanie> I still have three big projects on the go

hyulk> pfft not for long  
hyulk> from the looks of it you’ll be up to the drag queen finals soon  
hyulk> so even if you don’t win that’ll be finished  
hyulk> you are going to win, right?

Kongbeanie> You know I’m not going to tell you that

hyulk> but it’s so close!  
hyulk> surely you wouldn’t end the story without getting to the big finish??

Kongbeanie> I might

hyulk> no you won’t  
hyulk> you like stringing the readers out  
hyulk> you’ll take it right up to the end  
hyulk> which will make the story better anyway

Kongbeanie> since when did you become a literary critic?

hyulk> i’m full of hidden talents

Kongbeanie> I shudder to think

hyulk> anyway so you’ll only have 2 things  
hyulk> so what’s next?

Kongbeanie> Maybe I want to take a rest for a bit  
Kongbeanie> Actually have a life for a change

hyulk> you can’t do that  
hyulk> you have to write lots more  
hyulk> i insist

Kongbeanie> Excuse ME mister slave-driver  
Kongbeanie> Remind me again when I agreed to let you run my life?  
Kongbeanie> Oh that’s right  
Kongbeanie> NEVER

hyulk> you won’t stop  
hyulk> you get too much of a kick out of it

Kongbeanie> You think?

hyulk> i KNOW  
hyulk> so you should think about what’s next  
hyulk> come on you must have a few ideas rattling around in your head

Kongbeanie> There are always ideas in there  
Kongbeanie> I lock them in a pit full of alligators and see which ones survive

hyulk> …  
hyulk> you have a pit of alligators in your head  
hyulk> you’re even weirder than i thought

Kongbeanie> It’s a metaphor you idiot

hyulk> suuuuuure  
hyulk> sooooo  
hyulk> what’s in there right now?

Kongbeanie> Oh god all sorts of shit

hyulk> like???

Kongbeanie> A lot of it is crap

hyulk> i’ll be the judge of that

Kongbeanie> So not just a literary critic, now you’re my agent?

hyulk> i accept the position humbly

Kongbeanie> I wasn’t offering you a job!

hyulk> i’m not even going to ask for payment

Kongbeanie> Now THAT’S definitely a lie

hyulk> you know how to keep me happy

Kongbeanie> I told you, no me and Wonshik  
Kongbeanie> It was bad enough you tricked me into doing that thing with the rom-com

hyulk> when will you just accept i’ve let that dream die?

Kongbeanie> Maybe when Hell freezes over, Satan

hyulk> i’ve expanded my horizons  
hyulk> many things make me happy now  
hyulk> so spill … tell me some ideas before the alligators get them

Kongbeanie> Fine but don’t say I didn’t warn you  
Kongbeanie> There really is a lot of crap in here

hyulk> yeah yeah stop stallling

Kongbeanie> Well  
Kongbeanie> There’s this steampunk adventure thing

hyulk> steampunk? like back in olden times with weird tech?

Kongbeanie> I’m impressed you know what that is

hyulk> hey i read

Kongbeanie> I don’t have much for that one  
Kongbeanie> Just a vague idea of flying around in an airship  
Kongbeanie> Maybe make one of us a villain who wants to take over the world

hyulk> taek, right?

Kongbeanie> Not necessarily  
Kongbeanie> I could switch it up, make Hakyeon the bad guy

hyulk> that i’d like to see  
hyulk> will there be filth?

Kongbeanie> Not in those days

hyulk> romance?

Kongbeanie> Really?

hyulk> well you do have a romance gap in your current stuff

Kongbeanie> How would you know?  
Kongbeanie> I could be writing an epic romance with jekyll

hyulk> nah you’d complain more

Kongbeanie> Anyway  
Kongbeanie> Romance only if the story wants it

hyulk> hmm okay  
hyulk> next

Kongbeanie> A fantasy setting based on the Shangri-La mv  
Kongbeanie> But something with a twist because peace and harmony are boring

hyulk> So it’d be dark then

Kongbeanie> Not necessarily

hyulk> come on bean it’s YOU

Kongbeanie> Well maybe a bit

hyulk> that one’s got possibilities  
hyulk> what else?

Kongbeanie> That Harry Potter sequel, much as I hate to admit it  
Kongbeanie> Not a direct sequel though  
Kongbeanie> Maybe do that idea from one of the readers  
Kongbeanie> Taekwoon the Auror and his sidekick dragon

hyulk> the return of slythervixx, i like it

Kongbeanie> I even thought about an alpha/beta/omega story

hyulk> a what??

Kongbeanie> ‘Weird werewolf sex shit’, as I believe you called it

hyulk> ugh no  
hyulk> that stuff is way too out there

Kongbeanie> Oh now I’m really tempted

hyulk> yeah not sure i’d read that

Kongbeanie> And there you were just asking for smut

hyulk> there are limits

Kongbeanie> Limits?  
Kongbeanie> You??

hyulk> ignoring that  
hyulk> so that’s all?

Kongbeanie> There are a couple of things that aren’t much more than a ‘what if’  
Kongbeanie> Like something set in the future in space where one of us is a cyborg

hyulk> helloooooo error

Kongbeanie> And maybe something really really fluffy  
Kongbeanie> Bordering on disgustingly cute

hyulk> hah you couldn’t do something like that  
hyulk> it’d end up weird and twisted

Kongbeanie> Is that a challenge, dongsaeng?

hyulk> maybe

Kongbeanie> Anyway that’s pretty much what I have floating around at the moment

hyulk> well pick one then and get to it

Kongbeanie> It’s not that easy

hyulk> sure it is  
hyulk> i’ll pick one if you can’t make up your mind

Kongbeanie> Oh no, I’m not falling for that again

hyulk> then i eagerly await your next offering 

Kongbeanie> Excuse me?

hyulk> as your agent i feel i should encourage you

Kongbeanie> I never agreed to that!

hyulk> i’ll be in my office  
hyulk> let me know what you come up with 

_hyulk is offline_

Kongbeanie> I’m doomed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ... what do you, as readers, want our Kongbeanie to 'write' next? Please comment below with one of the following:
> 
> 1\. steampunk adventure with evil!Hakyeon  
> 2\. Shangri-La fantasy with a twist  
> 3\. Harry Potter sequel with Auror!Taekwoon  
> 4\. ABO  
> 5\. Space!VIXX with cyborgs  
> 6\. Something really fluffy, bordering on disgustingly cute  
> 7\. Another idea entirely (please leave details)
> 
> (Also, the comment about the alligators? I freely admit to stealing that from Stephen King, who once described his writing process as something like that. And hey, it works for me, too.)


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> but what about your next project?  
> hyulk> did you decide yet?
> 
> Kongbeanie> Not sure I should tell you
> 
> hyulk> i think you’ll find you’re legally required to tell your agent these things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll! Full results are at the end.
> 
> Also, just a quick but annoying (well, annoying for me) update: I had to go back into hospital, and my recovery is damned slow, so if there are delays in posting this and other fics, many, many apologies in advance. :(

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> no  
hyulk> nononono  
hyulk> NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kongbeanie> What is it now?

hyulk> TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

Kongbeanie> You’ll have to be clearer than that

hyulk> you know what i’m talking about!

Kongbeanie> Hmm  
Kongbeanie> No, nothing springs to mind

hyulk> how could you go and sprain your stupid ankle?!  
hyulk> just before the final!

Kongbeanie> Oh, we’re in drag queen land again?  
Kongbeanie> What can I say, it was a difficult challenge

hyulk> it was just wire work  
hyulk> you’ve done that before, you know how to land

Kongbeanie> Yes but where would the fun be in doing everything perfectly?  
Kongbeanie> It’s important to build tension

hyulk> now you’ll never win!

Kongbeanie> Looks like it’s working too

hyulk> wait are you saying there’s still a chance?  
hyulk> i get it  
hyulk> you’re going to bravely push through the pain  
hyulk> and then have to be helped onto the stage to get crowned  
hyulk> i can see it now

Kongbeanie> You honestly don’t expect me to tell you what’s going to happen?

hyulk> no but it’s what must happen  
hyulk> it’d be a satisfying ending

Kongbeanie> Do YOU want to write this?

hyulk> ooh can i?

Kongbeanie> NO

hyulk> you’re such a tease  
hyulk> get my hopes up  
hyulk> string me along  
hyulk> and then destroy my dreams

Kongbeanie> Oh do not start this again

hyulk> i see  
hyulk> you’ll let THAT person write with you  
hyulk> but not poor faithful hyukkie

Kongbeanie> That’s completely different!

hyulk> what do they have that i don’t?

Kongbeanie> Stop that  
Kongbeanie> It’s different because this story was just mine from the start  
Kongbeanie> I know where it’s going  
Kongbeanie> I know how it finishes, so of course I’m keeping it to myself  
Kongbeanie> The other one is just … happening as we go along

hyulk> you don’t even have a plot?

Kongbeanie> We’ve got a general idea of where things are going

hyulk> but then how do you know what to write next?

Kongbeanie> Mostly we just  
Kongbeanie> Oh that was sneaky

hyulk> i don’t know what you mean

Kongbeanie> Of course you do  
Kongbeanie> Got to hand it to you though  
Kongbeanie> You’re getting better at this

hyulk> and every time i learn something new  
hyulk> soon all your secrets will be mine

Kongbeanie> I’m still two steps ahead of you all the time

hyulk> you think?

Kongbeanie> What’s that supposed to mean?

hyulk> what do you think it means?

Kongbeanie> Okay this conversation is over

hyulk> wait i had a question

Kongbeanie> No, I’m not giving you any more info about the co-writing  
Kongbeanie> Or the drag queen story

hyulk> i’m over that now  
hyulk> but what about your next project?  
hyulk> did you decide yet?

Kongbeanie> Not sure I should tell you

hyulk> i think you’ll find you’re legally required to tell your agent these things

Kongbeanie> Will you stop that?  
Kongbeanie> You’re NOT my agent

hyulk> well you haven’t signed the contract yet, that’s true

Kongbeanie> Like I would ever sign a contract with you, Satan

hyulk> you might be surprised  
hyulk> anyway  
hyulk> what did you settle on?

Kongbeanie> Brace yourself

hyulk> oh god  
hyulk> not the werewolf thing

Kongbeanie> Really bothers you, huh  
Kongbeanie> Makes the idea so much sweeter

hyulk> bean don’t  
hyulk> come on, any of the others

Kongbeanie> Maybe I need some sort of incentive not to write it

hyulk> wait  
hyulk> i do the bribing and blackmail in this relationship

Kongbeanie> It’s cute you think that

hyulk> look i won’t hassle you for details about anything anymore

Kongbeanie> Don’t make promises you can’t keep  
Kongbeanie> It means that much to you?

hyulk> what can i say  
hyulk> there are just some things …

Kongbeanie> Guess you’re just going to have to wait and find out then

Kongbeanie is offline

hyulk> BEAN  
hyulk> DON’T DO THIS TO ME  
hyulk> PLEASE

_Kongbeanie is online_

Kongbeanie> Well since you asked so nicely  
Kongbeanie> I’ve decided to do the Shangri-la story

hyulk> whew  
hyulk> you had me worried there

Kongbeanie> With a twist

hyulk> of course it has a twist

Kongbeanie> You’ll never guess this one though

hyulk> is that a challenge?  
hyulk> because you know i will

Kongbeanie> Give it your best shot, monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final poll top results:
> 
> Shangri-la ... 4 votes
> 
> ABO ... 3 votes
> 
> So close! 
> 
> (And I may, or may not, have already come up with a full plot for the Shangri-la story, fml)


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> i wasn’t saying you had to write smut with women  
> hyulk> you didn’t have to do that
> 
> Kongbeanie> Well I did
> 
> hyulk> yeah  
> hyulk> about that

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> why don’t you ever write girls?

Kongbeanie> What? I’ve had female characters before

hyulk> hardly any  
hyulk> and that’s not what i meant  
hyulk> you never write smut with girls  
hyulk> or romance  
hyulk> not even a hint

Kongbeanie> That’s not true  
Kongbeanie> There was the one who fell in love with you when you were a monster  
Kongbeanie> And in the Harry Potter one

hyulk> the one everyone thought was a whatsit  
hyulk> mary sue?  
hyulk> _**ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ**_

Kongbeanie> Which she OBVIOUSLY wasn’t  
Kongbeanie> But see, I have done that

hyulk> and that’s another thing  
hyulk> why only write girls when you’re writing about me??  
hyulk> you’ve never had hakyeon falling in love with a girl  
hyulk> or taek  
hyulk> mind you taek would probably just kill them and make perfume out of their bodies or something 

Kongbeanie> What about the Ravenclaw girl?

hyulk> please that doesn’t count  
hyulk> that was probably the least romantic pairing you’ve written

Kongbeanie> What are you getting at?

hyulk> just that you always talk about expanding your skills  
hyulk> but you only really write us as gay  
hyulk> why is that?

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> I don’t know, everyone does it

hyulk> well i know that’s not true  
hyulk> there are lots of stories out there where we have girlfriends

Kongbeanie> Why do you care so much, anyway?  
Kongbeanie> I thought you liked reading slash  
Kongbeanie> Have you suddenly decided different?

hyulk> well not really

Kongbeanie> Not really?

hyulk> it just seems weird

Kongbeanie> But you preferred the monster one where I wrote a guy instead of a girl

hyulk> i said it seemed more natural

Kongbeanie> So you didn’t prefer it?

hyulk> i didn’t say that

Kongbeanie> What then?

hyulk> i was just curious, okay

Kongbeanie> Fine then

_Kongbeanie is offline_

hyulk> bean what the hell

*****

_Kongbeanie is online_  
_hyulk is online_

Kongbeanie> There  
Kongbeanie> www.bandfics.com/i_think_i_ken/works/girl-in-the-mirror  
Kongbeanie> Happy now?

hyulk> what’s this?

Kongbeanie> What you wanted

hyulk> wait a minute

_Kongbeanie is offline_

*****

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> i wasn’t saying you had to write smut with women  
hyulk> you didn’t have to do that

Kongbeanie> Well I did

hyulk> yeah  
hyulk> about that

Kongbeanie> WHAT?

hyulk> was it supposed to be funny?

Kongbeanie> …

hyulk> i mean some of the phrasing  
hyulk> “Her orgasm hit her like fireworks exploding, like an electric shock through her entire body”  
hyulk> “She moaned in appreciation of her lover’s skilful tongue, her dripping …”  
hyulk> well you get the idea

Kongbeanie> You thought I was being funny

hyulk> oh  
hyulk> you weren’t?  
hyulk> oops

Kongbeanie> THIS IS WHY I DON’T WRITE FEMALE CHARACTERS  
Kongbeanie> I’m terrible at them

hyulk> gotta say this is way worse than even your really early stuff

Kongbeanie> Shut up

hyulk> and i’m pretty sure some of that stuff isn’t physically possible

Kongbeanie> God shut UP  
Kongbeanie> Look just forget that thing even exists okay?  
Kongbeanie> I’m going to delete the damn account and let it die an orphan

hyulk> still i have to give you props for trying  
hyulk> even if it was awful

Kongbeanie> Wow thanks for that

hyulk> there was one other problem though

Kongbeanie> Oh god what now?

hyulk> well it was a fantasy right?  
hyulk> with a cursed magic mirror that turned me and wonshik female?  
hyulk> and apparently we had to make out or else we couldn’t get back to our own bodies?

Kongbeanie> I never said it was an original plot

hyulk> yeah but

Kongbeanie> WHAT

hyulk> it was two women

Kongbeanie> SO???

hyulk> so  
hyulk> still gay

Kongbeanie> ...

hyulk> i’m just saying

Kongbeanie> You’re never happy!

hyulk> you know how to make me happy

Kongbeanie> This conversation is OVER


	46. Omake: the many faces of Kongbeanie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my wonderful readers! I’ve shamefully neglected you, so please let me make it up to you with this: a peek behind the curtain into the many ‘works’ that have featured in this story. Coming up with these ideas has been both a frustrating and immensely rewarding exercise, and the massive amounts of encouragement you’ve all given me is something I really, really appreciate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course, only three of these stories actually exist. They're the ones with live links.
> 
> There _may_ be a couple more in the works, assuming the alligators in my head don't die of over-eating.

Hello, my wonderful readers! I’ve shamefully neglected you, so please let me make it up to you with this: a peek behind the curtain into the many ‘works’ that have featured in this story. Coming up with these ideas has been both a frustrating and immensely rewarding exercise, and the massive amounts of encouragement you’ve all given me is something I really, really appreciate. 

Some of these have actually been written, and I’ve included links to those. Others … may or may not be in progress. Where they’ve been directly inspired, I’ve tried to give proper credit. If my memory has failed me, and you’re one of my inspirations, please let me know in a comment! 

Works are grouped by pseudonym, not in the order they were ‘written’. This is by no means all of Kongbeanie’s creations, but I hope you enjoy this sampling. (And yes, there will be more, including the Secret Project.)

**hongbincaughtstealing**

This pseudonym is one of vixxbitch’s inventions. Basically, Kongbeanie uses it to write things he’s deliberately using to troll people with (well, mainly to troll hyulk).

_The N Diaries_

What looked like an excuse to turn Hakyeon into a sex worker and play kink bingo was finally revealed to be part of the main ‘Neo-verse’. A devastated Hakyeon runs away from everything and reinvents himself, plunging into sex work out of a misguided desire to learn how to better satisfy the faithless Taekwoon. Desperate to get him back, Taekwoon enlists Jaehwan, who turns private detective to track him down. Little does Hakyeon know that his next client, “Mr. L.”, is the man who broke his heart. What will happen when the lovers face each other for the first time since Taekwoon broke Hakyeon’s heart by sleeping with Wonshik? Will Taekwoon understand why Hakyeon took this drastic step? Can Hakyeon forgive Taekwoon? Will Jaehwan ever find a trenchcoat that fits him properly?

_Serving Fish_

It’s the riskiest thing Hongbin’s ever done - entering an international drag queen competition. If he fails, his career as an idol and upcoming actor could be over before it starts. If he succeeds, will he ever be accepted again as a serious performer by his still-intolerant country? He’s got the reluctant backing of his fellow members, and everyone pitches in to help him perfect his skills. But the world of drag can be cut-throat and bitchy, and Hongbin, aka Honey Mandu, will be pushed to his limits. Will he go the distance, and win the crown (and $100,000)? Or will he have to lip sync for his life?

(So, we all know Hongbin makes a pretty convincing girl when he’s dragged up … so why not a fusion between VIXX and _RuPaul’s Drag Race_?) 

**HydeNShik**

The collaborative pseudonym for Kongbeanie and the mysterious jekyll.

_Beautiful Killer_

Oh, you actually thought I was going to tell you about it before the reveal? 

Sorry (not sorry).

(Title, naturally, from the song of the same name.) 

**i_think_i_ken**

Used only once, and then promptly banished (although, of course, nothing is ever gone on the internet.)

_Girl in the Mirror_

It was just a funky-looking mirror that Hakyeon brought home from a junk shop. Taekwoon pronounced it hideous, and Jaehwan declared he was never going to let himself get reflected in something with such a warped surface, so it was banished to a closet. Wonshik and Hyuk decide one night to set it up in Taekwoon’s room and give him a shock when he wakes up, but what they don’t know is that the mirror is cursed. While giving it a quick polish to wipe away the tarnish (and reveal the truly awful frame in all its glory), a few ill-chosen words about how difficult it is to understand women have unexpected consequences. The two become inexplicably dizzy, passing out - and when they awaken, they find that somehow they’ve been turned into women! After their initial panic, certain … possibilities … begin to present themselves. It’s not weird; they’re under a curse. The mirror’s making them do it. Hey, maybe this the only way to make it wear off so they can return to normal. And if they enjoy it, well, it’s not like they can be blamed, is it? 

**hyuked-on-vixx**

Only two works exist under this pseudonym, both of which feature Sanghyuk as the main character. 

_You Can Call Me Monster_

It’s not easy being a monster. Sanghyuk is a gentle soul, really, but he tends to frighten people. He lives away from town and keeps to himself, though he’d like nothing more than to join in with the community. What people don’t know is that there are evil creatures in the nearby woods who want to prey on them, and only Sanghyuk’s watchful eyes keep them safe from attack. When a young blind woman gathering mushrooms from the edge of the woods loses track of time and is menaced by a group of these creatures, Sanghyuk springs to her rescue. Although he tries to conceal his identity, she soon learns who he is; what starts out as a tentative overture at friendship soon becomes love, and for the first time in his life, Sanghyuk knows true happiness. It can’t last, of course; her father becomes suspicious of his daughter’s absences. He follows her one day and drags her back home, despite her protests. Sanghyuk is heartbroken, falling into a deep depression. Then he overhears the creatures planning to mount a full attack on the town. Gathering up his courage, he runs to warn the people, who set upon him until his beloved defends him by risking her own life and convinces them they have nothing to fear. Sanghyuk helps them fortify the town and successfully defeat the creatures; in gratitude, the people build a house where he and his love can live amongst them, and the two are married.

In the alternate version, everything happens the same way; the only difference is that Sanghyuk’s blind beloved is male.

(EXO were responsible for this title, but the fact that Sanghyuk really is a ‘monster maknae’ had a lot to do with it.)

_A Different Me_

Everyone loves Sanghyuk. He’s good-looking and friendly, with just a touch of wicked humour in his smile. What they don’t know is that he’s tormented by terrible impulses, voices that whisper to him to commit unspeakable deeds. Sometimes he feels like a different person altogether; sometimes he sees a different person look back at him when he glances in the mirror. So far he’s been able to keep himself under control; but then he wakes up one night to find himself in an unfamiliar room in a cheap hotel, a knife in his hand, his clothes covered in blood - and the dead body of a woman in the bathtub. What has he done? What should he do now? And what if it happens again?

(As hyulk deduced, the title comes from [Hyde](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le0CwBy4SaQ), still one of my all-time favourites. Bring back long-haired Taekwoon!)

**kensbabybyeolbit**

One of Kongbeanie’s early pseudonyms, so there’s everything here from kink to pwp to - oh, the shame of it - _romantic comedy_.

_Whisper to Me_

When VIXX LR go on their second tour together, the days are long and exhausting, and the nights even longer. One drunken night leads to the discovery that not only are the members of the sub-unit attracted to each other, but that they share a kink or two. Notably, spanking. Taekwoon has a remarkably firm hand, and Ravi is into it far more than he thought he’d be.

(Title taken from [LR’s second single](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOnHdPZqSuI).)

_Don’t Call Me Mother_

Hakyeon says he doesn’t mind when the members call him ‘eomma’, but sometimes it gets a little hard to take. Especially when what he really wants to do with the bratty Jaehwan is anything _but_ parental.

_Just a Feeling_

Romantic comedy high school AU. Wonshik and Hongbin are the glamour couple of senior year. One’s the football star, the other is rich, entitled, and the ultimate ‘mean girl’ (the fact he’s a boy notwithstanding). Everyone knows they’ll be Homecoming Kings … until Wonshik hears someone playing the piano during lunch break, and meets the beautiful, shy Taekwoon. But can he give up the fame and popularity to follow his heart?

(Title is from the VIXX LR song, _Feeling_.)

**kenyounot**

_Art and Soul_

All Taekwoon’s ever wanted is to be an artist. The problem is, he can’t draw. Even toddlers laugh at his stick figures. In desperation, he makes a dangerous decision to summon a demon, who offers him a deal - artistic talent and fame can be his, and all it will cost him is his soul. Or the soul of an unwilling substitute. Or two. Or five.

**neo_is_love**

The epic romance series that is Hakyeon/Taekwoon. Buckets of fluff, schmoop for days, and some truly sickening romance that would undoubtedly have the ‘real’ Hongbin reaching for a fire hose. You have to wonder about the kind of mind that would write this sort of stuff.

Featured works:

_Lie Lie Lie_

Hakyeon’s life with Taekwoon is perfect. Every moment together is bliss, and when Taekwoon has to go on tour with Wonshik to promote the first VIXX LR mini-album, _Beautiful Liar_ , they promise to FaceTime every night. But one night Taekwoon doesn’t call - and when Hakyeon checks his Instagram to see why, he discovers the awful truth. His beloved spent the night in bed with Wonshik, and there are selfies of the two of them laughing and cuddled up together. Devastated, Hakyeon tells Taekwoon it’s over, and all seems lost.

(The title is from the song of the same name, [sung so beautifully by Hongbin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZM4MOCzPDg) as part of the Lost Fantasia: Daydream concert.) 

_Of Hearts and Flowers_

It was supposed to be just a one-night stand, and Wonshik vowed it would be. But then the _Whisper_ tour happened, and suddenly Taekwoon was in his arms again, and before he knew it, Wonshik was in love. Now the vocalist is back with his long-time boyfriend Hakyeon, and Wonshik is left with a broken heart, and a mysterious, pain in his chest. Then he coughs up the first petal. Hanahaki disease, the curse of unrequited love. Wonshik is doomed to die choking on the flowers growing inside him, unless his love is returned. But Taekwoon is happy with Hakyeon, and about to be married, and so Wonshik never confesses. He dies the night before the wedding, and when Taekwoon finds out, his guilt is so great he can’t go through with it. Hakyeon is left at the altar, heartbroken.

_My Circle_

It’s been a long time coming, joy and tears in equal measures, but finally it’s here. After a long time learning to trust and love again, Hakyeon and Taekwoon exchange vows and declare their lifelong commitment to each other. The remaining three members of VIXX compose and perform a song for them as a wedding gift, but the absence of their lost rapper is keenly felt by all. A year later, married life is not without its ups and downs, but now it’s time for them to take the biggest step of all. With the help of Jaehwan, Hakyeon and Taekwoon arrange to adopt a beautiful baby boy, who captures everyone’s hearts. Hakyeon suggests they name the baby ‘Wonshik’, to honour their lost friend, which for Taekwoon is the final sign he’s been truly forgiven for the way he hurt his husband. 

(The title is from the song of the same name. The fact that the lyrics were written by Wonshik seems particularly appropriate, given the subject.)

**slythervixx**

Kongbeanie’s first ever pseudonym, poached by someone who liked the story and wanted to claim it as their own.

[ _The Bewitched Dragon_ ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803682/chapters/43588451)

And the first story, an ill-advised Harry Potter crossover whose convoluted plot involves the House Cup, a mysterious theft, and (of course) dragons. Guest starring a poorly disguised Jellyfish CEO, and various other Kpop idols. Follow the link for a summary that’s way more detailed than it probaby needs to be.

**stark_ravi_mad**

What can I say? If it’s weird and/or more-than-slightly cracked, this is the pseudonym Kongbeanie uses.

_A Place to Call Home_

Hybrid AU, where hybrids are mutants and socially outcast. Hakyeon wouldn’t say he’s lonely, but with only his cat Taekwoon for company, he ends up talking to himself far too often. Then he meets a poor homeless Pomeranian hybrid named Jaehwan, and offers him a place to stay. When he hears how awful life is for hybrids, he decides to help as many as he can. In short order, the household is joined by Great Dane hybrid Hyuk, Jindo Hongbin, and (of course) French Bulldog Wonshik. Now Hakyeon’s life is full of fun, affection, and tails everywhere - but for Taekwoon, there’s never a moment’s peace. And it _really_ doesn’t help that Hyuk never seems to tire of picking up Taekwoon and carrying him around everywhere tucked under his arm like a teddy bear. Still, it’s not all bad. He’s always got a warm place to sleep, after all.

_Idolmon Showdown!_

If VIXX were Pokemon … Five little monsters and one harassed trainer with big ambitions pursue their dreams of becoming idols. Along the way they evolve, battle other Pokemon, and a special attachment develops between Trainer Taekwoon and the always-energetic Hyukadier. There are setbacks and defeats; friendships tested, broken, and reforged; and a desperate quest to help Jyanipuff rescue the Star Stones and discover his Ultimate Aegyo attack. After a thrilling final battle, they win the Idolmon Showdown with their most popular song, ‘Super Hero’!

(Credit to Crimson and Anasta for taking some very sketchy thumbnail descriptions of the members and turning them into their nearest Pokemon equivalents.)

[ _Deliciously Doomed_ ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18754819)

Leo’s a quiet sort of guy. He doesn’t party, isn’t really very social, but as a roommate, he’s not so bad. What no one knows is he has a secret; every time there’s a full moon, he turns into a hamster. Keeping his condition from being found out isn’t easy. And then he meets Ravi, a talking cinnamon roll with a foul mouth and a well-disguised soft, fluffy centre. It shouldn’t work. It can’t work. But Ravi can’t resist the cute little hamster, and Leo’s sure he can keep from accidentally taking a bite out of that deliious-looking cinnamon roll. So maybe they should try?

(When two tropes collide. This is what happens when you ask a bunch of fanfic authors in a late night chat, ‘hey, what two genres of fic would be totally bizarre to mash together’? That this story actually got written at all is still something I wonder about … )

**taekmetaekmenow**

The pseudonym under which Kongbeanie writes his dark stories.

[ _Depend on Me_ ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17460458)

He doesn’t know how he got here. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get out. Sometimes, he doesn’t even know if his fellow captives are still alive. All Hongbin knows is that his life is at the mercy of a man he used to call his friend, who keeps them all in this strange place and visits exquisite torture on them. He has to find a way out, before it’s too late.

(Title and inspiration from the song, particularly the music video. Between Taekwoon’s unnervingly intense stare, and the way Hongbin rips down some of the red threads criss-crossing his ‘prison’, there’s no wonder the story went the way it did.)

[ _Song of the Curse_ ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547377)

It starts out as just another photoshoot in a picturesque location. It ends in horror, and even after they escape her, and the doll with which she controls them, the nightmare is not over. A story of trauma, recovery, and the supernatural.

(Title and inspiration, of course, from [Voodoo Doll](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOG7BexjPjM). The so-called [clean version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reSmtRZAQjo) of the mv also helped a lot with characterisation. 

Credit also must be given to witchvixx, whose beautiful story, [everything follows](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9329651), got me thinking that maybe actually writing a Voodoo Doll story might be possible. If the description is vague, it’s because this is a work in progress, changing week by week.)

**wonshiktorulethemall**

This pseudonym is only used for high fantasy AUs.

(And it is entirely the fault of vixxbitch, my amazing friend and writing partner who is the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. Without her inspiration and encouragement, none of my work would be here.)

_Ill Met By Starlight_

Grieving the loss of his beloved father the king, Fairy Prince Wonshik doesn’t expect to find solace in the arms of Taekwoon, Elven Prince of the Wasteland. Too late, he discovers Taekwoon’s compassion is just a ploy to draw him in, and Wonshik finds himself the unwilling love slave of the cruel prince. Can Wonshik melt his icy heart, and win not only his freedom but perhaps also someone to share his life? And will Pixie Jaehwan ever escape the giant who holds him captive, and find his way through the Wasteland to rescue his fairy friend? (Spoilers: of course they can.)

(The title is a play on Oberon’s somewhat snarky greeting to Titania in Shakespeare’s _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_ : ‘Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania!’)

**yourlioneyes**

After the completely unexpected overreaction to taekmetaekmenow’s Voodoo Doll story, Kongbeanie decided it might be prudent to let that pseudonym die.

_The Perfect Drug_

Taekwoon’s always had a finely developed sense of smell. It makes living in the city hell, so he decides to relocate to the countryside. Life in his little cottage is nothing short of idyllic, and he spends many happy hours in his garden cultivating only the most beautiful scented flowers. Persuaded to enter his creations in local garden shows, he quickly becomes something of a local celebrity. Deciding to use the prize money to good advantage, he builds a laboratory for himself where he distills exquisite scents that are highly sought after. Fame doesn’t interest the reclusive Taekwoon, who refuses to leave his paradise even when offered the kind of money that would turn anyone else’s head. Then an up-and-coming photojournalist, Lee Hongbin, tracks him down and won’t leave without an interview and photoshoot. About to turn him away, Taekwoon smells the man’s exquisite scent. It’s the most perfect thing he’s ever smelled, and so he shocks everyone by inviting Hongbin into his home. Soon, all he can think about is recreating that scent, but every attempt fails. Then one night, on the brink of despair, Taekwoon experiences a revelation; the scent can’t be synthesised, because it’s part of Hongbin himself. And Hongbin’s leaving tomorrow to return to the city and publish his story. Taekwoon can’t live without that scent; he can’t let it happen. He’ll have to take drastic steps. And so he lures Hongbin into his laboratory with the promise of one final exclusive …

(The title comes from the NIN song of the same name, and inspiration from _Scentist_ , which itself takes inspiration from the novel _Perfume_ \- which really is a bizarre concept when you think about it.)


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyulk> hey why don’t you ever write us as a couple?  
> hyulk> what have you got against writing us?
> 
> Kongbeanie> …  
> Kongbeanie> It would be weird

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> how’s the new story going?

Kongbeanie> What new story?

hyulk> you know  
hyulk> the shangri-la one

Kongbeanie> What makes you think I’ve started writing it?

hyulk> uh because i know you?  
hyulk> once you’ve got an idea half worked out you’ve got to get it going

Kongbeanie> Look I’m juggling three big projects as it is  
Kongbeanie> I haven’t even finished the drag queen story yet

hyulk> reeeeeally  
hyulk> so you are going to make it to the final

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> Not necessarily

hyulk> come on i got you  
hyulk> you admitted it

Kongbeanie> I admit nothing  
Kongbeanie> I just said I hadn’t finished it

hyulk> but there’s only 2 episodes left to go  
hyulk> well, 3 if you’re going to do an epilogue where you come home triumphant

Kongbeanie> You never know  
Kongbeanie> I might get eliminated right before the final

hyulk> you wouldn’t do that to me  
hyulk> look at all the challenges you won  
hyulk> the talent one where you did the gisaeng sword dance  
hyulk> the put a friend in drag one

Kongbeanie> You’re welcome by the way

hyulk> okay yeah you had me worried  
hyulk> but shik in high heels and a corset was HILARIOUS  
hyulk> huge stilettos too, so mean of you  
hyulk> _**ㅋㅋㅋ** ㅋㅋㅋ_

Kongbeanie> Hey if I have to suffer so does Wonshik

hyulk> that international glo-ball thing was the best  
hyulk> your backpacker chic was so-so  
hyulk> executive jet-setter realness was funny though  
hyulk> you looked like one of my aunts

Kongbeanie> Excuse me mister fashion critic

hyulk> but that mashup outfit with the hanbok and pacific island dress was awesome  
hyulk> where did you come up with that one?

Kongbeanie> I do my research  
Kongbeanie> Talked to a few designers  
Kongbeanie> And a bunch of drag queens

hyulk> not face to face?!

Kongbeanie> Of course not  
Kongbeanie> The last thing I want is some snoopy reporter wondering if I’m considering a new career  
Kongbeanie> no it was all online, that’s what the internet is for  
Kongbeanie> Talking to the queens was amazing  
Kongbeanie> We think we’ve got it tough  
Kongbeanie> The things they do for their looks

hyulk> like tucking?  
hyulk> what even is that

Kongbeanie> You’ve read all the way through and you don’t know yet??

hyulk> it was vague

Kongbeanie> Oh dear  
Kongbeanie> If I say it involves your junk and a lot of duct tape …

hyulk> …  
hyulk> NO WAY

Kongbeanie> Oh yes

hyulk> no you are definitely fucking with me

Kongbeanie> Go and look it up if you don’t believe me

hyulk> FINE

Kongbeanie> Fine  
Kongbeanie> I’ll just wait here and try not to laugh

hyulk> …  
hyulk> …  
hyulk> omg you weren’t lying

Kongbeanie> The truth is much more fun

hyulk> and YOU do that??!

Kongbeanie> The character does that  
Kongbeanie> Not me  
Kongbeanie> Hell no

hyulk> hmm  
hyulk> you do have that roll of duct tape on your desk

Kongbeanie> Don’t be ridiculous

hyulk> maybe you’re over-identifying with yourself

Kongbeanie> It’s for bundling cables on the PC!

hyulk> okay sure, whatever you say  
hyulk> but just be careful will you  
hyulk> think of the starlights  
hyulk> the injuries could be ...

Kongbeanie> I told you it’s not for that!  
Kongbeanie> This is way too much time spent talking about my junk

hyulk> hey i’m not the one with the duct tape

*****

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> you distracted me  
hyulk> you never answered my question

Kongbeanie> What question?

hyulk> the shangri-la story  
hyulk> how’s it going

Kongbeanie> You’re just not going to let that go are you?

hyulk> nope  
hyulk> spill

Kongbeanie> Fine  
Kongbeanie> Yes, I have started it

hyulk> i knew it  
hyulk> so give me a teaser

Kongbeanie> I feel you’re exploiting our relationship here

hyulk> i feel that as your agent i’m entitled to know

Kongbeanie> How many times do I have to tell you  
Kongbeanie> You know what, never mind

hyulk> i knew you’d see reason  
hyulk> it’s okay i’ll be a good agent  
hyulk> i won’t even ask for a big commission

Kongbeanie> Commission of what??  
Kongbeanie> It’s not like I get paid for this

hyulk> pity  
hyulk> anyway … teaser  
hyulk> at least tell me who’s getting paired off with who

Kongbeanie> What makes you think anyone is?  
Kongbeanie> I don’t always do that

hyulk> uh actually you do  
hyulk> so who is it? taek and shik? taek and eomma?  
hyulk> ooh YOU and eomma?

Kongbeanie> Me and Hakyeon  
Kongbeanie> That’s never happening

hyulk> you said that about you and shik too  
hyulk> and then there was that rom-com

Kongbeanie> That wasn’t a real pairing

hyulk> so you say

Kongbeanie> Anyway I couldn’t even imagine me and Hakyeon

hyulk> sure you could, you’re twisted enough

Kongbeanie> Am I supposed to take that as a compliment?

hyulk> hey why don’t you ever write us as a couple?  
hyulk> i mean if you can imagine yourself with jae  
hyulk> and thanks for that by the way, i’m scarred for life

Kongbeanie> That was one short thing and we were in the background

hyulk> don’t change the subject  
hyulk> what have you got against writing us?

Kongbeanie> …  
Kongbeanie> It would be weird

hyulk> how is it any weirder than you and taek?  
hyulk> you don’t have to make me into a creepy psycho or anything

Kongbeanie> It just would  
Kongbeanie> I’d be thinking about you reading it the whole time  
Kongbeanie> And then hassling me in chat  
Kongbeanie> Like you’re doing RIGHT NOW

hyulk> well i’m disappointed

Kongbeanie> Oh please don’t start this again

hyulk> i’m just saying  
hyulk> you should branch out  
hyulk> explore new horizons  
hyulk> boldly go where no idol has gone before

Kongbeanie> Go away or I’ll turn you into a cute life size doll and give you to Jyani to play with

hyulk> you wouldn’t

Kongbeanie> He could plait your hair and put makeup on you and dress you up in designer clothes

hyulk> stop

Kongbeanie> And cuddle you and squeeze you and drool on you when he’s asleep

hyulk> just when i think you can’t get more evil

Kongbeanie> You wanted me to expand my thinking

hyulk> i take it back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering ... these are the two source images for Hongbin's eleganza extravaganza Korean/Pacific Islander fusion dress. Don't ask me to design it, my artistic talents rival Taekwoon's.
> 
> [](https://ibb.co/FxD8m7r)   
>  [](https://ibb.co/VQb3mfx)


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kongbeanie> You’re not my only reader you know
> 
> hyulk> i’m the most important 
> 
> Kongbeanie> Wow
> 
> hyulk> what? i am

_hyulk is online_  
_Kongbeanie is online_

hyulk> miss congeniality?

Kongbeanie> What?

hyulk> miss drag queen congeniality??  
hyulk> YOU???

Kongbeanie> You don’t approve?

hyulk> i don’t believe it  
hyulk> you’re not that nice

Kongbeanie> The character was very nice thank you

hyulk> well  
hyulk> i guess you did go out of your way to help people  
hyulk> but still  
hyulk> you should have won!

Kongbeanie> This is a better ending

hyulk> when you didn’t get picked for the final i nearly stopped reading

Kongbeanie> Ah but you didn’t

hyulk> i was hoping you’d put in some twist where you ended up in the final after all

Kongbeanie> That would be cheating  
Kongbeanie> Readers wouldn’t have liked it

hyulk> i would have

Kongbeanie> You’re not my only reader you know

hyulk> i’m the most important 

Kongbeanie> Wow

hyulk> what? i am

Kongbeanie> So you’re what?  
Kongbeanie> President of my fan club or something?

hyulk> ha no that’s taek

Kongbeanie> Very funny

hyulk> he joined your fan club ages ago  
hyulk> you didn’t know?

Kongbeanie> Give it up  
Kongbeanie> You’re not going to convince me

hyulk> want to see the screenshot of the chat where he admitted it?

Kongbeanie> To YOU? Now I know you’re screwing with me

hyulk> no, to shik

Kongbeanie> So how’d you see it then?

hyulk> i move in mysterious ways

Kongbeanie> You hacked his phone, you mean

hyulk> such a low opinion you have of me

Kongbeanie> Am I wrong?

hyulk> well  
hyulk> hacked is such a harsh way of putting it  
hyulk> he left it unlocked and got distracted

Kongbeanie> So you helped yourself

hyulk> hey it was just sitting there  
hyulk> practically asking for it  
hyulk> anyway that’s not the point  
hyulk> he’s an official fan  
hyulk> go ask him yourself if you don’t believe me

Kongbeanie> Like that would EVER happen

hyulk> then i guess you’ll never know

Kongbeanie> You didn’t hate the ending that much did you?

hyulk> well i suppose not  
hyulk> it was pretty funny how everyone scolded you for not winning when you got home  
hyulk> and shik bitching about how he waxed his legs for nothing

Kongbeanie> Ah but you notice his legs were STILL waxed months later?

hyulk> _**ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ**_

Kongbeanie> I’m thinking of using that in a later story  
Kongbeanie> Maybe a short kink thing 

hyulk> let me guess  
hyulk> shik, taek, silk stockings and a spanking?

Kongbeanie> That’s … actually a pretty good title  
Kongbeanie> Silk and Spanking

hyulk> you’re welcome  
hyulk> make sure you credit one of my aliases for the inspiration

Kongbeanie> I need to make notes now

hyulk> wait before you go  
hyulk> just one little shangri-la spoiler?  
hyulk> since i gave you that title for free?

Kongbeanie> It’s hardly free if you ask for something in return

hyulk> come on, bean  
hyulk> pleeeeease?

Kongbeanie> I indulge you way too much  
Kongbeanie> Oh all right  
Kongbeanie> You remember that peacock from the mv?

hyulk> how could i forget?  


hyulk> that thing was EVIL

_Kongbeanie has shared peacock_freakout.jpg_

[](https://ibb.co/yV2KytL)

hyulk> i should have known you’d have that pic somewhere

Kongbeanie> You have a special relationship with the peacock in the story

hyulk> OH NO YOU DID NOT

Kongbeanie> Not what I was implying  
Kongbeanie> And yet your mind went there  
Kongbeanie> _**ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ**_

hyulk> That’s your fault

Kongbeanie> How does that work, exactly?

hyulk> you warped my mind with all your stories

Kongbeanie> Then maybe you shouldn’t read any more of them

hyulk> …  
hyulk> i’ll take my chances

Kongbeanie> Good  
Kongbeanie> Going now  
Kongbeanie> Oh by the way  
Kongbeanie> Two weeks left

hyulk> 2 weeks?  
hyulk> 2 weeks left until what??

_Kongbeanie is offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two weeks until ... what, exactly?

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Depend on Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17460458) by [kongbeanie (crazyjane)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/kongbeanie)
  * [Song of the Curse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17547377) by [crazyjane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/crazyjane), [kongbeanie (crazyjane)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/kongbeanie)
  * [Deliciously Doomed](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18754819) by [kongbeanie (crazyjane)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyjane/pseuds/kongbeanie)




End file.
